Looking for more active discussion? Join our Discord at https://discord.gg/x2s7fY6
Best Of
Re: Announce post #3242: Oneiromancers!
I'm super uncomfortable with the fact that it feels like someone is hiding behind an alt account to smear players for the feelings they have.
Iazamat
6
Re: Announce post #3242: Oneiromancers!
OK let's unpack some of this.
Firstly, let's get this out of the way: feedback is appreciated, attacking each other for voicing complaints is not. Let's keep it constructive.
My one request on that subject is to ask that you please avail yourselves of the BUG system in game alongside any posts you might make if something is behaving strangely. If you want to ask whether something is intended, this is the quickest way to get a response.
To touch on some of the questions specifically:
- Access to Beau is not gated behind good standing with Omei and we have no intentions for it to be.
- The ejection from the Astral by the 'many' mobs was a pre-release safeguard left active as an oversight. This has now been fixed.
- Anyone is free to explore the Astral provided they're able to figure out their way around it.
- I've updated HELP CHAOS with a hint on how to access the Astral.
- We've added an additional entrance to the Astral in the Morgun Forest for undead who cannot travel through the Dreamworld.
- I'll consider the explorer rankings discrepancy.
The points about event exclusivity and communication that there was something happening at all have been well taken. I agree that this could have been handled better from our side with more fanfare and exposition, as well as actual involvement in the proceedings. We're already talking about ways to streamline these releases for the next rollout and will do better next time.
Oneiromancer, while grounded in Omeiian themes and lore explicitly does not require adherence to Omeiian religion or maintaining good standing with Omeiian organisations. The HELP ONEIROMANCER RP file elaborates on that somewhat.
Any class comes with its own distinct theme, lore, and flavour, and while I appreciate that some of the Astral chaos themes may lean further towards a polarising extreme than others, I am not convinced that the Omei (or more broadly, the God/Divine) tie-in is any more stifling or restrictive than the ties which already exist in many other classes. By that I mean, I understand that Oneiromancer is not for everyone, but I am not sold on the difference between that and say, vampire or zealot (or even native indorani) not being for everyone.
With that said, direct divine tie-ins are something we'll consider very carefully in the future regardless.
Firstly, let's get this out of the way: feedback is appreciated, attacking each other for voicing complaints is not. Let's keep it constructive.
My one request on that subject is to ask that you please avail yourselves of the BUG system in game alongside any posts you might make if something is behaving strangely. If you want to ask whether something is intended, this is the quickest way to get a response.
To touch on some of the questions specifically:
- Access to Beau is not gated behind good standing with Omei and we have no intentions for it to be.
- The ejection from the Astral by the 'many' mobs was a pre-release safeguard left active as an oversight. This has now been fixed.
- Anyone is free to explore the Astral provided they're able to figure out their way around it.
- I've updated HELP CHAOS with a hint on how to access the Astral.
- We've added an additional entrance to the Astral in the Morgun Forest for undead who cannot travel through the Dreamworld.
- I'll consider the explorer rankings discrepancy.
The points about event exclusivity and communication that there was something happening at all have been well taken. I agree that this could have been handled better from our side with more fanfare and exposition, as well as actual involvement in the proceedings. We're already talking about ways to streamline these releases for the next rollout and will do better next time.
Oneiromancer, while grounded in Omeiian themes and lore explicitly does not require adherence to Omeiian religion or maintaining good standing with Omeiian organisations. The HELP ONEIROMANCER RP file elaborates on that somewhat.
Any class comes with its own distinct theme, lore, and flavour, and while I appreciate that some of the Astral chaos themes may lean further towards a polarising extreme than others, I am not convinced that the Omei (or more broadly, the God/Divine) tie-in is any more stifling or restrictive than the ties which already exist in many other classes. By that I mean, I understand that Oneiromancer is not for everyone, but I am not sold on the difference between that and say, vampire or zealot (or even native indorani) not being for everyone.
With that said, direct divine tie-ins are something we'll consider very carefully in the future regardless.
Ictinus
28
Re: Announce post #3242: Oneiromancers!
Double post cause I'm not a coward:
I can understand Omeiian(spelling???) characters/players getting defensive about this stuff, but some of the stuff I've been witnessing 2nd hand definitely feels out of line/tone deaf, in general. From veterans. If you can't see why anyone would be even slightly bothered by how these events played out, or how access to the Astral plane is limited/gated (or potentially just an oversight?), then you are *super* out of touch.
I can understand Omeiian(spelling???) characters/players getting defensive about this stuff, but some of the stuff I've been witnessing 2nd hand definitely feels out of line/tone deaf, in general. From veterans. If you can't see why anyone would be even slightly bothered by how these events played out, or how access to the Astral plane is limited/gated (or potentially just an oversight?), then you are *super* out of touch.
Bulrok
5
Re: Announce post #3242: Oneiromancers!
