A parting of paths

Xenia

After a long slumber, @Aymah awoke to find Xenia has moved on and is now married to another. At last they speak on the new paths set before them.

Side note: Yes, Xenia is a man in this scene, wtf?

Aymah:
She is a stalwart Idreth and stands just over five feet. Of a pale, snowy complexion, it seems as though she hasn't seen the sun in considerable time. Faded freckles are splashed across her cheeks and the remainder of a toned, if somewhat curvy frame. Her hair, a silvery-white, has been cut short to the base of her nape and trimmed on the sides, the wavy strands allowed to grow only along the top of her head, culminating in a ruffled fringe shading her forehead. Ice-blue eyes, framed by rows of silvery lashes, gaze over a straight nose and pale, plump lips.

(worn loosely open) : a trailing black silk robe
(flaring freely) : a floor-length violet silk dress

Xenia:

He is an athletic Idreth of Atavian heritage with a muscular build, standing at roughly an average height. Strong limbs hang down from his broad shoulders and hips, leaving little doubt to the power held therein. Atop his head, bright red hair has grown into something of a disheveled mane reaching past his shoulders, lending him something of a wild look. Clipping the edge of his brow and ending at the top of his cheekbone, is a jagged scar that crosses over his right eye. His left ear is sliced at a downward slope along the top, giving it an angled 'U' shape that is only visible in glimpses through his hair. Down from his dark green gaze, a ruddy shadow begins to grow complimented nicely by his skin, bearing a color, and likewise a gleam, that resembles bronze. He walks with the boon of Iosyne.

(strung upon a chain around the neck) : a ring engraved with the Seirath crest
(settled on the waist) : buckskin trousers
(loosely fitted over the body) : a long-sleeved gray cotton shirt
(unscuffed and new) : gray leather boots



You have emoted: Xenia motions with a hand towards the portal of the nearby tavern, ushering first Aymah in before following. Once inside he tips a nod towards a young, pink-haired shopkeeper before making way towards a corner table, drawing one seat for Aymah and then taking another set across from it at the table.

Your pose is now set as:
Xenia is here, seated at a table across from Aymah.

Aymah shoots mere glance in acknowledgement to the Tsol'aa shopkeeper, occupying the offered seat in silence. Once sat, she slides slightly down the chair, staring at you with a gloomy air of expectation.

You have emoted: Xenia studies Aymah for what seems like endless seconds, eyes darting over her face and taking in the dramatically changed style of hair. "I don't even know where to begin," he speaks at last, allowing each hand to settle upon the table. "We had our troubles, the relationship while passionate was at times tumultuous and often I wished we could be more active members in one another's lives. When at last it seemed like this would be the case--" he tilts his head to one side, expression sad, "you were gone again, vanished."

Aymah lowers her head somewhat, keeping her blue gaze on you with a slight, though visible degree of difficulty.

Quietly, you say to Aymah, in Idrethi, "I was steadfast in your absence. Waited, at times feeling
bitter, but more often just feeling lonely."

Aymah's eyes drift downward, her expression souring. "This is the same as before," she murmurs, "but this time... you stopped loving me-- why?"

You say, in Idrethi, "Those in my life took notice to my growing discontent and sought to council me, encouraging me to think hard on what I wished for in a mate, a marriage, and if those things still were with you then remain, if not it was time for me to move on."

Aymah's brow wrinkles and she straightens, her gaze directly upon your own. "So you just thought about it and willingly stopped--" She pauses, "Just stopped... loving?"

You have emoted: Xenia takes in a deep breath and roughly shakes his head, "I realized I could not have what I wanted with you. As for the second part, the not loving you, no--" his tone taking on a harsh edge, "it was not easy."

Aymah leans across the table, noisily extending her arm to place her hand upon your forearm, and somewhat reducing the distance between the two. "-How- do you stop?" She says, squeezing the flesh beneath her fingers.

Aymah's lips tighten briefly into a line. "I couldn't even dream of stopping... to love you."

Aymah's voice breaks. "And I spent twenty-five years dreaming!"

Sharply, you say, in Idrethi, "And in those dreams you were not alone."

Looking frankly angered, Aymah smacks her fist on the table, keeping her hand gripping your forearm still. "Didn't you have dreams!!" She bursts, her expression giving her somewhat of a crazed look. "Memories of us! Of me!"

You have emoted: "You have been abandoned before, Aymah, or at least felt it," Xenia snaps with a souring expression and, with the sudden collision of Aymah's fist to table, she jerks her arm back, freeing it from Aymah's grasp. "Of course I had memories, of course you plagued my mind, and you know what I did?" Her eyes narrow as a maliciousness seems to settle into her features, "I did everything I could to force distance. Crossing lines I'd never crossed before, taking women to my bed and then dismissing them away after. For a long time, I simply felt nothing. I drank far more in access than ever before until one particularly emotional outburst I took an axe to our bed and destroyed it."

You have emoted: Xenia glances down at the table, refusing now to meet Aymah's eyes. "I was a mess, after the bed I simply became a recluse, finding it impossible to speak to or hold company with anyone. Kelliara, though, she was there, ignoring my sour and often times cranky disposition, an ear at times, or simply just a silent companion who would trade blow after blow with me in the Arena." She looks up towards Aymah, "The only good that came throughout that time was my training, which I maintained with the same steadfast allegiance I once saved for you."

