I literally can't even fathom...: Tales from the Job

Aniko

Didn't see a thread for it so thought it would be fun to start one. This isn't for ranting how someone pissed you off. It's for stories where people did things that were hilarious or left you speechless. I will start. You may leave names (business, person or otherwise) out or replaced of course.


So I work at a hotel, a number of people know this. The type of hotel I work at deals specifically in people who need a temporary place to stay for more then just one or two nights, so we end up with people who stay weeks and months at a time and every single morning we have to *check* if someone is staying longer because they CAN choose to.

I am not normally the one to do this... I hate mornings... normally this is already done when I arrive in the evening, however most recently I had to work a Saturday morning to cover someone else. As per this I went and knocked on every door on my list for people who were due to pay or check out that day.

Now we have this nice chatty old lady sort of guest... I'll call her Jane... Jane is waiting on a condo to be ready and planned to pay again that day. She arrived to the desk over happy and of course her chatty self. Lamenting how she would of slept in and forgot but she was glad I woke her up because her alarm didn't.

Now as Jane is talking about said alarm she proceeds to pull one of these old style alarm clocks right from her purse. I am talking one of these....


And waves it around in emphasis before tucking it away in her purse again.

I had no words.

All I could do was stare at her at this point in confusion that she literally carries this clock around in her purse like its a cell phone.

o.o

Buford

I used to work in a pharmacy as a tech in high school and college, and one night the person up front in the general section of the store asked me to cover their spot for a few minutes. Sure, no problem. Guy walks in looking sweaty and a little ragged, has a little bit of a stink to him like he'd been farting his whole walk into the store.

He walks up to the household products section and grabs one of those $0.99 rolls of toilet paper, then heads to the counter to pay before he spots a bag of M&Ms that he also scoops up. Man's doing this dance like he's gotta go to the bathroom something fierce as I ring him up and tell him his total is $2.00-something.

He opens his wallet and finds $1 and a quarter, sighs, and then begins to have what looks like an intense internal debate. His eyes are flicking back and forth from the toilet paper to the M&Ms over and over again, and he starts to sweat more before making his decision.

He went with the M&Ms.

Teani

Probably more sad than humorous, but still left me speechless. I used to work for a taxi company that was also a community service for elderly and disabled. They could apply for, and be granted, access to this service to be used instead of regular public transportation because of inability to use those for medical reasons.

One day, I rolled up to the store for my next customer a bit early, so I figured I'd be nice and go inside, help him carry his groceries to the car. As I step inside, he is at the cashiers getting ready to pay, so I think "Good, this will be a quick thing, meaning I'll stay on schedule". Man, was I wrong.

He paid with coins, making sure to turn each one of them in his hand -at least- once before handing it over, counting them out loud. Not in the way one might, adding it together as you go, but like this: "This is a quarter. Yes, a quarter. I'm giving you a quarter. Did you see? A quarter. This is a dime. I have a dime here (not handing it over). This is another quarter. Isn't it. Yes, here's a quarter for you..."

I look at the cashier and she shrugs helplessly, as if used to this customer already, holding her hand out and resting it against the tray because apparently he refuses to put the coins there. I decide to pack up his wares to hurry things along a little. He doesn't seem to mind, only taking a moment to look at me in my uniform, nodding his thanks and then returns to his coins.

After all the wares are done, the man walks down the length of the belt, running his hand down it to make sure there is nothing left behind, even though it is quite obvious it's empty. He even returns back up to the cashier again, patting it down, then back towards me, doing it again. After sweeping the end part with his hand four or five times, with the cashier telling him that I have managed to pack everything up very neatly for him, he says thank you and walks to the door.

In the car he's very chatty, extremely polite and laughs and discusses the event with me, thanking me for helping out with the packing, and I get the feeling he might be acting or something. However, when we arrive to his home, he starts paying his fair. In coins. One... by... one... This is a nickle. I'll give you a nickle. See? It's a nickle. Isn't it?

Aniko

Teani said:

Stuff Teani Said

That's actually funny

Synne

I work for a medical device firm. My job is to ensure that the design teams obey the regulations and follow standards for the various products we design. One project was a simple instrument: A torque-limiting screwdriver

Now because I am not an engineer I don't tend to get involved in the technical side of things except to ensure they comply with what they need to comply with. On this project we were going through functional design requirements for a torque-limiting screwdriver which is used to tighten screws in spine surgery. Simple instrument, vital function.

I am a master at choosing my battles so when I saw a requirement that stated "Does not fall apart in surgery," I thought, yeah. Ok. A little obvious, but never mind. But as I peruse the rest of the list I noticed something missing.

"You've not got 'limits torque' as a requirement," I said.

"We took that out," said the engineers.

"But ... that's its primary function," I said. "It's in the name and everything."

"But if we put it in there, we have to test for it."

It turns out all they were planning to test is that the thing doesn't fall apart in surgery, because testing the actual function would take too long.

Jensen

I was working roadside in a neighborhood doing g environmental monitoring when a van comes rushing up behind me.  A woman frantically gets out and asks if I had a cellphone, across the street a dog had gotten out and was attacking the neighbors dog.  The owner, dressed in homemade jorts and cut off Confederate flag T-shirt was fending off the attacker with a chainsaw.  When I called 911 he eventually came out with blood on his shorts and the neighborhood invited me to a BBQ that night.

Zaila

@jensen I am really struggling for which reaction to click that will adequately express the "what theeeee fuuuuuuuuuuuu......?!" I am experiencing while rereading that tale.

