An Honest Doubt

(A short minuet of a task for Moxie's monastery path. While I could have done this as a written report, I thought it would be more interesting to roleplay it! Thank you to Yeras for humoring me!)

A garden of poppies and scintililies (54121) - The city of Enorian (428)
Many of the stars are disguised behind looming clouds, tracing their slow paths across the sphere of the heavens. Ringing the outside of the Temple, this garden follows a stepped level, the first in a series that rises upward toward the structure's bright top. The earth has been sculpted into rising and falling mounds, lushly carpeted with grass and with bright southern flowers, in particular the fiery red of poppies and scintililies. A covered walkway leads around the circular periphery of the Temple wall, preceding an open archway that leads back into the structure. A wrought-iron fence likewise rings the edge, preventing passerby from meeting with accident by falling over the edge. The gardens afford a decadent view of the canal and the Temple Circle, stretched out below in all their luxuriant glory. A sigil in the shape of a small, rectangular monolith is on the ground. A glowing red flame-shaped sigil has been left here. Resting on the ground is a cube-shaped silver sigil. The ethereal form of a guardian angel hangs in midair, cloaked by a pale shimmer.

You have emoted: Moxie leisurely sits amidst the garishly coloured poppies, their violet and scarlet petals fluttering in the light breeze. Held precariously in one hand and tilted upwards so that she might read them, a sheaf of tattered parchment carries the words she is mumbling out loud. Her eyes, like her mind, are distantly focused heeding nothing else but the task at hand.

Yeras hums as he enters and plops down next to you, his eyes moving to the sheaf of paper in your arms. Noticing your distracted face, he gives you a tiny wave.

You have emoted: Moxie peers up from her reading once she notices a presence settling next to her and turns to blink slowly at Yeras, the last of her mumbled words dwindling in the wind. "Hello there, Khimaira," Her tone is not bright, but edging on disengaged as if she was disturbed. She tilts her head very far to the left to afford a better study of Yeras before colour of realization slowly rises to her face, "Ohh-ahhh, y-yess, yesss," Her elongated syllables a practice of hers to regain her memory, "You're here to hear my report, aren't you?"

Khimaira Yeras Tanarian-Siarani-Silverain says, "That's what we talked about, yeah."

Yeras scoots a little over, so that he's facing you. "This isn't some sort of test, if the report is satisfactory, I'll pass you and everything will be good."

You have emoted: Moxie nods idly at Yeras, still clearly unfocused, and scratches at her chin as she rifles through the pages in a meager attempt to reorganize her thoughts. The writing upon them was too sloppy for anyone else to comprehend but the author herself, but it was apparent she wasn't about to hand them over and instead begins to speak, "If you don't mind, I'd like to give my report..." She side glances at Yeras with a drowsy smile, "Verbally." It was the sort of smile, she hoped would garner her some points.

Yeras smiles and gestures for you to continue.

You have emoted: Moxie lowers her notes into her lap, occasionally giving them a glance when the opportunity bestowed it, while the lines of her shoulders slump downwards. She is an unpracticed sermonizer at best, caring not for the nuances of posturing, but there was still a tinge of nervousness deeply seeded within her expression when she looks at Yeras. "I was asked to briefly describe why light is important for the continuation of my studies in the Monastery, but it is my belief you cannot know why something is important without knowing what it is."

Khimaira Yeras Tanarian-Siarani-Silverain says, "Sure, the beginning is always a good place to start when you want to know and report on something."

You have emoted: Moxie nods once again and pauses to trail her fingers over the surrounding poppies, while her senses float happily upon the flowering scents. A subtle distraction from the anxiety that was rising earlier. "Those that have known me long enough understand that I love to see and describe things in pictures - otherwise my eyes start rolling back in my head and I might as well be asleep." She quirks her mouth into a lopsided grin. "So when you say the word Light to me there is something tangible that rises to my mind."

You say, "As an Enorianite, I learned very early on that Light is a presence. It has many forms, as real as the poppies which grace us, but I will delineate it as a spiritual guide. It brings about a belief in people's capacity to change and grow through teaching and revealing."