Aymah's eyes remain wide as she listens, welling up with heavy tears. Her hands tremble, remaining tense upon the table, taking in the words. Her lips move, it seems as though they might form words, but countless seconds elapse before anything is said. "You banished me from your heart," she says in a meek whisper, drawing a shaky hand back through the scant mop of hair that remains upon her head. "I was trapped in a false dream while you battled me, and slashed me away from your thoughts... from our places--" She stops, heaving a sigh, pressing her lips tightly together in an attempt to make the tremor cease.

Aymah's tongue wets her dried lips, and she makes an effort to clear away the knot in her throat. "I understand... but then, I don't--" she whispers.

You have emoted: Xenia makes no response to Aymah's words other than to manage a small, slight nod. "It was the only way I knew to...expel you," he speaks with a tight tone. "Once I came to the conclusion that I could not fully have what I desired with you, that I had to move on by whatever means necessary."

Aymah brushes her hand over her cheeks to swipe away tears, and sniffles sharply. "They filled your head with the idea that because I was away I stopped loving you-- all the years we stood by each other through the chaos that were our lives... my life..." She pauses, swallowing with some difficulty, "My life was never the same after I met you-- and it will never be the same," she slowly shakes her head. "I'd have to expel you -no, wipe you from my very memories to be able to be different than I am now."

Aymah's lips part in a soundless sigh, "And even then I'd probably feel incomplete, like I do now--" She is silent for few seconds. "Do you feel whole? Complete?"

You have emoted: Xenia leans his head forward, both hands pushing and sweeping his hair back. "Nobody filled my head with any ideas," he says quietly. "Perhaps you always felt complete, but as I said, I always wished we shared our lives together more. In my mind I would unlock some hidden desire in you to train, fight, become strong together. Our days would be spent together, training, fighting, living, loving, fucking--" he shakes his head. "This was never going to be our life, Aymah, and it would always have been what I truly desired."

You say, "You ask me if I feel whole and complete, the answer is yes I do. With Kelliara, I do."

Aymah seems particularly affected by the words, and she wrings her hands together in her lap, staring across the surface of the table. For a long time she struggles with the words that leave her mouth, and when they do, they are shaky and verging on incomprehensible. "I'm sorry I was so damaged--".

You have emoted: Though Xenia does not mirror the same level of pain, it is there, evident in his eyes and expression. "It is not easy for me to say these things," he voices words quiet and hushed in a whisper, "but I think if you do not hear me say them you will never understand why things have to be as they are." He takes in a breath, eyes fluttering closed and steeling over his expression and forcing a calm into his voice. "There was a time when I could not stay away from you, even now, I feel a pull, a desire to be a part of your life. No not in the same way as we once were, but a part of it....still."

With a tightening, you say, "I don't even know if that is possible, though."

Although it seems she makes an effort not to, Aymah frees a choked sob, the sound a contained squeak of some kind. "I will never understand," she sniffles shakily, hooking her fingers on the sleeve of her robe in a futile attempt to dry her eyes.

Aymah inhales deeply as she tries to calm herself, but the exhalation is as trembling as before. "How can you live with that pull... and -make- yourself understand this nonsense... that pull is not a fond memory, Xenia--" She stops, swallowing again, "it's fate-- it's... our souls' pull, our hearts--" She shakes her head, pushing her chair back a couple inches.

You have emoted: "I don't know what to say," Xenia says after a long time of silence, "Aymah. We spent a long time together, I grew to care about you unconditionally, but beyond that--" he pushes back the hairs from his face, glancing away from Aymah. "Even if I were to say yes, let's just see, throw whatever life I'd built now aside, I don't think I could ever be fully in it as I once was. When we fell in love, I was still very much a child, never feeling the weights of responsibility, never fully understanding the duties I had to the Keep, to Spinesreach and I would not be able to share my life with someone who was not there, shouldering these things with me."

You say, "But beyond all that, I have fallen in love with Kelliara, I am drawn to her and have been for some time. Long before I ever met you or Noelle, the first person I ever noticed, whom I wished to impress and be with was her. A crush I quickly dismissed as unlikely ever to happen but, it was there, planted long ago."

With these last words, Aymah rises abruptly, sending the chair sliding some inches across the ground with a loud screech. "You can't erase the decades we spent together with a teen crush," she says angrily, "-I-" she stresses, "always loved you," her voice tinged further with a hint of a hiss, "since the moment I met you, I -knew-, and I opened my heart to you, I GAVE it to you!" She bursts, looking as if she might lose any manner of control remaining over herself. "She -never- fought for you like I did, like I did for so damned long, I gave up things, all manner of things, I followed you..." she pauses, looking agitated, and breathing rather quickly. "Your love for Kelliara is a fabrication of time, of loneliness-- of weakness-" Her eyes flash a violent jade as she approaches with just as much impetus, leaning her weight on both hands upon the table. "You created it to comfort yourself... and she played along, because nobody else would have her-- why after all those decades would she only then pay attention... to you?" She utters, these last words speckled with disdain.

You have emoted: Xenia just shakes his head and rises from the table. "There's nothing to argue about, Aymah," he says quietly, "you wanted to know how and why I moved on, fell in love with another." He swallows, pushing the chair once occupied into the table, "I've done so. I will not stop you from attacking and tearing at me or it--" his eyes bearing now a great sadness, "gods know I had to do just the same." He remains a moment longer, everything about him withdrawing until those eyes become vacant and he simply begins to make steps for the door, soon vanishing into the evening beyond.