KITTY!

DraimanDraiman Dr. DraiMember Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭✭✭
I suck at RP posting logs for tips pls help.

Back story:

Draiman left Iosyne's order after she went dormant and Ashmer convinced him to join Chak's. She's back so he joined the congregation and she gave him this mask that, once worn, he couldn't take off, and it tortured the piss out of him and made him see creepy stuff. The mask was stealing parts of Draiman the whole time he wore it, and once she removed it she did some weird unicorns with it and made an egg that attached itself to him. He had to feed it and talk to it and stuff, then this happened after a few days:



A black egg wrapped in veins of blood pulses excitedly, veins rapidly bursting and mending with the force of its movements, sending sprays of blood into the air.

A black egg wrapped in veins of blood pulls itself along bloody feelers attached to you, spinning in a rapid circle around you before settling directly on top of your chest.

You ponder a black egg wrapped in veins of blood's profile, deep in consideration.

The bloody feelers detach from your waist, a black egg wrapped in veins of blood snaking them around the edges of your mouth instead. They pull with iron strength, forcing your mouth wide open, before the egg launches itself straight into the opening.

Searing pain scalds your throat as the egg descends, feelers slimy against your insides as they push, slowly forcing the object down.

After an eternity of painful pushing, you feel the object settle within your chest. For the first time in centuries, your body pumps with the presence of a heartbeat, foreign though it is.

You have emoted: Draiman raises a hand to his throat and rubs it for a moment, before moving it towards his chest. "The Pit is going on already."

----> At this point I figured there was a 100% chance I was going to explode or die in some horrible fashion, so I decided to move to a room that was populated for maximum effect. Was going to emote at them but I died first because I manual RP like a hipster scrub and am bad at it.

You use Shapeshifting Scent.
You tilt your head back and deeply inhale any scents from the air.
You pick up the faint scent of Yeras at The Black Flagon Inn.
You pick up the faint scent of Camile at The Black Flagon Inn.
You pick up the faint scent of Akaryuterra at A quiet interview lounge.
You pick up the faint scent of Emelle at A quiet interview lounge.
You pick up the faint scent of Phoenecia at The Black Flagon Inn.
You pick up the faint scent of Trager at The Portals of Bloodloch.
You pick up the faint scent of Mazarine at The Black Flagon Inn.
You pick up the faint scent of Qephah at A smoky back room.
You pick up the faint scent of Eliser at An imposing office.



The Black Flagon Inn.
A small wooden table is here, 4 simple wooden chairs have been placed at it. A black lacquered baby grand piano with a matching bench sits here. A square oaken table is here, 4 oaken chairs have been placed at it. A ship-shaped bar of varnished mahogany is here, a dark-blue ceramic jug, 4 strange, intricately woven willow baskets, 4 sturdy glass pitchers, and a solid obsidian tankard atop it. A circular oaken table is here, 4 simple oaken chairs have been placed at it. Hurriedly making her way between patrons, Rispina busies herself nearby. A Templar recruitment poster has been posted here. Hulking shoulders tensed to pounce, a black and orange striped tiger crouches here. A delicate, hand-painted obsidian tea cup lies here. Phoenecia sits at a table, idly sipping at her flask. Mazarine is here. You see a sign here instructing you that WARES is the command to see what is for sale.
You see exits leading north, east, southeast, south, west, and up.



You see the following people here:
Phoenecia, @Mazarine

The immense pressure in your chest overwhelms your body, expanding until you burst in a shower of blood. In your last moments of consciousness you notice a strange black haze intermingled with the spray of your blood.
You have been slain by a black egg wrapped in veins of blood.

--> Come back from the dead and run back to the Inn.

(Tells): Sarita whispers into your consciousness, "I don't believe believe I have seen anything like
that before."

(Tells): You tell Sarita, "That makes two of us, Pit that hurt."