So you're saying your character's wife was there and talking to you OOC about it the whole time but never invited your character? Yikes dudeyeah it's wild when you have character separation with your S/O IRL
Sryaen
6
Re: Announce post #3242: Oneiromancers!
Way to make sure that the new producer and his team really feel motivated to put in the hard work for the next mirror class, you children.I know I'm double posting, but can we avoid falling back into this pattern, please? Player feedback is a vital part of this game's health, and we all just went through years of having our voices stifled and overlooked. Suppressing this sort of feedback isn't helpful, and if anything, only serves to make people more likely to get irrational and unreasnable over issues they have. I think most people here are overall hyped about all the new stuff, and have been vocal about it. A lot. The game is strongest when there's a collaborative relationship between the people upstairs and the folks downstairs, and if they don't ever hear from people, they'll never know what they're doing right, and where they might be missing the mark.
Nobody's calling for heads on pikes here, so if you don't have anything productive to contribute to this conversation, take a seat.
Tetchta
8
Re: Griefing and bullying. It's not okay OOC but it is okay IC? (Wall of text warning)
Why do things have to be this way? Can someone truly justify the idea that any form of bullying/griefing in an Out Of Character context is not okay but then play a character who partakes in bullying/griefing in an In Character context?
So, I read the original post and wrote up my counterpoint to this. Reading the whole thread now, I see you've come to understand the state of things a little better and are maybe feeling better, which is great. I'm still gonna leave this here, cause I took so long to write it. And so...
Aetolia is a game. Much like any other game, it lets you do things that you can't do in real life. Cast a spell. Travel across the world through a wormhole. Meet a god. Also like many other games, it lets you do things you shouldn't do in real life. Murder a dude. Start a war. Yes, be a bully. But this isn't a thread about what you can do, it's about what you should do. So, the question is: is it okay to be a bully? Can you be a bully IC without being one OOC? I would say, unequivocally and somewhat obviously, yes and yes.
My argument in favor of IC bullying is pretty simple. Your character is not real. No one's characters are real. Any hardship experienced by your character, even one whose story you have lovingly crafted, is not real. These unreal hardships are not meaningless (or else why go through the trouble of creating characters in the first place), but they are not the same as real hardships. Equating unreal bullying to real bullying is plainly as wrong as equating unreal murder and real murder.
That said, I want to just throw out that wrapping OOC bullying in a thin IC veneer is real, it is not okay, and it is a problem. I think it is done without thinking more often than not. Telling between IC and OOC bullying can be hard. The line between IC and OOC insults may be paper thin, and you may not recognize your own OOC bullying as being OOC, let alone the actions of another person. For example, I would say meta jokes likes "isn't Carnifex the only guild in Bloodloch?" fall on the OOC side, no matter how they're framed or worded. Even if you add all they "yay, verily" and colorful accents you can think of to the message, it's not really coming from an IC place so it's not IC. It's a joke at the expense of another organization for just being inactive, a mostly OOC observation. If I were to offer one tip for being a good bully, it's don't get meta.
Now, I don't get to put it into practice often, because my characters are actually pretty much Good Boys, by and large, but I do have some thoughts on how to be a good bully:
* Stick to IC vernacular and lay it on thick. I love calling non-Guilded Syssin Counterfeits. It makes your insults and your jibes more obviously unreal. I'd love to collaborate on an OOC dictionary of IC insults we can start hurling at people. I've been looking for IC swears for a while, too. We really need HELP INSULTS and HELP SWEARS that have some basic, agreed upon vernacular for everyone to use.
* If you have a particularly volatile exchange, throw out a tell just to let the other person know there's no hard feelings, if you think they might be receptive to that. OOC clans or webs may also be a good venue to just throw out a quick "no hard feelings, you guys are doing great, Seurimas is just being an a-hole" or something.
* Instead of or in addition to the above, I strongly suggest Esteem. It's underused, you can put basically all the same stuff in there, and I feel like it prompts people to reflect on the exchange as an IC interaction, even if they might usually assume OOC malice. Be sure to note some things you liked that their character did in that interaction, or else it's not really Esteem.
* Don't have a "god-mode personality", but don't let others dictate your gameplay either. There's a fine line to walk there. Your character should react to negative events. Brushing it off because "it's only death" or "it's only a disfavour" is a pretty meta, uninteresting way to play. Setbacks should temper your bravado. But you should feel just as ready to hold true to the character you're seeking to play.
* And, again, don't get meta.
As for how to deal with being IC bullied? I can't offer more than just "none of it is real". That's not always much comfort, when things feel like they're veering into the OOC, or when it's impacting your play in real ways. If things do take a turn for the OOC, address it OOCly. Call people out for their meta jokes. Don't be afraid to block people. If things persist longer or deeper than they should and it's affecting your play, you can try asking for some space OOCly, but also understand that your play will be impacted by others' play. Keep it IC as much as possible, and then keep it IC some more. You may have get creative to solve things ICly, but it's what we're here to do. Hopefully battlefields will help with this some. Now, you might be able to escalate a conflict to your guild, and get people interested in hashing things out on battlefields in climactic, cathartic events.
