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My TV on the PS4 dashboard...yup, it's broken. And I have $10 to my name until next payday in 12 days.
Hi.
madpost: I'm almost out of weed
(Not recommending hopping on trains)
Through disability, nonsense, and bad roommates, this too shall pass, if you need a buddy to bitch at, im always down for it, i've probably been there at some point and can relate. I am sorry to hear about the shit luck, but it is just making room for better luck in the future.
-silver linings...I dunno im not good at this-
On the flip side of things I slipped her key off her keyring when she went upstairs to destroy my bedroom so she's gonezo for good. Also, #hoeislifenow.
Sorry you had to go through that, @Illidan. I had an ex who trashed the hallway outside the counsellor's office. His anger issues were so great I had to break the news to him there in order to feel safe. He ended up stealing stuff from my apartment before I got home, because he still had the key. (I got it all back though).
Long story short, I know what you mean. Chin up, though. Things will improve.
I called the cops, filed a police report, took a screenshot of the report I filed and sent it to the both of them, listing her cousin as an accomplice in the theft that took place with pictures attached of the damage they did as well as names, addresses, phone numbers, vehicles + license plates, and places of employment. Her cousin definitely wasn't happy to know she was being listed as an accomplice and started freaking out, so she sent me a friend request on Facebook to try and talk to me. All I wanted was my stuff back. Now they're both about to have a few misdemeanors on their record. I gave them both fair warning not to try me, but they did, and lost.
To put icing on the cake, my cousin happens to be the captain of the police department the next city over (I'd told him the whole story and he told me to file the report, etc.) and he's handling it personally. Shoulda thought about that when you robbed me.
My mad isn't really a mad..
I've got some really great friends who I love more than anything in this world.
I've been really blessed by them.
There's been many tough times we've each been through and supported one another the whole way. We're honest and upfront and sympathetic when the time comes.
Lately there's been things happening in my life that aren't directly happening to me but still affecting me. I confide often in my friends, three in particular I tell everything to.
I count everything as a separate incident unless it's recurring even after being addressed. My friends, however, keep a tally, so everything is cumulative.
I know they say everything they say only out of love and concern.. but sometimes, I just want someone to listen and agree that something sucks instead of immediately expressing concern and uncertainty for me and my situation.
To hear I love and support you, but I don't think this is good for you.. not once, but three times in a three hour timespan has me more stressed and pained than the very thing I just wanted to vent about..
I have cried all evening on and off because I feel like I can't talk to anyone (and was even told, if you don't want us to tell you stuff you don't want to hear, then don't talk to us about it.) because I just keep getting told the same things. These things.. aren't helpful, or constructive. They don't offer solutions to a problem. Or advice. Or strength.
I'm not sure what to say anymore.
Lots of Doctors and Nurses volunteer their time at these places. While some may be interns undergoing residences and such, there are always a few supervisors/senior Physicians on site that they report to. Something to research and possibly check out. Hope things get better for you.
Eta: @Qendyl My main objection to most doctors is that they don't listen and they often charge me stupid amounts of money to either tell me something I already knew 'so you know how you said when you came in you have strep throat? Yeah, you totally have strep throat, gimme 200$', or give me a wiffly answer, a la 'So you DON'T have Bronchitis, but we're going to treat you as if you do have Bronchitis'. -.- Don't tell me what I DON'T have you stupid quack, tell me what I DO have. I don't have the plague either, (despite what webMD tells me) that's not a useful diagnosis.
I'll post the TL:DR up front though, so that anyone who might be annoyed by these "I'm depressed, I'm sorry." posts.. I'm depressed, I'm sorry. I don't wanna break down into tears for stupid reasons or no reason at all.
