Aetolia.com Lore Wiki Vote! Forum Rules
Looking for more active discussion? Join our Discord at https://discord.gg/x2s7fY6

RL Struggles, Strife, and Sadnesses

ZailaZaila Pacific Time
in OOC Chat
Heya all!

I came to the forum wanting to make a post about a big old personnal sad that I wanted to share, and I didn't really feel like it was something that warranted it's own thread; in the past the "Mad 2: Madden's Maddening" thread is where stuff like this has historically been put, but the title makes it feel a bit strange of a placement for a lot of the posts that end up there. So I thought I'd make us a new thread for this kind of post.

For those who don't know, when someone reacts with "awesome" to a post, it shows up as a heart - and that feels like a very appropriate reaction for the idea behind the kinds of posts this thread is intended for. As such, I suggest that we consider that a known thread policy: Awesome = Heart.

I hope this thread can serve our community as a place to lean on each other and share in the low points of our lives, knowing we're surrounded by people who care.
MephistolesBruinGalileiAloliZeheiaIadra
«13

Comments

  • EphiEphi
    It's weird but this thread has encouraged me to make my first post. The fact that Zaila is comfortable enough to share here speaks quite a lot on what kind of community Aetolia has fostered. I'm brand new (not rlly to IRE) here but it really caught me by surprise.

    That's all I wanted to say, carry on. Maybe I'll share something later. But I'm NOT afraid to admit that Mephistole's followup post made me tear up a bit. You two are strong as heck. Hope you know that!
    ZailaMephistolesErzsebetGalileiKodaRhineKatieCaynZeheia
  • ErzsebetErzsebet Altaholic
    All of the hugs and love for both of you. I can't imagine the heartbreak you're going through, but if either of you need someone to talk to--whether about this or just as a distraction, feel free to poke at me.
    imageimage
    ZailaMephistolesRhine
  • MartinauxMartinaux
    @Zaila @Mephistoles I am so, so sorry for your loss.. this really breaks my heart. All the <3 to both of you.
    MephistolesZaila
  • GavramelGavramel
    I cannot begin to comprehend the pain you're going through. Stay strong guys.
    GalileiZailaRhine
  • MephistolesMephistoles
    Thank you to any and all who have wished us well. I want to emphasize that this thread is for everyone, however. We have all experienced tragedy and loss. As much as @zaila and I are hurting, the intent isn't for this thread to be about us.

    I know for a lot of you have experienced your own tragedies and I want you, as people, to be free to share them. We shared first but this isn't "about us" and we don't want it to be.

    So anyone, feel free to share whatever you feel. Our pain in no way diminishes your own. In other words, see @Zaila's great opening post.
    image
    ZailaAloli
  • TeaniTeani Shadow Mistress Sweden
    To those tending to or helping their parents/grandparents in their time of need, I have one small thing to say, and one piece of advice to offer:

    First of all, you are awesome. Amazing. It is not an easy thing to stand by someone who is in a state of physical or mental decline, so to manage that makes you incredibly strong. 

    Second, don't forget yourselves. Make sure you ask for help when you need it, even if it is to replenish your energy. Taking a small break does not make you a horrible person. It makes you human.



    KodaRebraGalileiMephistolesGavramelCaynTeotl
  • ArbreArbre Arbrelina Jolie Braavos
    Sanir said:

    Ephi said:

    He actually had that moment filmed and decided to share it with his friends. My fault there. I was head over heels and said okay.

    Consenting to have things like that taken is one thing. Sharing it without consent of the other person is entirely illegal, and you can indeed press charges.
    Your age is a serious consideration in this too. If you were still underaged when it was filmed, it's considered child pornography.
    ZailaGavramelEphiRhineXenia
  • SanirSanir
    edited April 2020
    Arbre said:

    Sanir said:

    Ephi said:

    He actually had that moment filmed and decided to share it with his friends. My fault there. I was head over heels and said okay.

    Consenting to have things like that taken is one thing. Sharing it without consent of the other person is entirely illegal, and you can indeed press charges.
    Your age is a serious consideration in this too. If you were still underaged when it was filmed, it's considered child pornography.
    "Last year of secondary school" so I'm assuming it was over that limit. But yes, this is another concern as well.