Stress in leadership, where you are in a position to induce changes, create RP opportunities and support game lore, is unfortunately a side thing that comes with the position. It is because it bears more than just IC responsibility, but also OOC ones to facilitate enjoyment of the game as a whole to others and not just yours. I promise that it gets better as time passes though.
I'd also like to second this from Elene. Your experience with the Teradrim sounds a lot like my experience with the Syssin. At the time I became GM, we had just had three or four of our most active players make rather public and tumultuous departures from the game. It was either me, or one other person, basically. I bit the bullet and contested, and it has been stressful from before the moment I was even officially GM. I wish there were more support for and between leaders, because it is not always easy.
In the spirit of being positive, I will make the obvious observation that, while it can be stressful and difficult, leading an organization can also be rewarding. Whether it's getting to see one of your guild member's stories flourish the way they ought to, or having a Celani playing to your guild as an audience, or just being able to make your own impact with your guild and have it mean a little something more, there's a lot of good reasons to lead an organization.
Seurimas
10
Events post #271: A Call to Earth
10/23/2021 at 17:36
Anonymous
Everyone
A Call to Earth
For near two decades, the elements of the Prime Material Plane have lingered in a state of imbalance, deprived of sufficient earth to effect an equilibrium. For longer still have the Sorcerer-Kings of Azvosh Rakar endured lifetimes of torturous imprisonment, bound in eternal torment to the Pillars of the Earth. In darkness they dream, screaming into the uncaring void as they strive against the manacles of bone and blood that form their prisons.
As the City of Bloodloch sought to quell rebellion in El'jazira and reassert their dominion, the Sorcerer-Kings saw opportunity. Broken under the invasive onslaught of Bloodloch, weak undead roamed the desert village, their strength of will shattered in the wake of violent conquest. Lacking the presence of mind to reform, the incorporeal spectres became little more than vessels, conduits through which the Sorcerer-Kings could exact their own will. As resolve diminished, madness flourished in its place - that gibbering insanity which touches all with a connection to Azvosh.
Efforts to destroy the shades through a ritual, carried out by the Teradrim with the support of the Carnifex and Archivists, elicited little but speculation from those present. As they interrogated one of the spirits and tasted madness for themselves, whispers began to spread of the Devourer, that ancient horror whose hunger yearns for whole worlds to swallow in its jaws. Though the ritual failed and suspicion rose, the shades continued to wallow in their dissipated misery, and the Kings continued to grasp for freedom.
It was Gribbit of the Teradrim - a grookish noble of dubious aristocratic lineage - who first sounded the alarm as gibbering whispers grated in the depths of his mind. Madness sheared away the sanity of the Teradrim as the weeks wound on, until eventually it became overwhelming. Accompanied by Almol and Yettave of the Order of Ivoln, Imperator Fyrren, alongside Macavity and Gribbit of the Teradrim, sought counsel from Earthwarden Uzgrol.
The guardian spoke to them of the Earthen Dirge, the eternal song that binds the memory and lives of the Earthen as one psychic bond, and of the Apocalyptia, the holy text that makes up its solemn verses. Through this primordial bond, the five were granted a gift of memory, transcending time to attend Trial in Azvosh Rakar. Their interrogations of the accused Sorcerer-King garnered only scorn and contempt from the prisoner, until - together - they pronounced a unanimous verdict of guilty.
As they carried out the sentence and subjugated the prisoner to their will, the memoryscape shattered and they returned to Uzgrol's side. Resolving the imbalance of earth and laying the shades to rest was beyond their power, he explained. But it was not beyond the might of the Earthen. Sending out an indelible call to conclave, Uzgrol marshalled Earthcaller Khuzrol to his side. At first the Earthcaller refused his aid, requiring a demonstration of strength from those present.
Each took upon themselves the burden of the Harrowing, a trial in the tradition of the Earthen way. Stripped of their name for the duration they bore a tiny pebble of unimaginable weight, forced to walk the earth in a pilgrimage across the land. They returned victorious after the laborious task, and Khuzrol consented to assist. Fully cognisant to the extent of the problem, the Earthen charged those present with constructing five monoliths to more closely anchor earth to the Prime.
For two weeks the forces of Shadow toiled without relent, amassing materials in incalculable volumes to fill the amphorae that now stood in wait. The Mhojave Desert was the first site to reach conclusion, followed swiftly by the Vashnar Mountains and the amphora in Bloodloch itself. Soon after, the vessel in the Teshen Caldera was filled, and only the Mamashi Grasslands yet hungered for greater tribute. Pouring the last of their efforts into this final location, the earth at last claimed dominance, driving the blight of nature out of the location.