I hate being Bipolar. I have a good grasp on it so I'm not so much a threat ot anyone, myself included.. but I hate when I get to the point where.. well. I have a scale folks, a scale of 1 to 10, and to explain the scale, if I'm at a 1, it means that I'm a danger to myself, I need to be watched, I need to be sat down, and I probably need someone to make sure I don't do anything stupid to myself, because I'm not myself. My brain has decided to give in to its darknesses, and all I'm hearing is a voice calling for me to commit suicide, it's point out everything I've ever done wrong, and blaming me for everything that has ever gone wrong and I have been a spectator to, whether I had any real consequencial presence or not. Moving to the opposite end of the scale.. a 10 is almost as bad. This is where I need to be isolated. I need to be in my room, alone, with something to distract me, because I'm not in a correct state of myself as well. I'm manic at that point, and I am likely to be excessively impulsive, not aware of my own strength, and all I can do is find something, if I recognize myself as manic, and play something fast paced, violent, and able to keep pace with my own thoughts. Because I'll get bored excessively quickly. I do have games I play for this. My good days are focused around being a 5 on this scale. I'm not so overly manic that I'm not able to see beyond my thoughts, but I'm not so depressed I can see the butterflies as well as the rain. The last few days, I've been a 3.5 or so, I'm depressed. I ache, I hurt. I wonder if I want to actually sit up this morning. I genuinely wonder if I feel like shit because my body is trying to break down, or if it's just the depression making me feel like shit. I make myself function anyways, because I have to. I harden up and I make sure I don't think about the knot in my throat any time I take a moment to just sit in silence, because I don't wanna start bawling. But I am also probably at my most unsafe position in this stage.. I'm barely keeping my face above the waters of depression, and I'm afraid of bothering people, so I stay quiet, I paddle as best as I can, and I try to ride it out as best as I can.. and if something bad has happened recently? Then there's an anchor around my ankle and it's me struggling not to sink any further than that.
Thank you for reading, or if you don't, then thanks for allowing me to post, and sorry if I annoy anyone.
@Axius - Please don't ever take your own life. I don't want to hear about how one of our own (Aetolians) snuffed their life out from self-infliction. It will leave a lot of us upset and sad. I'm not qualified or certified to give proper advice (or maybe I do have the know how and just cant legally flex it in my country). I will say this much though - A soul in motion and on fire has less inclination to harm its flesh vessel. Respark yourself, even if it drags you all the way into something akin to Mania, and remember what life in motion is like again. You have a support net with fellow Aetolians here, and none of us will turn you away. We love you, and we police our own for the best if we can manage to do so, and won't tell you to f**k off. Your post has annoyed no one here on the forums, and no one will think less of you IG.
@Nola - Sometimes the people we love the most don't support us the way we expect, and time has a s****y way of playing out relationships that we expect to support us without condition. I feel sorry for you, and wish I could help in some way.
I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I have some amazing friends - outside and within the game! When I can't go to one, I always know I can go somewhere. So I will reiterate - despite how upset it may have made me, I am still incredibly blessed.
My husband and I live in the same household as his parents, but we occupy the basement apartment. We don't pay rent, but perform various repairs on the house as they come up as his parents are kind of old. In the two or so years of living here, I've learned pretty quickly that his parents' are not very good at thinking things through. For example, not long after I moved in, we had to redo the entire basement so we could have enough proper living space, but for some reason his parents thought it'd be a great idea to consider moving (we'd be forced to move with them) to a town in the middle of nowhere where neither my husband or I would have many job opportunities. His mother also has a habit of taking offense to any questioning of her logic and will yell at anyone who she even so much as thinks is questioning her.
My real rage is that for the past while now, the husband and I have been planning on renovating our bathroom in the basement (we currently use the one upstairs since the basement one doesn't have a shower installed). However, my mother-in-law suddenly had the grand idea of redoing the upstairs bathroom first because she just bought a new tub, and thinks she can get it all done this weekend.
There are several problems with this.
Number 1: a bathroom reno, specifically putting in a new tub, is not a simple or easy task. It requires pulling up all the tiles, yanking out the old tub, the old sink, the siding, putting in the new tub, reworking the pipes, putting in everything else, etc.
Number 2: it's not a one-day, or even one weekend job. The whole reason we were planning on doing the downstairs bathroom first was because there'd at least be the upstairs one to use while the other was being worked on. By insisting on doing the upstairs one first, there's going to be NO shower for anyone to use for several days AT LEAST. I'm going to be a VERY unhappy camper for the next while.
Number 3: Any attempt to explain to my mother-in-law as to why doing this now is a terrible idea is met with screaming and yelling. She's going through with this no matter what because she's insisting she's right, and that there's no way her judgement is flawed.
Number 4: My husband is the one that's going to end up doing everything as he's the only real handyman in the house. He's already really damn stressed, his health hasn't been too great the past couple of days, and his mother screaming at him certainly doesn't help his mood. And when my husband isn't in a great mood, it puts me on edge too.
I'm not saying living in the same house as the in-laws are a nightmare. It's been far from it. But there have been incidents with his parents where they just keep making completely boneheaded decisions that end up wasting an unnecessary amount of time and money. Sometimes I just want to punch somebody.
At least in a week or so you'll have a new tub to soak in and soothe away the pent up rage?
I just managed to graduate, after many years of struggling.
I just managed to get a full-time job that ensures I have a secure economy.
I have just started to feel good about things, considering a more active social life, exercising every day.