    Sounds like you were friends with a lot of shitty people, so that doesn't help.
  • GavramelGavramel
    @Moxie Depends on the bloke mate. Some may talk it out with a trusted friend rater than their partner for any number of reasons that will probably only make sense to themselves; not wanting to upset their partner or needing to appear strong for their partner's sake are probably the top reasons I can think of.

    Through no fault of their own, some blokes simply can't process the trauma and will shut down from it.

    Though nowhere near the level of your own experiences, when my wife and I were told our first born had a heart defect and special needs I needed a bit of space to process things in my own way (side effect of being an introvert). Six and a half years on, I still haven't discussed those thoughts with anyone and don't expect I ever will. Men can be stubborn when we set our minds to it and in my case that is to provide my son with the best upbringing I can.

    Men try to live up to the notion of being pillars for their families. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but we all try to the extent of our capabilities.
    MoxieDarimZaila
  • TeotlTeotl
    So... I don't do this a lot but I feel like context is important sometimes when interacting with people in the odd and varied ways we do.

    I have hit the top 10 life stressors in the last year. While fairly isolated. My dad passed away, isolated from family, and I wasn't allowed to say goodbye. Unable to grieve with my family or with much physical contact at all. I was/am quarantined with my partner (now my ex. relationships did not survive it). I have to move again. I gained and lost a job and so did my partner/ex. Teenaged family member came to live with us. And my therapist dropped me as a pro bono client.

    I'm goin' through it. But I love writing intuitively so I RP.



    I'm also on the Autism Spectrum and I feel like my writing often reflects how that manifests and my reflex is to apologize for that but I also know that I shouldn't, so I will just acknowledge that I can be difficult to interact with and say thank you for those that are generous with their time and patience. I really do appreciate it. Y'all really add good stuff to my life.
    NonateaSeurimasMairaZeheiaRaahIllikaalTeaniRebra
  • MairaMaira
    Hi. No one really knows me well here, so I'm glad this thread exists. Without saying too much, I'm just gonna vent that my RL work environment is toxic, or has became toxic for me at least and I'm really on edge. My manager is being a paranoid idiot at me for reasons beyond my understanding (I'm just blah about attendance, worked there 6 months though.) Not only that but I think they're isolating me, and blocking me of training opportunities that I expressed interest in. I really think they're trying to get me to quit, and doing it by weird bullying behavior. (It's a small crew so, its pretty easy to tell and the walls are thin) It really sucks because I liked my job but I guess its time to move on. <3 That's all. I'm off a few days, having so much anxiety for my real life responsibilities has made me have a beer before 9 am.
  • NisaviNisavi
    edited January 2021
    Maira said:

    Hi. No one really knows me well here, so I'm glad this thread exists. Without saying too much, I'm just gonna vent that my RL work environment is toxic, or has became toxic for me at least and I'm really on edge. My manager is being a paranoid idiot at me for reasons beyond my understanding (I'm just blah about attendance, worked there 6 months though.) Not only that but I think they're isolating me, and blocking me of training opportunities that I expressed interest in. I really think they're trying to get me to quit, and doing it by weird bullying behavior. (It's a small crew so, its pretty easy to tell and the walls are thin) It really sucks because I liked my job but I guess its time to move on. <3 That's all. I'm off a few days, having so much anxiety for my real life responsibilities has made me have a beer before 9 am. </p>

    If I can give advice on anything, it's document, document, document, document. If you have any evidence of a hostile work environment or them intentionally creating a hostile work environment to get you to quit, that can get your employer into hot water though this depends on the nature of the bullying. Unfortunately, just being an asshole isn't enough to constitute a hostile work environment. There's also the solution of asking your supervisor and sitting down with them to discuss your perceptions in a non-confrontational manner in order to get to the root of it. That all being said, sometimes it's best to just move on.

    In any event, it sucks that you're going through that and I can certainly empathize with you as one of my jobs was like that. I lasted three months before leaving on my own.

    My rant: I'm just -tired- all the time. This is still that time of year where my seasonal affective disorder is in the extreme and I exist in a perpetual state of lethargy regardless of how much sleep I do or don't get. My body wants to sleep for 14+ hours if allowed, so I have to compel it to get out of bed, which alone is enough to screw up my circadian rhythm.