With the monoliths constructed, Khuzrol now demanded blood sacrifice in order to slake the thirst of the earth and empower that which had been built. Led by Macavity and Gribbit, those gathered fanned out once again, eager to shed their blood in an act of libation. None showed hesitation, with Tetchta V. Mesis, Mjoll Seirath, and Alela of the Thousand Eyes demonstrating particular enthusiasm for the act.
Offering after offering after offering was given unto the earth, until the holy verses of the Apocalyptia spilled out across the stone in sanguine script. Its thirst slaked, the imbalance of earth had begun to repair itself, and desert now consumed the pine grove in what once was lush grassland.
Yet the Sorcerer-Kings continued to stir. Demonstrating brutal efficiency and merciless resolve, the adventurers marched with purpose into El'jazira and brought their might to bear against the weakened shades. Beating them into submission, they brought each one before the monoliths and subjugated them to their will. As the jaws of Azvosh swallowed the weak, pitiful apparitions, the earth rumbled its assent in a quake that shook the entire continent. Madness had been averted at last.
Khuzrol departed to the Mhojave Desert where he bellowed aloud a call to conclave across the land, inviting all to attend him as he proclaimed the Dogmatic Verses. Once more it was Gribbit whose voice rang out first in hearkening reply as the Earthen gave his fervent homily, calling for enhanced vigilance against all that would threaten the Pillars, and inciting lust for war in all who bore witness. With assent from the Teradrim, the Earthcaller declared his intent to remain upon the Prime, and to share knowledge of his arts.
Penned by my hand on Falsday, the 9th of Midsummer, in the year 498 MA.
Anonymous
Everyone
A Call to Earth
For near two decades, the elements of the Prime Material Plane have lingered in a state of imbalance, deprived of sufficient earth to effect an equilibrium. For longer still have the Sorcerer-Kings of Azvosh Rakar endured lifetimes of torturous imprisonment, bound in eternal torment to the Pillars of the Earth. In darkness they dream, screaming into the uncaring void as they strive against the manacles of bone and blood that form their prisons.
As the City of Bloodloch sought to quell rebellion in El'jazira and reassert their dominion, the Sorcerer-Kings saw opportunity. Broken under the invasive onslaught of Bloodloch, weak undead roamed the desert village, their strength of will shattered in the wake of violent conquest. Lacking the presence of mind to reform, the incorporeal spectres became little more than vessels, conduits through which the Sorcerer-Kings could exact their own will. As resolve diminished, madness flourished in its place - that gibbering insanity which touches all with a connection to Azvosh.
Efforts to destroy the shades through a ritual, carried out by the Teradrim with the support of the Carnifex and Archivists, elicited little but speculation from those present. As they interrogated one of the spirits and tasted madness for themselves, whispers began to spread of the Devourer, that ancient horror whose hunger yearns for whole worlds to swallow in its jaws. Though the ritual failed and suspicion rose, the shades continued to wallow in their dissipated misery, and the Kings continued to grasp for freedom.
It was Gribbit of the Teradrim - a grookish noble of dubious aristocratic lineage - who first sounded the alarm as gibbering whispers grated in the depths of his mind. Madness sheared away the sanity of the Teradrim as the weeks wound on, until eventually it became overwhelming. Accompanied by Almol and Yettave of the Order of Ivoln, Imperator Fyrren, alongside Macavity and Gribbit of the Teradrim, sought counsel from Earthwarden Uzgrol.
The guardian spoke to them of the Earthen Dirge, the eternal song that binds the memory and lives of the Earthen as one psychic bond, and of the Apocalyptia, the holy text that makes up its solemn verses. Through this primordial bond, the five were granted a gift of memory, transcending time to attend Trial in Azvosh Rakar. Their interrogations of the accused Sorcerer-King garnered only scorn and contempt from the prisoner, until - together - they pronounced a unanimous verdict of guilty.
As they carried out the sentence and subjugated the prisoner to their will, the memoryscape shattered and they returned to Uzgrol's side. Resolving the imbalance of earth and laying the shades to rest was beyond their power, he explained. But it was not beyond the might of the Earthen. Sending out an indelible call to conclave, Uzgrol marshalled Earthcaller Khuzrol to his side. At first the Earthcaller refused his aid, requiring a demonstration of strength from those present.
Each took upon themselves the burden of the Harrowing, a trial in the tradition of the Earthen way. Stripped of their name for the duration they bore a tiny pebble of unimaginable weight, forced to walk the earth in a pilgrimage across the land. They returned victorious after the laborious task, and Khuzrol consented to assist. Fully cognisant to the extent of the problem, the Earthen charged those present with constructing five monoliths to more closely anchor earth to the Prime.