Yesterday I woke up early and started cleaning -with a smile on my face, because I felt like it. I was well-rested, my first week with school starting up felt properly planned.
Today, I slept in a little, figuring I would swim my 500 meters later, since I wanted to look good the first time I met with the students and not have frizzy post-swim hair.
After lunch, I sit down to sort through random stuff and relax, and then my mom and sister comes by, with the principal, dropping the bomb on me:
My father is gone. He died this morning. He's been sick for a while (COPD), but it's not seemed too bad lately. It's been a year and a half since I had to rush him to the hospital last time. He's been coughing, but that's how it's always been. I just can't believe he's not here anymore.
I once read somewhere that Millenials like myself are the cause of many ills in the nation, y'know what? unicorns it, I've read in too many rags and in too many 'sensationalist' stories that millenials are the root of all troubles. And I once read somewhere that we aren't such problems because we are just evil (because seriously, baby boomers weren't evil, Generation Xer's were not evil, stop that unicorns), we are less motivated and causing as many issues and 'killing' as many industries because we are -bitter-. And the worst part is? Ask any Millenial in their 20's to think about it and consider it, heck, ask any Millenial in their 30's to think about it and consider it, and most will tell you that, yes. A good number of us ARE bitter. There was a meme about nobody remembering the 90's? A good chunk of us Millenials do. It's the last time we were told with genuine hope that the world was our oyster, that we could actually look at going out when we turned 21, buy ourselves a relatively nice home in a safe neighborhood for a not so ridiculous price and not have to work more than one career our entire lives for it. Then everything came down around us, Technology started sprouting up, the economy started crashing, inflation going nuts, and all in all? We are the ones who are probably closest to the lost generation. We are the ones who suffered the cross. The youngest of us would suffer less than the oldest amongst us, but only because we had the opportunity to grow up with the technology that boomed, that's taken precedence in today's society. The generations that came before? They are taken care of in most senses, they've had their opportunity to lay their nest eggs, to prepare for their own lives beyond working age, and to have their homes bought, cars paid off, and credit scores put up well. But us? Just as we got started, we had all of that taken away. We are bitter not because we have to work harder for the same amount as prior generations, we are bitter because we were the ones who grew up with promises of so much more, and yet look at us now? Three jobs a week at minimum wage just to afford an apartment? And everyone wonders why we want college education, better paid jobs, and reliably safe places to live over children, diamonds, and marriage? The generation to come after us will square their shoulders and bear the load because they will know nothing better, they will not have the memories of the promises we recieved, they will remember only that "this is the way it always has been for us." But many of us Millenials? There are victims for crossing into every age, and we Millenials and the dreams instilled into us by our mothers and our fathers are those victims, and it only takes a song I grew up with to make me sadly reminisce when I was able to just go outside, sit in the dirt, and just play by myself without worrying if I need to look at a part-time job just to make sure I can pinch in more than I already do when my family is unsure if they can afford everything they would need to cover that month.
These are my own thoughts, results of me sitting in bed, trying to drink water and orange juice, and eat cold soup when I remember I have it on hand hours after it was given to me, and they are the thoughts that cry out the loudest when I am all but silent myself. Thank you for reading, and sorry for being depressing.
As for killing industries....how are we expected to support those industries when many of us come out of college (which we are basically told we have to go to) with upwards of 40-50 thousand dollars in debt, into job fields that require not just a BA/BS but and MA/MS or higher and five years of experience in the field for entry level positions. And even then, how are we supposed to manage on the wages actually being paid?
No thank you. Go away. Do not come back.
Hello 3 day weeks (fingers crossed) for the foreseeable future.
YOU are very welcome into my loving arms.
Cute-Kelli by @Sessizlik.
Then my dad died. On the first day of actual school. Doesn't matter that he was sick, it was still unexpected and it completely drained my enthusiasm (naturally). It's been rough trying to go through it all, sorting everything out while the head keeps bouncing back and forth between good memories to the awful mental images of his last minute alive. It went quick, is what we were told. He died at home, which is what he wanted, but is of little comfort when you miss him and feel bad about not visiting him so often.
To make things worse, even though this is a relatively small thing in comparison, last week I found out that someone has been skimming my account. Close to $400 has been taken in small amounts around the time one usually pays the bills, so it went unnoticed. Thankfully the bank is stepping in and returning the lost money, and I get a new card before my trip next weekend. (Adding to the frustration is that the card was blocked for internet purchases before I could try for one more go at salvage.)
I need more energy. It's draining way too rapidly lately.
Welp. Great first year living in Florida.