Best Of

I want to preface by noting that I do not believe that every member of the Carnifex goes out of their way in an OOC fashion to cause anyone grief or to bully anyone. I doubt many people do, in any setting. We each like to think of ourselves as just, fair people in a just, fair world, and it can be easy to believe, in a group or community setting where everyone we're friendly with seems to agree with one another, that we are right, and any mention of a different experience must be false, or must be the fault of that person's own actions. They just aren't approaching things right; they must try harder; they're not doing enough.

There are people in this thread who assert that a victim must provide specific proof of their distress and their experience of abuse in a public setting for all to see, or they must by default not be believed. I can think of real life situations where such proof is also demanded of victims, and as a physician and mental health provider in real life, I have seen the fallout of such an attitude for those who have had the courage to come out with any account at all of their distress, and their experience is repeatedly invalidated by default.

Certainly, allegations should be based in fact. But it is important to acknowledge that it can take someone who is truly harassed or abused an immense amount of courage and willpower to provide such details of their trauma, especially for a skeptical audience who have already presdisposed themselves to not believe them, especially for an audience that consists partly of the accused themselves, and who hold a relatively greater degree of power, both in game and out, if only for the fact of having greater numbers, among other factors. The process can be re-traumatizing, embedding and worsening the trauma further. The playing field, in that case, is not neutral, but is stacked against the speaker from the start.

It may be a mistake for me to be open and honest with my own, OOC experience of the community in Aetolia in this setting, because I am aware the deck is stacked against me, and I am aware that my voice, and the OP's, will be drops in the sea of others who already think differently: Perhaps barraged by a sea of disagrees and lol's, perhaps marked as off-topic - I hope not, and I hope I can have faith that people are still willing to hear the voices of people who might have a different experience from them, and appreciate the courage that went into saying anything at all. I am aware that what I say has a likelihood of forever colouring what other players or even admin OOCly think of me as a person, and perhaps, ICly my character as a character, going forward. But I feel that I must share my experience, so the OP's account is not again discounted as a single instance, to be brushed off, as other voices have been brushed off before.

As people already know now who have read the townhall logs for Ictinus, I stopped engaging deeply in Aetolia about a year ago, due to my observation of certain destructive behaviours in Aetolia's player community, particularly on the shadow side. This was based partly in OOC observation, over the course of two years, of comments in shadow web that openly disparaged members of the Dominion and Teradrim guilds, or the Dominion and Teradrim guilds in general, and raised the Carnifex guild above all others in Bloodloch. There were comments including, and I quote, "Vampires bad, carnifex good." and "F*** teradrim guild." and someone who said of the Carnifex, "...isn't it the only guild in Bloodloch?" and that "Dominion isn't a guild, never has been...I refuse to see it as a guild. And...I thought the Teradrim was just a place holder because I didn't know there were people still in the guild...?" These are just drops of OOC comments in a sea of them that I bore witness to over months and years.

I recognise that not every member of the Carnifex has participated in such behaviour, and not every comment made on shadow web was made by a member of the Carnifex. It can be emotionally difficult to see a post such as the OP's, and feel like you're unfairly implicated in something that you do not feel you have personally done; it can be easy to be defensive in such a setting, and to jump in in defense of yourself and your guild, and to question the person providing allegations whether they were at fault. And yet, like it or not, Carnifex as a whole has likely benefited from such attitudes and such talk as I have given examples of, and the Dominion and Teradrim likely have been negatively affected by such talk, regardless of individual intentions. Shadow web after all, is a popular OOC hangout for newbies and new players and the shadow community at large, who are affected by the attitudes put forth.

The Carnifex, by assertions of certain posters in this thread, is in a position of privilege by numbers and by popularity as it is. Attributions are made of such success to a culture that enables its members rather than stifles, and I do not doubt that is part of it; Mjoll, and all those who have helped her build the guild, have put a tremendous amount of work into making the guild as rich and unique as it is. I have personally witnessed Mjoll and some others of the Carnifex spend quite a lot of time with newbies to help them integrate into Bloodloch and Carnifex and particularly the PVP culture of shadow side. I do not doubt assertions by multiple posters in this thread that they have had wonderful experiences in their contact with the Carnifex. These are likely true, for I too have had great experiences with members of the Carnifex.

