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A bit of context:
There was a thread in the old forums, much like in these new ones, where people could post the theme song for their characters. And back in the old days of the old forums, I found two very different songs that became favorites, that was theme songs for the same character.
It was @Anfini who first said that his theme song was The Horror by RJD2, which was a song I tried to figure out yesterday, and found again thanks to the old forums. But after his post about this song, if I remember correctly, someone else posted that nah.. that's not the correct song. The song that fits Anfini the most is The coconut song by Harry Nilsson.
So.. yeah.. Love those two songs and after these years of not hearing them, I managed to remember The coconut song, but could only remember The Horror by RJD2 thanks to the old forums,
I'm not sure if this is exactly how the songs were presented, this is simply how I remember it. Might have been another way, but... yeah!
Normally, that would go in mad, not love. But for some reason unbeknownst to me, my body has decided that the CURE for my toothache, is to drink orange soda.
I don't pretend to understand the WHY (maybe it's the bubbles) because it makes no bloody sense whatsoever. But drinking orange soda makes my tooth stop aching for a while.
So. Love for weird biology making life strangely more bearable.
Last night between 2:30 and 4:30am, myself and my wife were the victim of a breaking and entering at our home. We were in bed upstairs when they gained entry through a downstairs window. Their primary target were our car keys. They found these, let themselves out through the front door and drove off. My wife came downstairs to go to work and discovered that we'd been robbed and our cars had been stolen.
Long story short, fearing that my car had a tracking device in it, the thieves pulled over to a quiet area and set fire to my car. There was approximately $700 worth of my music gear in the boot (UK)/trunk (US). My insurance covers the car and only up to $100 of personal items.
Now the love part;
A former player from Aetolia set up a Go Fund Me page off his own back. Other Aetolian players (both past and present) have contributed to it.
I am honestly touched. The depth of my appreciation can't be expressed fully in words.
It just goes to show that, this might be an online game and I may never have met some of you in person, but friendships aren't defined by a physical presence in someone's life. They're defined by small acts of support and kindness in tough times, regardless of where you are in the world.
- Also: holy shit, that sucks a lot.
Last. Day.
Then I'm back to normal life schedule and Aetolia schedule. I'm so happy! 8 hours to go. COOKIES FOR EVERYONE TODAY.
* not homeless this year
* new poems published today
* birthday credits!
* having fun as indo gm
hooray
Mostly because last week and the week before I literally only managed to work on Saturday and Sunday, because I've been having sinus infection related issues with noise and horribleness.
And she asked me--'Why not?'
Soooo I applied for Supervisor yesterday.
Which, oddly enough, would be an awesome thing for my anxiety levels. The position is largely paperwork--which I'm doing a chunk of for my supervisor anyway, coaching--which I'm constantly doing on a -requested- basis, and supervisor escalation calls, which I was doing as a SME anyway and keeping track of my teams metrics and so on. Which I already do to a lesser extent. It cuts out most of the stuff that stresses me out about my job. Which in turn would lessen the amount of time I have to call out to begin with. Plus it's salary, so there'd be less 'can I make rent' anxiety on weeks I -do- have to call out for FMLA.
This is in LOVE because for the first time in forever, I'm actually excited about what tomorrow might hold. Wish me luck, y'all.
My boss lives upstairs and is busy playing XCOM but wanted to check on me since I am here on a Saturday overseeing a construction crew that is repairing our rooftop. ...I unfortunately was outside talking to the foreman when he came by and I came back to this.
...come to find out hes a bloody Mhaldorian.
RIP x ME
Music has always been an integral part of my life. All my tattoos revolve around music, I've been singing in choirs most of my life, I've been humming and singing since I was little, recording myself, sung karaoke, even sung on stage quite a few times, and always had music in the background somehow. I love music.
Over the last few years, due to various reasons, I have been struggling off and on. I know, we all go through our own stuff, so I won't bore you with any details. Suffice it to say I've been in contact with professionals at least twice and been brought back from suicidal thoughts thanks to that help. I've always been seen as a strong individual, so I have tended to isolate myself when feeling bad to keep my weakness from others around me. It's a bad decision, I know, but nothing one can control at such times.
One of the things I lost during this time of isolation was my music. I stopped singing in my choir, because I couldn't stand being around people. I lost confidence in my voice, so I stopped singing in general. I stopped turning on the radio, or my playlists on the computer. I stopped logging in to my Spotify account. My apartment has been almost completely quiet, aside from a few days now and then when I've felt good enough to turn on some music on youtube or when someone has sent me a link and I've gotten stuck checking related music.
My dad shared this passion for music. He didn't sing (according to him that's not what manly men like him do), but he knew how to whistle. He loved a good beat, or an interesting voice. We played a lot of music at his funeral in honor of this. And since then...
I have found my way back to my music. It began with listening to a playlist we dedicated to him, running it from my phone when I went to and from work, to looking through the music on my computer, to finally logging back on Spotify. Last week I caught myself singing to myself for the first time in years, smiling. Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment, music blazing out of the speakers, and suddenly it feels like I might actually be alright again.
