Need help with character description

Sklax

Have a bad case of creative writers block with translating how I want my Xoran to look. So far all I have are three cardinal colors (gold, purple, black) and a muscular statpack. Any constructive help concerning Xoran descriptions?

Kandara

Where do you want the colors going? Any patterns that you want? What type of feel are you going for with this character?

Sklax

I was thinking black be the main, and the purple and gold worked into it somehow. I cant settle on any patterns per say. The feel of the character is a rogue Xoran adventurer, loyal to Tanixalthus.

Kelliara

I've always found it helps write a list of your characters features. It gives you a bunch of key points, and then all you have to do is string them together.

Eg.

Kelliara--
Hair: Snowy. Wild, loose, fairly short.
Eyes: Yellow. Half-lidded most of the time.
Skin: Pale, scarred

etc etc.

Sklax

I'll be using this as a visual refrence :P

Sklax

He is a muscular Xoran of considerable height and weight, a peculiar specimen of this particular race. A sleek, serpentine face hides a long, forked tongue and short, razor sharp teeth. The pupils of his pale, purple eyes possess vertical slit pupils. Hard scutes of a brilliant gold hue pattern up from his jawline, across his face, and onto the back of the skull, stopping a little short of the neckline, scutes giving way to proper scales of a dark obsidian, with the underbelly of this large Xoran a paler hue of purple. He appears to give obsessive care to the tending and grooming of these scales, his body possessive of a sharp sheen gained only from extensive care. A large tail trails off from his torso, giving him superior balance and posture, the same gold hued scutes on his face appearing down the top ridge of the tail down to the end.

Sklax

I feel like this was poorly slapped together.

Axius

It looks good! If you'd like to refine it, I can offer some tips now that actually will clean it up without removing/changing too much. My recommendation and habit is to follow a path.

Head>face>neck>torso/shoulders>arms>hands>hips/legs>feet>tail.

Every detail you cover in description typically is easier to understand if it is all grouped together. But having a description like yours to start with is -very much- a better thing than starting from nothing!

Sklax

Sure! I don't mind you cleaning it up!

Axius

Heh, well, the key points are the same, though I wasn't intending on cleaning it up for you, just showing you how to adjust it. Y'know, break it into each individual sentence, and rearrange it for a smoother transition. It's exactly how you'd organically look at someone. You start at one part, likely their face/eyes, and move over them to look them over. You don't jump around from their face to their chest to their feet to their eyes, to their hands, to their hair, to their tail, y'know?

But eh, fine. Here we go.

My version, cleaned up, added some notation, used some adjustments:

He is a muscular Xoran. Towering well above most individuals, his muscular body giving an air of weight to his presence. A sleek, serpentine face with pale, purple vertically slitted eyes peer out at the world, forked tongue peeking out on occasion to taste at the air. When opening his mouth to smile, or speak, his jaws are revealed to contain a large number of short, razor sharp teeth. Hardened scutes of ridged bone-like plates make up a brilliant gold hue pattern up from his jawline, across his face, and onto the back of the skull, stopping a little short of the neckline. ridges give way to proper scales of a dark obsidian, with the underbelly of this large individual being a paler hue of purple. He appears to give obsessive care to the tending and grooming of these scales, his body possessive of a sharp sheen gained only from extensive care. A large tail trails off from his torso, giving him superior balance and posture, the same gold hued ridges on his face appearing down the top ridge of the tail down to the end.

Your version for comparison:
He is a muscular Xoran of considerable height and weight, a peculiar specimen of this particular race. A sleek, serpentine face hides a long, forked tongue and short, razor sharp teeth. The pupils of his pale, purple eyes possess vertical slit pupils. Hard scutes of a brilliant gold hue pattern up from his jawline, across his face, and onto the back of the skull, stopping a little short of the neckline, scutes giving way to proper scales of a dark obsidian, with the underbelly of this large Xoran a paler hue of purple. He appears to give obsessive care to the tending and grooming of these scales, his body possessive of a sharp sheen gained only from extensive care. A large tail trails off from his torso, giving him superior balance and posture, the same gold hued scutes on his face appearing down the top ridge of the tail down to the end.

Do denote: These are just changes I'd make to make it both flow better, and to give better understanding of what I'm looking at. (Having had to look up the word "scute" as a native english speaker isn't too surprising, it's a niche word, and I approve of its usage.)

Sklax

Thanks man. I like your version better.

Iatan

Sklax turned out to be quite the guy. Never thought that a Xoran would make a great merc, but gawsh. Maybe Sklax could get scars sometime, or he could age? I think he's getting close to 30, so he isn't going to look so great as he used to.

Arbre

Iatan said:

I think he's getting close to 30, so he isn't going to look so great as he used to.

A. I'm 32 and I look fan-unicornsing-tastic.
B. Aetolians live to 400+ so far - 30yo is nothing.

Sklax

Every birthday he sheds his scales for new ones of a different scheme, and gets fractions of an inch taller, and gains just about as much mass.

He's a good lizard and just wants a heat lamp and a snack.

Age is good to him. Provided the protein never runs out.