The Black Flagon Inn.
A small wooden table is here, 4 simple wooden chairs have been placed at it. A black lacquered baby grand piano with a matching bench sits here. A square oaken table is here, 4 oaken chairs have been placed at it. A ship-shaped bar of varnished mahogany is here, a dark-blue ceramic jug, 4 strange, intricately woven willow baskets, 4 sturdy glass pitchers, and a solid obsidian tankard atop it. A circular oaken table is here, 4 simple oaken chairs have been placed at it. Hurriedly making her way between patrons, Rispina busies herself nearby. A Templar recruitment poster has been posted here. Hulking shoulders tensed to pounce, a black and orange striped tiger crouches here. A delicate, hand-painted obsidian tea cup lies here. Wisps of smoke trailing it, a misty feline apparition prowls about here. Phoenecia sits at a table, idly sipping at her flask. Mazarine is here. You see a sign here instructing you that WARES is the command to see what is for sale.
You see exits leading north, east, southeast, south, west, and up.

You say, "unicorns Pit."

A misty feline apparition purrs, nuzzling against you with familiarity.

You have emoted: Draiman glances from Mazarine to the misty feline apparition. "Uh..did that come out of me, Ser?" He asks as it rubs against him.


@Xenia arrives from the west.

Mazarine reaches up to wipe some of the bits of exploded Draiman from his shirt. "I think so, yes. Some sort of..egg..or some unicorns," he tells you, glancing to Xenia before looking back to you.


Xenia strolls into the tavern, peering about before making way to the carnifex at the bar, pausing as she takes note of a misty feline apparition. "Soldier, what is this?" she questions you.

You have emoted: Draiman nods, not noticing Xenia as she enters. He reaches down slowly towards the misty feline apparition to pet it. At Xenia's voice though, he retreats his hand and snaps to attention as he faces Xenia. "unicorns. Hi. Commander. Sorry. I mean good evening? I don't know?"


A black whip of shadow energy snakes into the room, slithering up into a corkscrew shape and falling away to reveal the form of @Iosyne

Mazarine's eyes go wide for a moment as he takes in Iosyne's form before him, blinking a few times in a row.

You have emoted: Draiman turns from Xenia to face Iosyne, before offering a low bow. "Good evening, Malevolent."

Xenia's chin tilts sharply towards you, "As you were, Soldier," she states just as Iosyne appears.
She turns to the goddess, head dipping with reverence, "Malevolence, I assume this creature--" she gestures a hand towards a misty feline apparition, "is a gift from You?"

The arachnid form of Iosyne skitters across the room, pausing beside the feline apparition to
scratch it fondly behind one ear. "You hatched it," She says, eyes locking onto you. "And what a
show it was."

You have emoted: Draiman seems to relax a little bit, crouching down to the misty feline apparition with an extended hand. "Was it -suppose- to blow me up, Malevolent?"

Iosyne quirks an eyebrow at you in response, Her expression unreadable. "Don't tell Me you were expecting any less? Your desertion called for no less, sooner or later."

You have emoted: Draiman withdraws his hand from the misty feline apparition and raises, nodding. "I kind of figured. A thousand apologies, Malevolent."

Xenia settles some distance from the the arachnid goddess, arms settling into a comfortable cross as she observes the transaction in silence.

Mazarine finally stops staring at Iosyne for long enough to glance around at the others gathered. He winds up skirting around the outside of the Flagon to give Draiman and Iosyne space before lifting a hand to Xenia in a passing salute before striding out into the streets of Esterport.

"Be glad I did not gore your tattoo out," Iosyne hisses, reaching a clawed hand to you. It settles
on the back of your head, still for a moment, before tightening - She squeezes hard, hard enough to draw blood. A long pause later, Her grip relaxes. "Prove yourself worthy of wearing it."

Iosyne, the Malevolent has invited you to join the Divine Order of Iosyne, the Malevolent and awaits a response.
AGREE if you wish to join the order.

Iosyne grants you entrance into Her Order. Congratulations!

You have emoted: Draiman ignores the pain in his head, his hand absently reaching towards his black-inked tattoo of a pair of crossed fists. "I will, Malevolent. Thank You for allowing me to return."

Iosyne turns away from you, pausing to give Xenia a fond pat on Xenia's cheek before departing.