One of the things I was doing back then was telling people my parents were dead when they weren't. Saturday before last, while I was at work, my brother called me (which he never does unless it's urgent). He says, quote, "Hey Dev, dad just called me and said mom is being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. She had an aneurysm in her heart and they don't think she's gonna make it. It's a little inconvenient cause I'm grading papers right now and- hold on Sonya (my sister) is calling." *click*. Insert internal Tsar Bomba meltdown here. Like what the actual unicorns. How do you just say some shit like that and hang up? Next thing I knew, my sister who lives in Chicago was boarding the next flight out of there to get here and my whole family is just melting down at the speed of light. Reason being is that my mom has never had any ailments past a common cold. Hasn't been ever been hospitalized except for when she had all 6 of her kids. This just completely came out of left field. She just graduated from school a few months ago and got her Nurse Practicioner's license, and she was working at her new job when all of a sudden she felt really weak and then had a slight pain in her chest. The pain went from 0 to 100 and they said she was screaming from the pain. Fortunately since she was already at a hospital which she has insurance with, they reacted quickly and found the aneurysm, then rushed her to a different hospital in Sanfransisco because they had the nearest surgeons required for the open heart surgery on hand. After 10 years- i mean hours and a whoooooooooole lotta crying in between, she made it out and she's doing fine.
It immediately made me think back to what I was doing/saying those 9, almost 10 years ago when I first started playing and it made me feel horrible. One of those really cliche "You don't know what you have until it's gone." MOMENTS. Me and my mom, even now that she's a lot more chill really don't have the best relationship, but she was happy to see me when I went to go visit her in the hospital. I was also going through a roller coaster of emotions, because I've worked a nurse for years now. I know how it is dealing with irritating family members that just talk your head off and act like you don't know how to do your job when you do, and I swore I'd never be that person. Nope. I was that person when I saw her in the hospital, but to be completely fair this dumbass was trying to get her to hold onto her drainage machine when both of her hands are supposed to be on the walker, and he almost tripped her twice. For the first time in my life I had the feeling of "That's my mom and omfg don't do that I'll kill you." I guess it made me feel more human? I'm not sure, it's weird. I feel like a robot trying to figure out the emotions its experiencing for the first time and it's such a trip.
Anyway, my mom is back home and on the road to recovery. She's doing great. My brother is fired from ever being the messenger in emergency situations like this, and next time he'll be inconvenienced with a foot up his ass. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that in a way, Aetolia helped me find some sort of love for my mom. Now that I really think about it Aetolia taught me quite a bit, and helped me grow up a lot. At least, some of the awesome people I met on here and still bother to regularly keep in contact with. There's still others that I don't talk to anymore that left a pretty big impact on me, but if it's all the same and you ever manage to read this, thanks for all the life lessons and experiences.
You all suck. Jk Ilu you all.
Valkyrior System
Valkyrior System
For those whom don't know me from Imperian and are aware, I've been in the hospital for a considerable time now (a few months). I've been having heart problems to which the doctors haven't been able to find a solution to and so I've been laid up as they engage in what seem to be increasingly futile attempts to try to fix the shambles that is Me. (is? are?)
I basically just had a long talk with a nurse about how the prognosis isn't good, which is to say - there's no pain medication they can give me further that this one isn't working - I've already been on several, and there isn't another one they can change me to, to help manage the chronic pain that I live with., and the circulation hasn't improved despite three procedures to remove large clots, even when it should have, given the size of the clots. That on top of having to have an amputation not that long ago now, and the "IRL" me has been basically having to make her peace with the fact that I probably will be lucky if I get another half-decade out of things.
That isn't really the "I heart" part, but it provides context for it.
MUDing has, since I was very young, provided me with an escape. In real life I've always been chronically ill to some degree, though of course as the years went on the condition has deepened. Over these years, I've played all of the IRE muds to some extent, even quite enjoying a stint on Midkemia Online, and of course, most recently Imperian. I still play my character there occasionally - but the playerbase is pretty strangled, hence me ending up back here, I suppose.
It's been a decade and a half - more than that, I suppose, now - that Iron Realms has given me someone I can be who is better than the reality of the things. Someone I can be comfortable with being and someone who can be the many things and do the many things I cannot in real life. I don't really have words for that, but it is a tremendous thing for me, and from the @Galleus of old to the @Tiur of today, or Elokia and Jeremy on Imperian, or the countless other volunteers who make that possible, I am tremendously grateful. I am likewise grateful for the many people I've shared this game with and the many people I've RPed with, or PKed with or against. It might not seem like as big a thing to you guys, but having that escape available to me is basically the only way I have these days, to cope with all this, and it is something that means so much to me.
Valkyrior System
So, I've settled that it is time to see a therapist. No just medicating, which is nice, but actual working through my bitterness to see if I can be better than my parents. It feels really good right now, even if it may just be mostly tiredness, to know that I may find peace with it in coming months.
Valkyrior System
For many years, I have followed an author on FB. Since I live in Sweden and shipping is so expensive, I haven't had a chance to buy any of his books, but I wanted to not forget about them, so I've kept my eyes on new books and such for years and years now. However, around the beginning of the new year, I will be able to finally buy these books and that made me super excited!
So I made a short post on his FB page, telling him that FINALLY I can buy his books and read them and how happy I am about that. It didn't take long before I got a private message from him. He was just as excited as myself that I could read his stories and he told me that he still had some paperback copies of all of his books. He would keep a copy of each for me and when I could afford them, he would sign them and ship them to me, even offering to pay the shipping himself. I said that it really was too kind, but... who am I to say no to autographed copies!
To make this story more interesting, this author is SJ Saunders, a family member to the Iron Realms Entertainment President, Jeremy Saunders. It was Jeremy who once made a comment about SJ Saunders and I decided to follow. I can't wait to read these books and I encourage you all to go check out his books on audible.com or amazon.com. And follow him on FB. He's really an awesome guy!
https://www.facebook.com/ehsjaysaunders/
I still exist!
Alevi arts
I...want to be the person my baby Sister thinks I am.
All of the warm fuzzies though, on a night I really needed them.