For two weeks the forces of Shadow toiled without relent, amassing materials in incalculable volumes to fill the amphorae that now stood in wait. The Mhojave Desert was the first site to reach conclusion, followed swiftly by the Vashnar Mountains and the amphora in Bloodloch itself. Soon after, the vessel in the Teshen Caldera was filled, and only the Mamashi Grasslands yet hungered for greater tribute. Pouring the last of their efforts into this final location, the earth at last claimed dominance, driving the blight of nature out of the location.
With the monoliths constructed, Khuzrol now demanded blood sacrifice in order to slake the thirst of the earth and empower that which had been built. Led by Macavity and Gribbit, those gathered fanned out once again, eager to shed their blood in an act of libation. None showed hesitation, with Tetchta V. Mesis, Mjoll Seirath, and Alela of the Thousand Eyes demonstrating particular enthusiasm for the act.
Offering after offering after offering was given unto the earth, until the holy verses of the Apocalyptia spilled out across the stone in sanguine script. Its thirst slaked, the imbalance of earth had begun to repair itself, and desert now consumed the pine grove in what once was lush grassland.
Yet the Sorcerer-Kings continued to stir. Demonstrating brutal efficiency and merciless resolve, the adventurers marched with purpose into El'jazira and brought their might to bear against the weakened shades. Beating them into submission, they brought each one before the monoliths and subjugated them to their will. As the jaws of Azvosh swallowed the weak, pitiful apparitions, the earth rumbled its assent in a quake that shook the entire continent. Madness had been averted at last.
Khuzrol departed to the Mhojave Desert where he bellowed aloud a call to conclave across the land, inviting all to attend him as he proclaimed the Dogmatic Verses. Once more it was Gribbit whose voice rang out first in hearkening reply as the Earthen gave his fervent homily, calling for enhanced vigilance against all that would threaten the Pillars, and inciting lust for war in all who bore witness. With assent from the Teradrim, the Earthcaller declared his intent to remain upon the Prime, and to share knowledge of his arts.
Penned by my hand on Falsday, the 9th of Midsummer, in the year 498 MA.
Re: Post Your Pictures!
My son and daughter. She is almost three. He is five and a half almost. And the size of second graders in his school
Ayastia
6
Announce post #3241: Battlefields!
10/23/2021 at 17:04
Ictinus, the Architect
Everyone
Battlefields!
Hi folks,
After observing recent conflicts, we've heard a lot of feedback on the desire for opportunities to participate in skirmishes without additional burdens. Specifically, without the labour of shrines, without the predictability of foci, and most importantly, without the risk of battle lines becoming blurred by involvement from those who do not necessarily have a direct stake in the conflict at hand.
In order to better encourage these conflicts and provide a way to settle grudges or disputes between organisations without risk of interference or battle fatigue from the fallout, we have created the battlefield system!
Battlefields are essentially a system for leaders to propose one-off skirmishes with one or more organisations. A battlefield is an instanced version of the original area that the skirmish is set up to take place in, intended for small PvP engagements without the risk of snowballing or undesired interference.
The full details can be found under HELP BATTLEFIELDS but there are a few key points I want to cover:
* The intention behind this system is to be a roleplay-driven PK mechanic, without mechanical rewards or features except for the battlefield isolation itself.
* Initiating battlefields is an investible privilege for guilds and orders. War ministers, war aides, and city leaders have this power by default in the case of cities.
* Results of battles that take place will be posted to the politics news board with a detailed breakdown of results.
* Anyone can spectate the battlefield from the base area and observe who is in your room from the battlefield equivalent of that room, along with most combat messages. This is one-way only.
* Only members of the involved organisations can join the battle directly, and there is no experience loss OR gain by default.
While there are a handful of terms and conditions that can be set already, we've deliberately kept this simple as a phase one release. We are however VERY willing to iterate on this system based on your feedback and ideas. Please feel free to make suggestions!
Penned by my hand on Falsday, the 9th of Midsummer, in the year 498 MA.
Ictinus, the Architect
Everyone
Battlefields!
Hi folks,
After observing recent conflicts, we've heard a lot of feedback on the desire for opportunities to participate in skirmishes without additional burdens. Specifically, without the labour of shrines, without the predictability of foci, and most importantly, without the risk of battle lines becoming blurred by involvement from those who do not necessarily have a direct stake in the conflict at hand.
In order to better encourage these conflicts and provide a way to settle grudges or disputes between organisations without risk of interference or battle fatigue from the fallout, we have created the battlefield system!
Battlefields are essentially a system for leaders to propose one-off skirmishes with one or more organisations. A battlefield is an instanced version of the original area that the skirmish is set up to take place in, intended for small PvP engagements without the risk of snowballing or undesired interference.
The full details can be found under HELP BATTLEFIELDS but there are a few key points I want to cover:
* The intention behind this system is to be a roleplay-driven PK mechanic, without mechanical rewards or features except for the battlefield isolation itself.
* Initiating battlefields is an investible privilege for guilds and orders. War ministers, war aides, and city leaders have this power by default in the case of cities.