Iosyne warps out of perception, Her monstrous form separating into inky threads of shadow which slither away in different directions.

"Pain, equality, power," Xenia murmurs at Iosyne's passing, head dipping reverently once more.

You have emoted: "A lot of pain." Draiman adds, his gaze moving towards the misty feline apparition.

Xenia's eyes shift towards a misty feline apparition, "What will you call it?"

You say, "Dunno yet. Suggestions, Commander?"

Xenia glances upwards, tapping at her chin, "I have none other than to suggest something which will reflect her personality." Her lips twist with a malicious grin, "Considering it claimed your life to begin its own, I think the two of you are already off to a good start."

You say, "Ah, I'll figure it out. Did you need anything from me, Commander? Or just wondering why I was exploding?"

Xenia wryly says to you, "The latter."

Xenia looks thoughtful and says to you, "Though I note Nenelos is about and perhaps you can do as you need in order to gain Ser Toz's sponsorship."

You have emoted: Draiman nods in response. "Excellent idea Commander. Excuse me."

Xenia nods her head at you.

- fin

This makes 49/50 times I've interacted with a God in the last 3 years and I ended up dead. Always a blast. If you're curious about that 1 time I didn't die, ask @Keroc just how good at PK I am.

"You ever been divided by zero?" Nia asks you with a squint.



XeniaEmelleKelliaraHavenMissari

Comments

  • EmelleEmelle Dreamshaper Tecpatl's CradleMember Posts: 712 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2016
    Fun! It looks like you're off to a good start. The two best recommendations I can give for improving writing are 1) reading, and 2) practice. If you can figure out what you find compelling about how other people write characters, be they authors or other players, you can begin to think about how to try some of those techniques in your own style.

    ETA: I'm a little jealous of the cool ents y'all Iosyne-ites be getting, damn.
    DraimanAtrapoemaXeniaHaven
  • JensenJensen Corruption's Butcher Member Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Since I know you complained about your own diction, read some Hemingway.  He uses a lot of small words
    image
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    What @Emelle said.

    Also what helped me when I first started RPing ever was to add 3 things to my emotes: 1) Setting, 2) Mood 3) Action. I wanted my writing to be as close to book writing as possible since I loved to read. Originally it was fluff but over time I got to narrow it down once I had a real vision of what I wanted.

    Setting can be as easy as rehashing the room description in your own words in a sentence or two. Or even the environment's relationship to your character (rain dampening clothing or sand stinging eyes, etc.). Mood was whatever theme I felt like doing at the time. Was my character mad? In pain? Constipated? And lastly action was short and sweet - what was my character literally doing? Boom. Material for 3-5+ sentences depending on how nuts you want to go.

    As I got comfortable with that I began expanding on the various points where appropriate and tried to think of creative ways to express each to develop and express the character better. Metaphors, imagery, etc. What really helped was studying people's reactions and whether or not it matched what I was going for or expected. Did other writers embrace my concept or reject it? Did they get drawn into the story or was there no progress? Etc. It took years to find a balance and juggle all of this but nonetheless that's how I remember starting my writing. Baby steps. Start broad then narrow. Hope that helps a little!
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
    EmelleXenia
  • EmelleEmelle Dreamshaper Tecpatl's CradleMember Posts: 712 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited July 2016
    Haven said:

    Mood was whatever theme I felt like doing at the time. Was my character mad?

    Oh, this is a great suggestion. It can be related to IG events or something you just make up on the fly -- you could even use a dice roller to decide for you. I once played a game that would occasionally send an echo of a mood or a small event that happened to your character for you to react to, and it really enriched the experience. You can do a similar thing with thinkmotes, which I know can feel overwhelming at first but it does so much at least for my immersion. This brings me to another suggestion: RP with yourself!
    Haven said:

    Constipated?

    Well, that explains a lot.
    Haven
  • JensenJensen Corruption's Butcher Member Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I also pay attention to details in movies a lot now.  How characters react and respond to events, facial expressions, flaws, and relationships 
    image
    EmelleHavenTrager
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