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http://arbreaquila.tumblr.com/
My writing stuff can be found here: http://phoeaetolia.tumblr.com/
I'll probably be posting other non-challenge writing stuff there at some point, but any comments or critiques are fine since I'm trying to improve my writing.
http://rouxaquila.tumblr.com/
Oh, right, critiques. Sure, sure, just make sure that knife is sharp and cut swiftly.
Gee, Arbre, now I just feel terrible. But I liked Rivalry!
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."
Tumblr wasn't working when I tried to re-read everyone's posts and start my own acct. I've already written for the Burning and breakfast prompts and was thinking of adding them here.
http://tol100.tumblr.com/
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."
@Emelle - That last one, Rebirth, yikes! I'd heard Omei was nuts, but that's more violent than I'd seen out of her! A Moment In Time was interesting to read- I only realised why she didn't look for the apple after I'd finished it and been puzzled for a bit, it was pretty rewarding to come to the realisation. Faith is different to the others- less of a narrative, more of a manifesto- and I like the change in writing style it demonstrates. Is that how Emelle- for lack of a better word- preaches? When talking motivationally to others, I mean.
@Iosyne - The tense shift right at the start of Seeing Red feels a bit weird, but I like the scenery you've written about. I think I know what that 'effigy' is- I kind of wanted to see what you were going to do with that, so I hope you're planning to write more with that particular element in it!
@Lin - Gateway is really intriguing- like the others, it offers a glimpse into something that's obviously much broader than you've shown. I don't know if the narrative at the start and the recount in italics really fit together, though- I think they could easily stand as vignettes on their own, and linking them together is... well, because they're together you can assume they're related, but there's not really anything to link them aside from the fact that they're together. Maybe some kind of indication or even a tiny hint in the narrative as to what the italics are describing might be would help link it better?
@Haven - Interesting start- I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but I have to ask- considering that the mountain's name is 'desire' backward and some of your word choices, did you intend the first little bit to be... erotic? it's kind of got a hint of sexuality to it, and if that's what you were going for it could be interesting stylistically to push the language choices further in that direction. I'm uncertain as to whether that's what you were going for or not, though, given the rest of the subject matter. Are you intending to elaborate more on the, uh, Goofy Time (no dad no) that you've hinted at?
@Kiyotan - Your writing is good narratively- it gets across the story you want to tell- but I'd really love to see you experiment with description and wordplay. Get some metaphors up ins, or just spend some time luxuriating in describing a setting or person or the mood of conversations and gestures, you know?
@Seir - Write more, I've read yours already!
@Moirean - I really enjoyed the way you described the conversation in 'Complicated' from an imp's-eye view- describing the branches rather than Haern gave the piece a lot of character. The Introductions one you did, I found difficult to get into- I think it's because the progression of dates didn't seem to be natural or significant- it wasn't an even progression, but the dates seemed kind of arbitrary. I could be missing something, because I think you know more about the super-early days of the game than I do, but it didn't really grab me either way.
@Arbre - I admit, I got a little smile from the casual inclusion of 'ripped groins out' in the list of things in Rivalry. I'm not sure if you were going for humour, but I think it was a good choice! I really liked 'Complicated'- it has this frank, straightforward tone to it that's very appealing. Making History is good, too, it's strongly constructed and gets its message across succinctly. I think that maybe Rivalry and Unbreakable kind of end too quickly, though- neither of them seem to conclude neatly, just cut off. Unbreakable especially, I think, would need more to be more understandable. I can see where you're going with both, but they need rounding off? Also, I think you accidentally a word in the last line of Unbreakable's third paragraph.
@Phoenecia - Your writing so far is really solid- it definitely reads like it might be part of a good oldfashioned fantasy novel. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but there's an interesting sort of change in your first piece, from third person at the start- it definitely feels like someone watching phoe- but then it becomes... second person I think, where the reader is more eavesdropping on her thoughts? The second one, lost and found, was super-adorable. Again, very solid narrative going on. It almost feels like it doesn't need the last little bit that explicitly says that phoe was in a good mood- there's goodfeels going on pretty thickly already in that end of the story, so it might be more elegant if left implied by a description of her smiling or whatnot.
@Roux - There's a few other people writing in first person, but for some reason I'm really getting into yours- it's got a huge helping of character, and the descriptions you're using are really colourful and lively. I don't really know any of the people in your circle of RPers, so I'm curious to see who a few of the unnamed characters you've been writing about actually are. Also as an aside, I love your layout, with the list down the side. Classy as hell.
@Tolemy - Wow, your writing is really fantastic- your descriptions and the way you- how do I even say it- wield your words, is really interesting. The bit about many mothers was really appealing, and the metaphor of filling her with trinkets and things, I really enjoyed. Is this your character you're writing about, or one you've made up for the setting? I'm hoping you'll continue using it for the writing, either way, because I'm super-intrigued so far.
We were all thinking it.
My tense and point of view switches are something I need to either get better at, or fix. Most of what I write is going to seem fairly abstract when it really isn't, because I don't want to give too many spoilers. Just insights, I guess? (for example, @Moirean would appreciate "Complicated" more than most, due to being in the Carnifex). I'm sort of using this as a way to give behind-the-curtain look at things already canon. But yes, you can consider everything written about as something that exists in Aetolia tangibly!
I'm stuck, right now, on Obsession. Whereas some of them I had a hard time -finding- a topic, this one I'm having a hard time picking from a bunch of them. I also haven't had a whole lot of time to write either, with vacation and school starting back and such. So maybe I'll get something decent going on there when I get the time for it.
@Moirean: The story is really similar to the sensibilities I'm trying for. Also, I'm planning to take a stab at some of those exercises you mentioned. P.S. Your sense of timing is golden. It serves your humor really well, and I just bet it serves serious pieces really well, too.
@Eleanor: I'm stunned by the work you do - you have a way of embodying the mythologies and mechanics of Aetolia that really bring it to life (especially what you write about numerology). And, yes, the pieces I write are about my game character, Tolemy.
@Emelle: Unreal. You do one of my favorite things that writers can do. You should us just the tip of the iceberg, and that's it. I can already tell that Emelle is a character with a lot of depth and reach, and it's lovely to get to see her, unraveled, layer by layer, the way you've been doing. For example, in your 'Shadows' piece: " Omei gave the Eyes to me before I transcended, so while I was a shadow it felt strange to see everything else but myself, to go unseen to others the way they had been to me before." It speaks really powerfully to the way that Emelle feels about the idea of sight and seeing, but it doesn't give it all away. Beautiful.
@Haven: You don't need me to tell you what you're doing right or wrong. Just, please, keep doing it. I already have the sense that you're the kind of writer who can dance around things, and then suddenly punch the reader in the face. The last line of your first piece is intense.
I really appreciate the critiques!
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."
That one in particular gave me trouble, because I started writing it and switched half way through to a different tense for some reason. I switched all the tenses -twice- when I caught it and it still seems I missed some of the awkwardness that caused in the entire thing. Ah well, on to the next as they say
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."