MAD 2: MADDEN'S MADDENING.

Mephistoles

I have to say, the madness of internet social justice warriors irritates me. I was educated by Jesuit priests, so I'm quite familiar with the concept of social justice, but the term has been co-opted by a group of people that don't actually have any interest in real social justice. A subset of Tumblr users are probably the most note worthy of these. Being an social justice warrior is like activism for hipsters and teenagers. Showing how cool and enlightened you are by constantly criticizing other people for being ableist, sexist, whatever your preferred buzz word is, regardless of whether the original topic actually related to it even remotely.

And the weirdness. Otherkin, planetkin, starkin, foodkin (they are inanimate objects for god's sake). The weird ass pronouns people make up (xe/ve/zu are not pronouns) and the genders that exist only in the weird pockets of the internet (nekogender, otrogender, and disporagender are not real things). The bigoted stuff said in the name of 'feminism', calls to kill cishet men (cisgender (normally gendered) heterosexual), that only the non-white opinions have value, that all the problems of the world are from imperialism and colonialism (and that white people are the only ones who have engaged in either).

Most of all, the fact that there are nutters like these giving a bad name to things like feminism, liberalism, and activism. None of these are, by their nature, bad things, but you wouldn't know that from Tumblr. Segments of Tumblr have become bizarro world where activism is bullying, liberalism is PC nonsense, feminism glorifies female supremacy and misandry instead of equality, and where only the opinions of the oddest of the odd are considered.

I don't like it.

Ashmer

Setne said:

Toz said:

I should start putting 'cracker jack' as race.

Is there a prize when someone finishes you?

Reux

Things and stuff.

There. Quote me to see the tags. Mobile forum posting just makes the entire post flagged literal - can't use html tags anymore, even if I try to edit it from my desktop. Weird.

Auresae

I've started having nightmares almost every night. They're different every time and they're generally the unnerving ones that you have a hard time shaking when you wake up.

EDIT: Husband took me to McD's and I ended up falling there too. Hurt my sprained knee and hip, and hit my elbow on the doorframe. Things aren't going well for me.

Piper

So, I've been very busy this week what with starting up a new relationship and helping my mom plan, prepare, and execute a graduation party for my brother that's hosting 70+ people....

...but my rage is what happened before my date on Friday night. We had reservations for this really nice restaurant (he wouldn't tell me where just that it was a small step down from his having to wear a suit) so I dressed up in my LBD and heels and basically took extra effort to look as nice and put together as possible. I thought I looked pretty good.

So we're leaving my parent's house (I spent the last few days there to help) and he opens the front door to his car but as I went to get in, the ground gives out beneath my heel. Apparently, a groundhog had created a massive hole that decided to collapse as I stepped down and I sank, all in my finery, up to my knees in the damp ground. At first he thought I tripped until he went 'What happened to your leg?!'.

So we ended up going to the restaurant and my nylons were covered in dirty smoot all up to my knees and it was rage-worthy but hilarious. At least it was worth a laugh and the food was delicious.

Iosyne

I feel like all of my energy - creative and otherwise - is being siphoned up into college coursework. Which is great in some senses, but awful in others. Working full-time and going to school full-time is a fatality on any other aspect of my life.

Just have to keep telling myself it's only one more year. >.< At least I have a few easy courses coming up (Eng Comp II, Alg I, Alg II) that shouldn't be so taxing.

Ishin

Easy courses, @Iosyne says. English Comp, Algebra, she says. It must be nice to be smart like that.

Rashar

English Comp wouldn't be so bad. Those maths, though.

Erzsebet

Algebra was fun, and I hate math. >.> Or maybe it's just matrices that were inexplicably fun.

English comp though. Urgh. Not hard, just mind-numbingly uuugh.

Erzsebet

I don't know if it's stress, or what, but I keep having issues breathing. It's very disconcerting.

I had this issue last night some, but I thought maybe it was some weird combination of booze and clothing, so I ditched the clothing and went to sleep. I've been fine all day, and then suddenly, I just can't breathe properly.

Seems to have subsided again, but this is very much not good.

Iosyne

Stress/anxiety/panic attacks can cause that. Acid reflux can, to an extent.

Ishin

Iosyne said:

Stress/anxiety/panic attacks can cause that. Acid reflux can, to an extent.

Can give you stomach problems too. I was forever having to take Nexium and other similar things back in the day when I was fresh back in the States, and for a year or so after, because my stress/anxiety was so high that it was churning all day err day.

I don't get any full blown(I don't think they are at least) panic attacks, but I get baby ones on occasion, and it's this weird feeling where I feel like I'm breathing in, but I know I'm not, because they're shallow breaths and it's like man wtf is going on.

Just try to relax and de-stress if you can. Idk if drinking does that for you, but it only works sometimes for me. Maybe just some deep-breathing and going over the steps of your plans bit by bit might help. Reassure yourself about what's going on and stuff?

Erzsebet

The problem there is that my plans are screwy and uncertain, which is why I'm freaking out about them to begin with.

I'm used to venturing off into the unknown, with people I've never met before. It's normal, at this point. I'm entirely new to this 'well, I might go here, or I might go across the country over there, or I might just wander around like a vagrant because wtf am I doing'.

Incidentally, my bus to Dallas is tomorrow night. I may be AWOL while I either get settled in at my new job, or move again, 1800 miles away.

...incidentally, I'll be in Dallas from like 1AM to like, 10AM if anyone wants to skip sleep and say hi before I take off to Austin.