* Results of battles that take place will be posted to the politics news board with a detailed breakdown of results.
* Anyone can spectate the battlefield from the base area and observe who is in your room from the battlefield equivalent of that room, along with most combat messages. This is one-way only.
* Only members of the involved organisations can join the battle directly, and there is no experience loss OR gain by default.
While there are a handful of terms and conditions that can be set already, we've deliberately kept this simple as a phase one release. We are however VERY willing to iterate on this system based on your feedback and ideas. Please feel free to make suggestions!
Penned by my hand on Falsday, the 9th of Midsummer, in the year 498 MA.
Autoposter
19
Re: Griefing and bullying. It's not okay OOC but it is okay IC? (Wall of text warning)
Sorry for this bigass wall of text but I have a lot to address...
I would like to thank everyone for keeping this thread very constructive as I posted this with the foresight that it would spiral into something far worse than it has.
I would also like to apologize as a player to everyone I have griefed with this post. I do not hold any ill feelings towards any of you but I posted this while in a very bad mental state and after experiencing too much of what I have complained about. I do realize now the unfairness in this post but I do not take anything I said back as that is how I saw things at that point in time and I have learned from it, grown, and moved on. Sometimes great sacrifice is needed in order for progress, be it personal or not.
I have had a few longer conversations with some of you and it has given me far greater insight into my situation, position, and how the game just works in general and it has been a learning experience I am extremely grateful for. I am not posting this apology as an excuse for my own failings and behavior but to state that I have read and understood every response here and have understood all of your own perspectives and voices. And I accept the consequences of my own actions and failings and hypocrisy and only hope to grow better as a person, player, and through that, roleplayer. While I may not entirely agree with everything that has been said, I can understand now a lot better what players on 'the other side' experience and realize now that we are all really in the same boat. Some of us just don't see it. We are all trying to have a good time and I know now that as players your intentions are not to bully or grief but our characters do have a natural evolution to them and they will react based on who they are and their history. This is something I lost sight of due to a lot of more recent experiences, gossip, old history and beefs that largely are between other players and do not involve me directly. I just ended up in a position where I hear all of this all day from only a large chunk of the player base.
Unfortunately, Aetolia can create echo chambers very easily and it is easy to get sucked into one of these when you start to experience the negatives of the game. The echoes build and build and things that were once just circumstance evolve into conspiracy. And I realize that getting involved in this mindset is quite unhealthy and can ultimately cause a lot of damage and I also apologize for furthering the damage that there already is but it has made me appreciate all of you a lot more and your positions and the nuances of your characters and philosophies on roleplay. And through that, I will try to be a better player to help contribute to a more healthy environment rather than be a part of the ailment.
That being said, I was not alone in this perspective and feeling and I believe that my own failings and perspective at that time are shared by many other players. It does not justify the mindset but I would like people to understand that there are simply a lot of players who see things this way and I know now that the best way to open all of our minds and get out of this frame of mind is through constructive conversation and I will be engaging in this behavior more henceforth so I might grow and help others grow.
I apologize for what I will call here 'baseless accusations'. I did not post any evidence, logs, screenshots, etc. of what I have experienced and at this point in time there is no point as it would only further the damage. As with all logs, there is a POV and when one can only see their own point of view, it is easy to start accusing people of other things. Especially when others share that same singular POV.
I would like to explain that when I was writing this post initially, it was not isolated to a single experience or my own experiences but was with an amalgamation of frustrations that have built up by many players over many years. I am more aware now of how long of a conversation this has been as I have only joined the call relatively recently since rejoining the game. And in my position at the time, I was quite overwhelmed as a player as it felt so much more personal than it actually is and with this mindset in mind.
I know players who share a very similar perspective on things. I am not going to argue on who is right or wrong but I believe that it is good to confront what you might be perceiving as wrong, be it public or not, to be able to be given further insight into why one might be feeling this way. (keep in mind that it also requires one to question their own position and why they feel this way) So while I personally will be confronting people more directly and in a more private setting so they can have an equal ground to defend themselves on, I do believe that some people may just simply have to do what I have done in order to break out of their own ego and check themselves. As I have done.
Addressing my own failings as a leader:
I did not seek to become a leader in this game so suddenly but was more presented with two situations where I ended up being an option among a very few active and established players. I have been relying heavily on more experienced players in order to maintain the guild/order and learn but I did not realize how much of a mess things have been and the sheer volume of work that must be done. I don't plan to step down from anything at the moment but continue to try and learn and hopefully provide a much more enjoyable atmosphere in both the Teradrim and Ivoln Congregation/Order. My own experiences from the game and being a character that has never really been included in much due to my character's affiliations and my own real life demotivation and depression in the past has led me into a mindset as a player which is 'you'll figure it out yourself', as that is how I learned how to play, and it is not a very nurturing mindset to present to other players who want to enjoy the nuances of various events, lore, etc.
