You receive your brochure in the mail. Excitedly, you tear open the plastic packaging and take a peek inside. There it is, the advertisement of your dreams. It reads as follows:
You are an 18 YEAR OLD MHUN and/or HUMAN LAD who was raised in DENDARA by ACTUAL, LITERAL WOLVES. One of the wolves was YOUR FATHER. Your father is also YOUR MOTHER, of which you have TWO. This is the world of AETOLIA and this is a PERFECTLY NORMAL UPBRINGING.
In DUMB AND PRETTY SON QUEST you play as Lin's dumb and pretty son. Your name is [redacted]. It means EMPEROR in JAZIRI. You are DARK-SKINNED like your mother but you have the LIGHTER HAIR and ALMOND-SHAPED EYES of your OTHER MOTHER, who is SIBATTI.
In the legal system of Enorian you are what is referred to as a WILD BOYE [sic]. You are very SELDOM-SPOKEN and you display proficiency in SPRINTING and CLIMBING. You are not especially gifted with SOCIAL GRACES, FANCY BOOK LEARNING, or the propensity for WEARING CLOTHING.
You begin your quest knowing your mother's DEEP, DARK SECRET. You do not like the secret. Or perhaps you do. That is what is referred to in the biz as a BRANCHING CONVERSATIONAL TREE. All other traits, aspects, and aspirations for [redacted] are PROCEDURALLY GENERATED, using input from YOU, the player of DUMB AND PRETTY SON QUEST.
Upon accepting the END-USER AGREEMENT, you will undergo the TRIAL PERIOD, in which I determine that you are not a COMMON FLAKE. Upon successful completion of this TRIAL PERIOD you will receive:
- TWO (2) NO-BRAINER CREDIT PACKAGES.
- TWO (2) NO-BRAINER LESSON PACKAGES.
- Silver tokens to learn the JAZIRI and MHUN LANGUAGES.
- Reception of your mother's DEEP, DARK SECRET.
- All of the LOVE and JOY and also HIDEOUS DRAMA you can handle.
To begin playing DUMB AND PRETTY SON QUEST, submit your contest entries via FORUM or DISCORD PRIVATE MESSAGING (Earthcrusher#3845). Due to circumstances in previous game titles, MALIGNED AND EXOTIC DAUGHTER QUEST and M.E. DAUGHTER 2: IOSYNE'S REVENGE, contestants will undergo a period of SCRUTINY and PICKINESS.
Ideal applicants will display STRONG ROLEPLAYING SKILLS beyond a certain baseline. Must be willing to ROLL WITH PUNCHES and handle UNEXPECTABLE SITUATIONS. MINIMAL TIME INVESTMENT required - "A scene or two a week!" That is the D.A.P.S. QUEST MOTTO.
Thank you for your interest in DUMB AND PRETTY SON QUEST!
NO CASH RETURNS. CREDIT ONLY TOWARD FUTURE IN-STORE PURCHASES.