That positive, enriching experiences exist and have been provided by the Carnifex and members of the Carnifex does not discount that harm may have been done by some. And again, Carnifex being in a position of privilege means that it may be helpful regardless, given the power and privilege that they enjoy, for its members to look outside the echo chamber of contentment they exist in to see what experience others may be having, and how they might use their power for the better. I am an example of a person who has essentially stopped playing the game because I could no longer log on to such an atmosphere as existed on shadow tether at the time, such that I recused myself. My character has a childe who left Bloodloch and shadow side altogether because of the player culture. My character has a sire who just retired, likely for the same reason. So yes, I agree Carnifex likely has support and numbers and popularity because people within it enjoy being in it and the benefits it provides. But the numbers divide may also have contributions, however small, from people in other guilds leaving because they were -not- having a good time in the current culture engendered in Bloodloch, and they did not wish to join the Carnifex to find a good time because maybe in some small part, some of the attitudes and behaviours of Carnifex members were part of that.

None of us are perfect people. And I imagine there can be fingers pointed at me for things I or my character has done. I own that I have not acted in ways I wish I could have at times, and I have wrestled with trying to work in a way to make people's experiences better, not worse - and I know I have not always succeeded. And, I am writing this to implore that maybe, insteading jumping immediately to defense, some of the participants of this thread can also take some time to think and acknowledge ways that they, in their privileged position, could work to make someone else's playing experience better as well. I hope the player culture has changed since my own breaking point some time ago; please, show that it has.

Edit:
Because this has been brought up so many times by people, I would like to reaffirm, based on professional experience and knowledge, that trauma is trauma. While sexual trauma and physical violence are devastating and make up what people think of when trauma is mentioned, they do not make up all of what trauma can be, or the emotional and physiological experiences of trauma that remain for those who have experienced it. While sexually and physically violent trauma have the added burdens of immediate dangers to life and body, verbal and emotional trauma, interpersonal and spiritual trauma can also trigger the same base bodily responses, beyond words, that a sexual assault or physical violence can cause. These are responses that can last for years, and can be greatly debilitating to mental health and sometimes, unfortunately, also be a risk to life. This applies as well in the case of situations where people feel they have been the subject of bullying or mobbing. While I recognise and appreciate the need of people to particularly honour and believe the horrific, life-threatening experiences of sexual trauma victims, that is not all there is. To deny the physiological responses of trauma in situations where that trauma is triggered or the experience is invalidated, whatever the origin, is to do a disservice to all of those, present in this community and beyond, who continue to struggle with their trauma on a day to day basis, and which also cause significant functional impairment and pain in people's lives.

So please, I ask that we do have a conversation about my points, but do not invalidate the experiences of people who truly have experienced trauma, whatever the origin.

Lately I have not been playing as much as I would like to, mostly due to real life health reasons as I have been going through many dental issues and am currently waiting for surgery to remove an impacted wisdom tooth that is growing into my jaw and against a nerve, inducing 24/7 headaches.

What little time I do have for playing has gone into basic leadership responsibilities and dealing with a large amount of griefing and bullying.

It is widely known that the Carnifex guild are a group of thug-like, brutal badasses who chew bubblegum or kick ass and they are always out of bubblegum. Unfortunately, what this guild has cultivated in my view is a mob-mentality within the game and it has had a negative impact on many other characters/players as a consequence.

People often talk about being able to separate OOC emotions from IC emotions but over the two decades that this game has been around, it should be obvious by now that some players are capable of this very well and play some very unique characters without missing a beat and strive to prevent any sort of OOC bias to dictate the actions of their characters and kudos to you hardcore roleplayers for it, you have got some mad skills and not just anyone can do that level of immersive roleplay.

However, there are also many players who are not able to do this nearly as well or simply are not playing the game for the same level of immersion on a daily basis. Some people just want to be able to pursue their interests in the game, be it crafting, lore, bashing, general chatting over webs or OOC clans, whatever. There are so many ways to play this game and that's what makes this game special in my mind.

Lately there has been a trend going on in Bloodloch due to what I and many others know as the monopoly the Carnifex hold in sheer numbers and mob-mentality and it has quite frankly turned into what I can only describe as a culture that deals with others through sheer bullying and griefing, be them ally or enemy, it doesn't matter to them.