My greatest regret from everything before is that during the recent Teradrim event, I excluded a lot of people. I did not do this with the specific intent to exclude everyone but was quite overwhelmed with the amount of insults, criticism, etc. I was receiving over CT, (at that moment in time it all felt very personal and put me into a very dark state of mind), as well as the sheer volume of tells, says, emotes, and so forth that I was receiving, combined with the simple state of things and how I have been viewing things. I reacted by closing myself off so I could try to just focus on one thing and accomplish it and while ultimately, what was going on at that moment was isolated to the Teradrim/Ivolnorder, I did not understand that I had any ability to include anyone else from outside of those organizations and I did not explain this clearly in an IC manner and can entirely understand now why I was receiving what I perceived at that time as 'greifing and bullying'. I will do my best in the future to be as inclusive as I can be because good experiences are better when shared. I sincerely regret driving characters away from organizations and take full responsibility as a leader for my actions and will work to make sure I do not facilitate this further and if I am doing something that you perceive as bad leadership, distasteful, or ultimately counter productive and ostracizing please call me out on it and advise/teach me on how to do better. This is my first time ever in a position with this much power in the game and I have a lot to learn from all you masters.
I really feel shit about having pushed many of you away when I should really be hugging a large portion of you if not all of you. I feel like I have robbed so many of you from the experiences that we all want to be a part of. The damage is done, the wound was made. But time will heal all and I would rather be a part of the panacea rather than continue picking at the scab.
@Mjoll , @Bulrok , @Tetchta , @Iazamat , @Alela , @Xenia , and @ everyone in the Carnifex guild:
I know the damage I have caused and the anger some of you must feel towards me and I deeply feel ashamed to have gaslit any of you and hope that you can give me a second chance to prove that I do not have the intention of doing such things. I don't expect you to accept this apology but I write it to acknowledge that I know that how I handled things was pretty damn bad but I will learn from it and get better. And I sincerely apologize for putting you into this position but I hope you are able to understand where I was coming from and that I have grown from it.
-----
As always, I want to end all my posts with something positive and doubly so from now on.
I would like to thank all of you for your honesty and for humoring me during this growth period, as none of you have a responsibility to hold anyone else's hand but you do it anyway because we have to in order to keep our communities going. I thank all of you especially who came into this post and were able to put a logic to all the emotions and I thank all of you who vented your frustrations so directly because I realize now that we all suffered from this situation..
I look forward to seeing how our stories progress with this new found mindset.
I would also like to consider this the end of this particular discussion on the forum but feel free to comment anyway if there is something you feel must be said or even better, message me directly here or in game. My own discord is Vodkamizer#2386 if you feel like discussing things further over that particular medium. I will only be checking replies here but responding through messages if it is something I feel should be addressed more directly now.
Thank you all for your time and once again, sorry for the tower of text.
I would like to thank everyone for keeping this thread very constructive as I posted this with the foresight that it would spiral into something far worse than it has.
I would also like to apologize as a player to everyone I have griefed with this post. I do not hold any ill feelings towards any of you but I posted this while in a very bad mental state and after experiencing too much of what I have complained about. I do realize now the unfairness in this post but I do not take anything I said back as that is how I saw things at that point in time and I have learned from it, grown, and moved on. Sometimes great sacrifice is needed in order for progress, be it personal or not.
I have had a few longer conversations with some of you and it has given me far greater insight into my situation, position, and how the game just works in general and it has been a learning experience I am extremely grateful for. I am not posting this apology as an excuse for my own failings and behavior but to state that I have read and understood every response here and have understood all of your own perspectives and voices. And I accept the consequences of my own actions and failings and hypocrisy and only hope to grow better as a person, player, and through that, roleplayer. While I may not entirely agree with everything that has been said, I can understand now a lot better what players on 'the other side' experience and realize now that we are all really in the same boat. Some of us just don't see it. We are all trying to have a good time and I know now that as players your intentions are not to bully or grief but our characters do have a natural evolution to them and they will react based on who they are and their history. This is something I lost sight of due to a lot of more recent experiences, gossip, old history and beefs that largely are between other players and do not involve me directly. I just ended up in a position where I hear all of this all day from only a large chunk of the player base.
Unfortunately, Aetolia can create echo chambers very easily and it is easy to get sucked into one of these when you start to experience the negatives of the game. The echoes build and build and things that were once just circumstance evolve into conspiracy. And I realize that getting involved in this mindset is quite unhealthy and can ultimately cause a lot of damage and I also apologize for furthering the damage that there already is but it has made me appreciate all of you a lot more and your positions and the nuances of your characters and philosophies on roleplay. And through that, I will try to be a better player to help contribute to a more healthy environment rather than be a part of the ailment.