Ishin

Does not like

Toz

Look outside, @Oleis‌. Why did you have to jinx it!

Oleis

Toz said:

Look outside, @Oleis‌. Why did you have to jinx it!

Are you kidding me? This is amazing.

Stathan

A long history and family history of mental illness coming to a head all at once and me realizing that I could lay there trying to sleep for as long as I want and my mind will have other plans. Trying to go to sleep and being bombarded with visual and auditory hallucinations on top of some serious stress and anxiety. Recently started getting help for these issues because I was finally able to get some health insurance but in bringing them up and talking about them I've slowly been losing more and more nights sleep. It was honestly easier when i was forcing myself to ignore the issues rather than figure out the root cause of them. I want to be able to sleep again...

Erzsebet

Lots and lots of internet hugs being sent in your direction, @Stathan.

Just wish they were more helpful.

Valenae

We had to give our year old half Lab half Border Collie, Bo, away yesterday. One of the hardest things we've had to do.

Emelle

@Stathan: It can absolutely seem easier to push this kind of thing aside because there's comfort in familiarity, but hang in there. No mental illness is better left untreated, assuming you're getting the right treatment. For a lot of people, it has to get worse so that it can get better -- I hope better is in there soon for you, and that you can get some sleep. Mental illness is a unicorns.

Nola

My laptop died today.

Toz

I feel you, @Stathan‌ - auditory hallucinations when I'm tired. Not bad, but still rough. I sleep with music on now.

Stathan

@Toz if it was just when I was tired it wouldn't be so bad. They are a constant, tired or not. Some people say they see things moving out of the corner of their eye and call it a hallucination. I hear someone talking to me, look up and see someone that I know isn't there staring at me. Then a few seconds later, poof.

I do appreciate the support though. You guys rock for that.

Toz

I just hear little distracting sounds. Nothing quite like that - not sure if music will help or not! I also use white noise+headphones sometimes. Doesn't stop the noise so much as give my brain a distraction to latch onto while I try to sleep.

Reux

.hug @Stathan‌

 This is the cubical across from mine. This is a recent change - maybe a few weeks.

Yah. It's that bad.

Gwenith

@ Stathan : I'm going to side with Toz here and say music helped me a lot as well. It wasn't quite sleep but at least one part of my brain was able to focus on the music instead of having three different voices arguing incessantly with themselves.

I'm also going to mention that these illnesses aren't always created by 'issues'. There is a couple of schools of thought that goes around, one that of them and a dangerous one is all mental health issues stem from trauma.So Psychologists will try to dig deep and find something they can point the finger at and say "AHA THIS IS WHY YOU ARE DIFFERENT". I hate this because it externalizes blame.

Sometimes people are just born different. They could start showing signs straight away or there might be something that happens to them that triggers a change in brain chemistry. I get frustrated at people who put a huge stigma on mental illness because one it comes down to it it's just another type of chemical imbalance like diabetes, or hypoglycemia and no one has every told a diabetic to just think unsugary thoughts and it'll all be better.

My recommendation : If your seeing a psychologist, go to a psychiatrist. Be honest with them and tell them issues are getting worse. If your not comfortable with them look into other doctors. If your on medication more stress can be a side affect to some of them and you might have to swap. In the end its you who is in control of your treatment, the doctors are only there to guide you.

If you every need anyone to talk to late at night, hit me up for my Skype name. One of the things that kept me alive during highschool was a friend that would field calls at 1am - 2am in the morning and just listen. I'm happy to listen to you if you would like.

Omei

@Reux: Wow, can you say "red flags".

Moirean

.

Nola

Checked the latest schedule at work for the week after this and the next that came out. Mind you, I've been working 36-38 hour weeks for the past two or three months, though I'm part-time. I like the hours, I don't like working 5-6 days in a row with one day off in between. That's draining. But the schedules lately haven't been horrible. I expected a bit of a cut on hours when my coworker came back from his vacation, but.. well.

There are things that I'm livid about with these new schedules..

The first, I'd like to explain. Our gas station is right off the interstate, so we get a lot of lotto traffic in from out of state where it's illegal. People want to throw their money away, okay. We have one person that comes in on Saturdays with a giant order from tons of people in that area. I'm talking stacks of envelopes that fill up a good sized box - not a shoe box, either. It's about 1 1/2 to 2 hours of straight lotto. We have to have an extra person scheduled for this because Saturdays are busy and so this one person gets to take care of our main lotto guy. He's been doing this for years, never misses a Saturday. He also tips 15$ for the work. Or more if it's a big, big order. You also don't have to deal with the -other- customers and he's generally pretty entertaining. It's a nice break.

I've been working Saturdays for two months straight now, with one off out of those two months. That I requested off. I've still not been scheduled to run him yet. Everyone else? They've gotten their turn and some much more than that, but I'm continuously overlooked. That pisses me off. Not only are you going to work me every Saturday, turn my request for 'swapping a Saturday out for a Monday shift every now and then' into 'work both days', you're going to screw me out of 15$ and let everyone else participate?

That's the first thing. It's been accumulating over time.. The second thing is. For next week I'm only scheduled 20 hours. I have the least amount of hours out of everyone else who works. The week after? 22 hours.

I have four days off each week. Work me like a horse, and then fuck me over? No. That's not going to fly.

-- For me, that's a HUGE pay cut. It means I'm earning 158$.. before taxes are taken out. That's barely anything.

Erzsebet

Now I remember why I don't sleep on public transportation.

Ugh.