What has this done? It has caused an extremely hostile environment to play in. Sure, Bloodloch is supposed to be this brutal city of undeath, but all I have experienced from the Carnifex is a selfish, divisive, and entitled method of dealing with anything. They are intrusive, demand much without offering anything substantial in return, will try to manipulate other guilds through any means necessary such as herd mentality voting in order to stunt their sister guilds' voices or to try to manipulate leaderships of smaller guilds through telling them what is good for them, which essentially means "do what we say or you will regret it". A mentality that is more often linked with criminal organizations than with civilians.

It is my view that a city is supposed to be made up by a majority of members from the three guilds that call it home, which means that those guilds should be working together towards a common goal and respecting the authority and autonomy of each other over their given charge. Teradrim - Pillars of the Earth/Undeath. Dominion - The Blood. Carnifex - The Master Soulstone.

What has happened instead is the Carnifex essentially bullying the leadership and members of the Teradrim and Dominion in order to achieve their own goals with zero regard for what the characters of these two guilds are trying to achieve themselves within the confines of their own guilds and with their roles in the city of Bloodloch. The Carnifex players may be enjoying this as a form of 'immersive roleplay' but it is at the cost of 'immersive roleplay' for others. Instead of being able to deal with the Teradrim/Ivoln/Undeath themed roleplay that I would rather be doing, I have to deal with the real life stress that is induced from a barrage of bullying, insults, accusations, threats, demands, and so forth FROM AN ALLIED GUILD.

Why do things have to be this way? Can someone truly justify the idea that any form of bullying/griefing in an Out Of Character context is not okay but then play a character who partakes in bullying/griefing in an In Character context?

This is all written from my own point of view and I have voiced it here rather than in game due to the fact that I experience a straight up sensation of real life fear for the fate of my character should I voice anything in character at this point in time. I have invested money and much time, as any other long time player has and I don't want to see this all gone to waste because I have an opinion about things that do not go with the current status quo but sadly that is the state of mind I have been brought to. It is even to the point that I write this post knowing that I will likely suffer further consequences for speaking up on these issues, be it through OOC backlash on the forums or Shadow Web or the meta bias that will likely make me the target of further griefing and bullying IC. But at this point, I rather speak up than lurk and just watch this happen.

There are many players in this game who will justify their behavior as it being a part of their character and 'immersive roleplay' but where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line between being an evil undead dude and straight up griefing people? I speak with players on a daily basis who have crossed 'the mob' and thus suffer greatly for what in my mind are trivial mistakes or simply real life circumstances that have forced a player to take certain actions In Character such as avoiding certain positions or stepping down from positions, etc. Should they continue to suffer for this? Are their own experiences and suffering inconsequential and thus should be allowed to be treated as lepers and pariahs indefinitely?

I have played a Teradrim for a long time and have had my ups and downs but any player who knows me IC or OOC well enough knows that I play this game ONLY for the Teradrim/Ivoln/Undead lore and related. I have my faults as any other player has but I do try to at least provide as welcoming an environment as I can in a game format that is not going to be seeing a renaissance any time soon. I try to breed collaboration rather than division. Community building rather than fracturing. But trying to do this while being a target of what I perceive as a clandestinely organized smear campaign has brought me to a dismal mindset.

Due to the current situation I have explained, I will be cancelling my subscription to the game and ceasing any spending in it as I cannot justify paying for something that allows for an environment with this level of bullying and griefing. If things change, I will likely continue my subscription once more.

Also, I do not mean this as an attack on any one individual but rather a vocalization of what I have been experiencing lately. I am very well aware that I am going to be likely experiencing a lot worse after this post.

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But as I like to end any post like this with a bit of brightness rather than just a straight up rant, I will like to give thanks to every player who has made this game worth sticking around for as long as I have since my return.

Everyone in TCC, you give me the strength to weather through everything, whether it is IC drama or real life struggles and I truly feel I have grown to be a better person since getting to know many of you better and experiencing what it is like to have a great online community to be a part of. I love you all.

To the Teradrim guild members, you are the reason I play this game, let alone Fyrren, and no matter how tough things get for me in game or in real life, you always have my back and keep me anchored and help me get through things. I could not ask for a better in-game community to be a part of and it is always a pleasure when we get to explore our extremely niche style of roleplay and lore. I give an extra big shoutout to @Zenobia , @Amarita , @Macavity , and @Malcanthet because you are my Aetolia-family and you rock my world. (Teradrim puns are mandatory.)

To the admins and developers and volunteers, thank you for your endless dedication to keeping this game going and no matter how bad things get in the short term, you all seem to find a way to fix things and make things once more enjoyable for so many people. Keep on being awesome!