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Although... I tend to have full blown conversations with myself <_<
Or think out potential RP's that I actually never end up visiting.
Hypothetical arguments and what would have been better final words..
"Is that a spider on the ceiling?"
"Should I sleep after this or eat THEN sleep?"
"Did I eat today? Am I hungry?"
"What would happen if the bathtub fell through the floor..? Would I die or come out alright?"
The thoughts of every showering Aetolia player across the world became filled with jiggling slapped jelly!
Cute-Kelli by @Sessizlik.
"I wonder if I added milk to my Twisted Tea(for those unfamiliar its basically alcoholic tea)... does that make it alcoholic milk tea?"
But because life is inherently "selfish"...what exactly constitutes as "purity of heart", and if "impure thoughts" can be considered as tainting what amounts to a "pure heart", then how could anyone ever have a pure heart? Repression is the only real method of that, and I suspect that if you're repressing impure thoughts in the first place, then your heart's already considered impure by that point.
"The love of a pure heart" alone is kind of impossible, as broken down, as even if you managed to keep a pure heart, love would be considered an impurity of its own, because love brings with it lust in its shadow, and if you remove that, then love itself is extremely selfish an emotion, as with monogamous "pure" relationships (using traditional wording here, don't get PC on me, or I get my pimp-whip out), as you both are inherently demanding that the other dooms their own personal family lineage to end with them.
So all disney movie endings are kind of stupid whenever "purity of heart" comes into play, because without the "impurity" of lust, Love is turned into a selfish, impure, dick move basically.
If you actually sit down and look at everything broken down enough, it's pretty damn amazing how it all works. And then you just keep on going, and then you lose track of what is what because at the atomic level, there's a blurring of the line of what is a human hand, and what is the air around it, or the wall it is pressed against, or the table it is sitting on.
no. I'm not stoned, just.. contemplative and slightly existential.
edit: And to continue with this thought, a lot of our ability as human beings HINGES on the ability for us to work in similar setups to ant colonies, with ever greater acheivements being made not by just a single human, who is itself a colony of single celled organisms that make up several colonies of multi-celled organ-type organisms, we also work in groups to form colonies of humans for things such as building, growing, or researching, which can be done by multiple colonies of humans, to form larger colonies, which can work with other larger colonies, until you eventually have countries working together to form planets, which can then work together to form solar systems. The colony format exists at just about every level I can imagine.
I usually try not to joke about suicide, but I do joke about existentialism because that's a lot of where my mindset can come from when I've got too much quiet to sit and think to myself. A lot of personal issues that are more or less "dealt with" try to bubble up anyways when I'm left to sit alone and silent. I might joke about existentialism, but it's less joking to make fun of it, but because it's something I experience, and it makes it easier for me to just normalize and quiet the thoughts that occur from being in that mindset so often. Otherwise they stick out like a sore thumb and can't be filed away into their little drawers where they aren't sitting on my brain like so many other issues can.
"Hrm...I wonder what a shower would be like if the water went upwards..."
Cute-Kelli by @Sessizlik.
@Kelliara A whole lot more fun? <.<
Losing the will to live doesn't necessarily mean suicide though, at least I don't think it does. More times than not, I feel like I don't want to live anymore (the loss of the will to live), but that doesn't mean I want to kill myself. I just lay in bed and stare at a ceiling and do absolutely nothing until my body goes on autopilot and continues what it has to to survive. Losing the will to live is a mental thing. While it can lead to suicide, its not always depicting of it.
I just see more and more of those types of memes and pictures casually tossed into a mix of pictures in a post that literally has nothing else like it and it's jarring how easy it is to agree with. Another, better example that I can't find the picture of now had a kid pointing to a bed and the text read, "Mom, instead of tucking me in here" And the kid is mirrored and is pointing to an empty grave, "tuck me in HERE.".
Another says, "Oh look at the time." And the guy's watch says, "time to fucking die."
I guess the shower thought that applies here is why I'm finding them so absently easy to agree with currently. As absent as, "oh, I'm kind of hungry."
I genuinely do not like that thought process. I do not like the ease of it.
I have no plans on killing myself, I don't fantasize about it. I just don't like how posts that throw those types of pics in just stick with me.
It's something I'm talking to a doc about with on Monday. I proooobably need a meds adjustment.
The reason why anyone... you, me, some random dude/chic on the interwebz.... find it easy to just agree with, is because of our mentality. We see that and we're already down in the dumps, we're already chest deep in mental garbage that we go, "Yep, that's exactly how I feel." It's hard getting out of that sort of mentality, especially when its much easier to be negative than positive. Negative energy tends to be harder to get rid of than positive energy, because positive energy requires more output. And when you're in a mental state of depression/loneliness/etc... you don't have the energy to BE positive, which leads us to just agree with the most dismal and saddening prospects of wanting to die, losing the will to live, being forever alone, whatever.
However, unlike some people (myself included), you're taking the steps to come out of it. You're taking medication and you're seeing/talking to a doctor. Eventually, you'll get better and instead of agreeing with those memes and pictures, you'll wonder "What kind of life are they going through to feel that way?"
Even this in and of itself probably isn't good or bad, but some combination of both. It's easier to feel overwhelmed by the world's problems, but also to realize that most of us share these thoughts as members of humanity. Knowing that, we have the power to connect through shared experience, and to figure out how to get through it.
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."
Cute-Kelli by @Sessizlik.
P.S.: I'm starting a Pussy Riot IG in retaliation to this. Send applications via message/post to join the rebellion against our oppressive Chairwoman Mao.*