Kelliara

Synne said:

I work for a medical device firm. My job is to ensure that the design teams obey the regulations and follow standards for the various products we design. One project was a simple instrument: A torque-limiting screwdriver

Now because I am not an engineer I don't tend to get involved in the technical side of things except to ensure they comply with what they need to comply with. On this project we were going through functional design requirements for a torque-limiting screwdriver which is used to tighten screws in spine surgery. Simple instrument, vital function.

I am a master at choosing my battles so when I saw a requirement that stated "Does not fall apart in surgery," I thought, yeah. Ok. A little obvious, but never mind. But as I peruse the rest of the list I noticed something missing.

"You've not got 'limits torque' as a requirement," I said.

"We took that out," said the engineers.

"But ... that's its primary function," I said. "It's in the name and everything."

"But if we put it in there, we have to test for it."

It turns out all they were planning to test is that the thing doesn't fall apart in surgery, because testing the actual function would take too long.

This is why Quality Assurance departments exist.

Aniko

Got a new one for you

So it happened to be I worked on the same day they were planning to change the hotel sign... in that regard we got out the numbers the crew needed to switch out.
The were "8's" and they happened to be upside down... this is important.

I had a man come to check in a lanky guy... little scraggly but not really odd looking otherwise so I wasn't prepared for this check in.

I start the paperwork, getting his information, scanning his ID and payments when it starts...

"I need a room number that ends in 1, 3, or 8."
...little weird but okay.

Search the system and we happen to have a room to suit that so I assign it.

"Alright I have you in 301."

"Ah, good."
Man's gaze drifts over to the numbers leaning against the wall in the back.

"You know 8... is a biblical number."


Huh? Random... okay.

"Yea? Cool."

He looks over to the numbers again.

"I say this because those 8's over there are upside down..."

"Yea? The guys will put them up later... they are just sitting there."

"But they are upside down... they need to be right side up."

"Oh? I'll do it in a bit."

"You should now... its from the bible... its not right."

I sigh, walk over and turn the numbers right side up.

"That's better... I am glad I could influence you to do the right thing."

My hotel... it brings in the crazies

Drestyn

I used to drive cab here in Spokane. One day, I was sitting outside the Davenport at a stand(Special Parking spot for Taxis) and I get a walk-on(non-dispatched fare) that asks to go to the Mall. I ask them if they mean the Northtown Mall which is about three to four miles away since the Downtown mall was literally three blocks away. What do they say? "No, the Downtown mall, take me there." So I point down the street and say "Walk that way three blocks and you're there." They shake their head, get in my car and say "No, no, don't want to walk."

So I drive them there. For 2.50 USD. Which is the base fare. I didn't get a tip, either.

I'd talk about the kitchen nightmares(lel) I get but they still irk me and I get pretty rant-y and rage-y about them.

Teani

Another story from my days as a community taxi driver:

The people connected to the service have the option to request help to carry things to their door. For example, if they go grocery shopping, the driver will help them carry as much as any normal, healthy person would be able to in one round (somewhere around 2-4 bags depending on how full they are). Most of the time it's a delight helping them out with this, because despite not having much money, they'd give you a coin for the trouble, even though they're not required to tip. Some even invite you in for a cup of tea if you have the time, just to sit and chat, or offer you to use their bathroom, knowing you're constantly on the run during your shifts.

I arrived to the grocery store to pick up this one customer, who had the "extra help" added to the order, and she's waiting outside with one small bag at her feet. When I step out to help her load it into the car, she tells me, in a vastly superior tone, that I need to go inside instead to get the rest of her wares as they are parked inside the doors. Not too happy about the tone of voice, I shrug my shoulders, understanding she wouldn't be able to carry more than that little one with a walking cane in the other hand, so in I go!

I'm met with two full shopping carts, four bags of groceries in each, with one full bale of toilet paper on top and two crates of sodas at the bottom. My customer is already seated in the cab, with the door closed and an air of "don't disturb me, you're beneath me". I tug them out with me and start loading them into the back of the car. There's just enough room for it all. She doesn't say one word on the entire trip home, which is alright. Not everyone is chatty with their cab drivers.

As we stop outside her house, she disappears inside while I start unloading the trunk. I choose a few of the heavier bags to carry inside, because it's nice, right? As I walk inside, I realize it is an apartment complex and the lady does not live on the first, but third floor. I head up the stairs and step into the apartment, placing the bags inside the door as per the usual agreement. I don't see her around, so I call out, telling her the bags are in the hallway. She comes out, looks at the four bags, then looks up at me. Here's the conversation that followed:

"Where's the rest of it?" Ever with a superior tone.
"Well, it's down by the car."
"You said it was here already."
"I meant that I had carried these up here for you. We are not..."
"What? You want a reward for every trip you make? That's insane! Now get on with it. I don't want anything to go bad from standing outside."
"I'm sorry, but we are not supposed to carry more than one round. The rest is up to the customer..."
"Excuse me! I ordered the extra help and I demand to get it! Get me my things up here this instance!"

Her voice has risen and become, if possible, even more annoying. I shake my head in amazement at the behavior, looking down at the heavy bags I'd already lugged upstairs.

"Extra help means that the driver helps carry one round of bags to the front door. I even carried it up the stairs for you, which is not necessarily what I am required to do."
"I am going to call your boss, because this is definitely not service-minded! It's a disgrace! How am I supposed to get my things up here? Hm?!"

I told her she was free to call, but that I'd place her items inside the front door for her, so things wouldn't get stolen while she requested help from someone´to get it up the stairs.

My boss received a call from the people in charge of this service, to whom she had filed her complaint. Their reason for calling? I was to be given an apology for having to put up with such behavior, and commended for how I had handled it.