    Lastly, I feel listless. I went to bed last night thinking that I was an awful person, which is often just depression talking when you're isolated and trying to go to bed -- but I feel like I've been in cruise control these last few years and I'm not sure what to do, or what I want out of life. There's tremendous pressure from my family to get married and have kids, but I'm not sure if either of those is for me. There's that fear of being alone for the rest of my life t hat terrifies me, but I enjoy my privacy and independence. I'm definitely leaning towards "no kids" though, I just don't see the viability of it in my future and I'm more against it the more guilt-tripped I get by my family on the subject. They want me to have kids so they can have the enjoyment of having children but then hand them back to me when it's responsibility time and I'm not about that life, nor the amount of money that goes into raising a child. I also just don't think I have any sort of paternal instinct aside from my pets.

    So yeah, my rants for today.
    MairaMoxieZeheiaTeaniRhine
  • OrianaOriana
    I touched bases on this in my Affirmations post but I guess I can go into greater detail here.

    So, I am not sure how many actually know much about me, but this last year was met with lots of major health related events for me.

    In Feburary 2020 I had a radical hysterectomy due to cervical cancer that was spreading, ended up in my uterus and my doctor insisted I have it done. Thankfully I was allowed to keep my ovaries for now.

    But, with autoimmune patients, its whack-a-mole. We whacked one issue, only for a bunch more to spring up.

    I was recently diagnosed official with Lupus Anticoagulants, which puts me at a very high risk of throwing blood clots to vital organs, or stroking at the young age of 31.

    On top of this, I was diagnosed with P.O.T.S. which is just a fancy way to say I pass out if I sit up/stand up too quickly, or for too long.

    My heart also doesn't adequately pump due to extremely weak blood pressure think 90/60 (which is normal for me) and I am not sure if many know that when bp's get within 25 of each other its a sign of congestive heart failure, and I am bordering on that, with very little my cardiologists can do.

    So, with Covid-19, I have developed severe anxiety about catching it, which has left me a mess, which I know has come off in Oriana's actions in the game. So, I want to apologize here, if Oriana has been short/cruel with you. I have been overwhelmed, and because of fears of the 'real world' it is one of my only outlets for human interaction.

    So, thanks for dealing with Oriana/Me during this, and I am hoping things soon level off and get better.

    -Darla
    TeotlAxiusZeheia
  • SaritaSarita Empress of Bahir'an The Pillars of the Earth
    edited January 2021
    I started working in my county's Covid vaccination clinics eat the beginning of the month. Up until today, the hardest parts were the fact that they were long (12-14 hours) and involved different physical things than I've been used to doing up until now.

    Sometime between my last clinic and the one today, the county opened up registration for vaccines to include people 65 and over as well as people with high-risk medical conditions, which is estimated to be around 40% of our entire adult population. We already know that people will be on waiting lists for weeks, but we're in the same position as almost every other place - there just aren't enough vaccine doses yet.

    So today I was doing the "greeter" position, which included verifying that everyone going into the area had gotten a text saying that they could come inside for their appointment. (Or figuring out why they hadn't gotten the text, helping with translators, etc.) Part way through, an older man came up and said that he didn't have an appointment, but that he'd been through the registration, put on the wait list, and was just trying to see if there was any way we could fit him in because he was 71 and had high-risk conditions. I had to sit and watch for close to an hour while my supervisor, and then hers, and then two people from the registration phone line, all talked to him to see if he had any other options. It was really obvious from watching and listening that he was just desperate because he knew how dangerous it would be for him to get sick, but there was literally nothing else I could do.

    I know this is far from an isolated case, but something about seeing and really feeling that sense of helplessness over the whole situation really hit me hard. I hope things end up working out for him somehow.

    An edit here after a glass of wine: What happened might literally have been something that was a life or death thing for another human being, and I really couldn't do anything about it. I, and the people I've been working with, are all just doing the best we can with what we have, and we know it's not enough for everyone. Unicorns Covid.
    AloliBraxTeaniRebraZeheiaTeotl
  • MinaretMinaret
    It has been a rough couple months for me, and I am just coming to vent.