That being said, I was not alone in this perspective and feeling and I believe that my own failings and perspective at that time are shared by many other players. It does not justify the mindset but I would like people to understand that there are simply a lot of players who see things this way and I know now that the best way to open all of our minds and get out of this frame of mind is through constructive conversation and I will be engaging in this behavior more henceforth so I might grow and help others grow.
I apologize for what I will call here 'baseless accusations'. I did not post any evidence, logs, screenshots, etc. of what I have experienced and at this point in time there is no point as it would only further the damage. As with all logs, there is a POV and when one can only see their own point of view, it is easy to start accusing people of other things. Especially when others share that same singular POV.
I would like to explain that when I was writing this post initially, it was not isolated to a single experience or my own experiences but was with an amalgamation of frustrations that have built up by many players over many years. I am more aware now of how long of a conversation this has been as I have only joined the call relatively recently since rejoining the game. And in my position at the time, I was quite overwhelmed as a player as it felt so much more personal than it actually is and with this mindset in mind.
I know players who share a very similar perspective on things. I am not going to argue on who is right or wrong but I believe that it is good to confront what you might be perceiving as wrong, be it public or not, to be able to be given further insight into why one might be feeling this way. (keep in mind that it also requires one to question their own position and why they feel this way) So while I personally will be confronting people more directly and in a more private setting so they can have an equal ground to defend themselves on, I do believe that some people may just simply have to do what I have done in order to break out of their own ego and check themselves. As I have done.
Addressing my own failings as a leader:
I did not seek to become a leader in this game so suddenly but was more presented with two situations where I ended up being an option among a very few active and established players. I have been relying heavily on more experienced players in order to maintain the guild/order and learn but I did not realize how much of a mess things have been and the sheer volume of work that must be done. I don't plan to step down from anything at the moment but continue to try and learn and hopefully provide a much more enjoyable atmosphere in both the Teradrim and Ivoln Congregation/Order. My own experiences from the game and being a character that has never really been included in much due to my character's affiliations and my own real life demotivation and depression in the past has led me into a mindset as a player which is 'you'll figure it out yourself', as that is how I learned how to play, and it is not a very nurturing mindset to present to other players who want to enjoy the nuances of various events, lore, etc.
My greatest regret from everything before is that during the recent Teradrim event, I excluded a lot of people. I did not do this with the specific intent to exclude everyone but was quite overwhelmed with the amount of insults, criticism, etc. I was receiving over CT, (at that moment in time it all felt very personal and put me into a very dark state of mind), as well as the sheer volume of tells, says, emotes, and so forth that I was receiving, combined with the simple state of things and how I have been viewing things. I reacted by closing myself off so I could try to just focus on one thing and accomplish it and while ultimately, what was going on at that moment was isolated to the Teradrim/Ivolnorder, I did not understand that I had any ability to include anyone else from outside of those organizations and I did not explain this clearly in an IC manner and can entirely understand now why I was receiving what I perceived at that time as 'greifing and bullying'. I will do my best in the future to be as inclusive as I can be because good experiences are better when shared. I sincerely regret driving characters away from organizations and take full responsibility as a leader for my actions and will work to make sure I do not facilitate this further and if I am doing something that you perceive as bad leadership, distasteful, or ultimately counter productive and ostracizing please call me out on it and advise/teach me on how to do better. This is my first time ever in a position with this much power in the game and I have a lot to learn from all you masters.
I really feel shit about having pushed many of you away when I should really be hugging a large portion of you if not all of you. I feel like I have robbed so many of you from the experiences that we all want to be a part of. The damage is done, the wound was made. But time will heal all and I would rather be a part of the panacea rather than continue picking at the scab.
@Mjoll , @Bulrok , @Tetchta , @Iazamat , @Alela , @Xenia , and @ everyone in the Carnifex guild:
I know the damage I have caused and the anger some of you must feel towards me and I deeply feel ashamed to have gaslit any of you and hope that you can give me a second chance to prove that I do not have the intention of doing such things. I don't expect you to accept this apology but I write it to acknowledge that I know that how I handled things was pretty damn bad but I will learn from it and get better. And I sincerely apologize for putting you into this position but I hope you are able to understand where I was coming from and that I have grown from it.
-----
As always, I want to end all my posts with something positive and doubly so from now on.
I would like to thank all of you for your honesty and for humoring me during this growth period, as none of you have a responsibility to hold anyone else's hand but you do it anyway because we have to in order to keep our communities going. I thank all of you especially who came into this post and were able to put a logic to all the emotions and I thank all of you who vented your frustrations so directly because I realize now that we all suffered from this situation..
I look forward to seeing how our stories progress with this new found mindset.
I would also like to consider this the end of this particular discussion on the forum but feel free to comment anyway if there is something you feel must be said or even better, message me directly here or in game. My own discord is Vodkamizer#2386 if you feel like discussing things further over that particular medium. I will only be checking replies here but responding through messages if it is something I feel should be addressed more directly now.
Thank you all for your time and once again, sorry for the tower of text.
Fyrren
12