You have emoted: Moxie continues to gently glide her hands over the blossoms for a moment longer before dropping them into her parchment covered lap, "While I gave Light a picture, even if it is a simple one, I also have to note that it still requires its tower. It is that relationship which goes hand in hand." Her fingers marries together and she hovers them in front of her chest, "These towers are important because they have willingly built themselves to accept the responsibility of harbouring this Light."

You say, "When I was a younger, I could see these towers from miles away. They were spectacular monuments, vastly popular, and you could -feel- the presence of Light within them. They drew you in. To become one of these beacons is instilled at a very young age in Enorianites hearts."

You have emoted: Moxie deflates her expression into one of weariness. Swallowing before she speaks, she watches Yeras' face with her next words, "However, while we have these two pictures neatly painted, I perceived I was none of this even though my foundation might have prepared me otherwise. Knowledge did not come easily to me, I struggled with basic disciplines, and my personality made it difficult to connect with people. I could not share in my peers aspirations of building one of these towers."

You say, "My patience with myself diminished every time I saw those new sparkling towers rise up around me, and I remained content to sit and avoid eye contact with those vastly superior. Isolation was this calming distraction until it was broken."

You have emoted: Moxie gives off a wan smile, it was almost tired in the way it twisted her face. Holding up two fingers into the air, she eases further into her talk with Yeras, "Remember, before I started rambling about my own misfortunes, I mentioned that the relationship between Light and its tower is important." She twists her fingers together as her eyebrows furrow, "Each and every one of these towers are nothing without their guiding Light. This was the metamorphosis I ignored, I refused to believe in their own struggles, figuring mine were simply unique."

You say, "Until, one day, someone I admired for so long reached out and shared."

You have emoted: Moxie fixes her eyes on Yeras as she rests her cheek on a propped hand, "For many, many years I have suffocated my chances at experiencing why Light is important. What it can do for a person's ability to thrive. How it can guide us to our potential by revealing what we can work on." Her voice takes on this fragile, tremulous tone, "I am fourty years old, Khimaira, and while I was enlightened a few years ago, I cannot help but harbour these fears that I will ever get to the place I should be."

Yeras places a hand on your shoulder. "I can understand why you're worried about time. Being mortal, we have a limited amount of it. But you have to understand this very important thing, there's no big prize for doing something quickly. Life is an experience and some of us have to experience more before we can arrive at the place we need to be."

Khimaira Yeras Tanarian-Siarani-Silverain says, "Sure, you have been stuck somewhere, but that's a good thing as well. Those who aren't stuck don't have the luxury of learning new solutions."

You have emoted: Moxie takes a deep breath, appearing wholly disoriented within the field, as Yeras' words reach her. Her doubts felt clumsy and heavy, almost paralyzing her, until they trailed off, leaving her a brief moment to consider what was said, "I know it is not right to talk about my concerns during a report, but I thought I would give myself the opportunity to instead of pretending I have reached full understanding."

Khimaira Yeras Tanarian-Siarani-Silverain says, "Well, this report is about you, so talking about you is a good thing."

Khimaira Yeras Tanarian-Siarani-Silverain says, "I mean, it involves you."

Yeras scratches his head in confusion.

Your eyes sparkle with amusement as you gaze upon Yeras.

You have emoted: Moxie allows her voice to fade with a simple, "I suppose..." She still felt confused, but concealed it with her usual smile as her eyes drift upwards to stare at the sky.

(Clipping some ending conversation - mysterious tbd)

(Illuminai): Saltz says, "Moxie is just doing the Moxie thing to do, often misinterpreted."

(Tells): Sir Iames Gallant, the Executioner tells you, "The one Illuminai beyond prayer, I swear."

Valingar: "How could a daughter of me, the most noble man in the south, be so heartless?"

(Tells): Haven Locke, Illuminai Khimaira tells you, "Be that as it may, I've also seen the strength in you. You can take care of yourself."
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