    When I moved back across country, I moved in with the parents until I could get back on my feet and get my own place. It has seemed like I was just needed to be here. At the end of the year, they found a brain tumor in my mother. She has native health care, and they just flat out denied even sending her to a neurologist, citing potential cost as the reason for denial. It has now been like 3-4 months of her appealing it and they have not even answered. It seriously affects her way of life, and I eventually worked out some CBD products that allow her to be mostly functional. On top of that, a couple of weeks ago a pet gate fell on her foot, and cause an internal infection. My former mother in law, has her own medical issues and has to have surgery to potentially avoid ovarian cancer. My grandmother has had stage 4 lung cancer for over a year, and we can hardly even visit due to COVID or potentially exposing her to -any- sickness.

    On top of all this, my work, which I loved quite a bit, decided that I had missed too much work due to children or taking care of my mother, and fired me. I had been expecting it, because my supervisor kept railing at me about how I needed to fix shit and make better priorities. Finding a job that works with scheduling and not forcing me to pay massive amounts for childcare is super difficult, and I am stressed about that working out. I at least have Door Dash and other delivery things I can do to make some money in the mean time, but its not a steady, regular amount of pay.

    I am staying positive, but I am already on board the fuck 2021 train.

    BraxSaritaRebraMoxieValorieZeheiaRaahTeaniRihrin
  • TeaniTeani Shadow Mistress Sweden
    Broke down at work today, full out crying as I tried to explain, and also come to terms with my own limitations these days. My usual self can take on most things, being organized, prepared and still able to wing it if necessary, adapting to what is needed as any good teacher should. My brain just can't cope as well at the moment, as my memory often fails me even for the simplest routine stuff.

    Just to give you an idea of how stressed my current situation has made me, here is an example: Yesterday I basically forgot how to properly end a lesson. As any person should be able to tell this simply means that you recap the lesson's contents, remind students of next lesson's contents, ask if there are questions, and thank them for the day. I stared blankly ahead for a good while before thinking "screw it", and then essentially told my students, "You can leave now. Thanks!"

    I find myself having to read my daily planner repeatedly throughout the day, just to remember where I am heading next. This is from normally having my schedule, students' names, last week's activities, this week's plan, all room numbers and times for all my classes in my head. Post-it notes are my new best friend, and thank goodness I started off color-coding all my stuff last semester so I know what papers belongs to what class.

    So far doctors have found no reason for my being out of breath at times and exhaustion, memory issues, and severe lack of the ability to focus(despite MRI, heart examination, bloodtests and more), and mostly say they think it has something to do with me having had Covid-19. 

    Thankfully I have the best workplace ever, with wonderful bosses and coworkers. My principal told me today that I'm likely not of a mind to make competent decision about my own capacity at the moment, because I really want to help and work and not want to be a burden, so he ordered me to skip two classes tomorrow and Friday, just to make sure I can keep it together and not burn out. No pay cut, no consequences. Only an order to not feel guilty about it.



    SeurimasZeheia
  • SaidennSaidenn
    edited February 2021
    For everyone needing a pick-me-up during these wild and crazy times, just a little smile in a wild world that refuses to slow down:


    TeotlZeheiaSarita
  • TeotlTeotl
    I'm sorry I am suddenly so absent. I have not disappeared.

    I am apartment hunting on a really stressful deadline in a city I can't afford to live in so I just... can't. I love this character but it takes a lot of emotional energy to do the development they need. And I need to focus time on energy on not becoming homeless again.


    I log in to check messages and shake my idols, send a couple placeholder tells and do mini solo rps for escapism and then log out. I miss you all and look forward to our epic rp sessions when I am in a stable-ish place again.
    RebraRijettaSeurimasRaahZeheia
  • RijettaRijetta Nowhere Important
    Life's been harder lately. Not as hard as it was a year ago, but still hard. A terrible shift, terrible politics surrounding me, and attempted insurrections make my job extremely difficult and exhausting. I've been away because of all that, and because I just am permanently mad around classleads time so Aetolia stops being fun in the slightest. Sorry to those who've missed me or needed me. I'm recovering.
    A low, sultry voice resounds within the depths of your mind, "I look forward to seeing your descent."
    SeurimasRihrinTeotlRaahZeheia
Sign In or Register to comment.