How to woo the ladies

Teani

It's quite long, but I promise some hilarious stuff is in there. Enjoy and thank you @Archibald for providing many laughs. I cried, I struggled for breath and my stomach hurt from it at times!

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Arriving to the Inner Gate of Spinesreach
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Ishin raises his hand in greeting to you and says "Hi!"

You incline your head politely to those around you.

Archibald waves a pudgy hand.

Teani stops in her tracks, peering at Archibald. "Who..? Oh, the storyteller, right?"

Archibald
He is a typical Imp of the more rotund kind, though that might be putting it lightly. Standing at
around four feet above ground, he is obese. His chubby thighs are barely visible beneath the droopy
stomach and it is a miracle his tiny feet can keep this mass up. Flabby arms stand out from his
slumped shoulders, ending in small, delicate hands. Even his wings, or at least the base of them,
are fat, sporting a thin, dark brown membrane. A short, stubby tail protrude from his lower back,
not even long enough to be able to move. His egg-shaped head lacks hair, though seems to be
constantly beaded with sweat. Pudgy cheeks and several extra chins surround a small, rounded nose
and an equally small mouth. Dark brown eyes almost disappear in the fat callouses that are his
eyelids, especially when he laugh. His stretched skin is of a pale orange, though some key points,
like his face, elbows, wings and knees are more of a strained red nuance, as if constantly
overworked.

(wrapped several times around his neck) : an extremely long striped scarf
(curling up over his stomach) : a loose-fitting charcoal shirt
(hanging open) : a snowy white cloak
(pulled up over the stomach) : black cotton trousers
(worn on the feet) : a pair of soft soled boots

Archibald says, "Quite, madam!"

You sign out: With awkward hand movements, "Goodness, he looks like a ball, doesn't he?"

"Archie... bald." Teani tries the name out quietly to herself while looking at the fat Imp. "Uh-huh. Well, pleased to meet you finally."

Archibald opens his mouth to object, though closes it again with a smile. "And you, madam. All is well, I trust?"

Ishin signs I used to joke about rolling him down a hill in the snow.

Aren stares implacably at Ishin.

Ishin signs like a little imp-sized snowball.

Archibald runs a piece of cloth over his scalp to remove the sweat.

Teani has some serious trouble holding back a laugh, raising a hand to wipe her mouth in an attempt to cover it up. "Ah, yes. I'm in a... good mood!" she says finally, shooting a glance at Ishin.

With a sly wink to Archibald, Ishin says, "I tend to put the ladies in a good mood."

Archibald blinks at Ishin, eyes widening. "Really?! I seem to have the opposite effect.."

Ishin smiles and says to Archibald, "Very really. They love me."

Teani lets out a small huff, smirking at Ishin.

Archibald frowns, his eyes moving over Ishin's form. "I see..." he mumbles, pulling out a book. "My mentor didn't think research might be the best thing but may I ask some questions?"

Ishin nods agreeably at Archibald. "Sure, man. Ask away."

Teani looks a bit confused for a moment, but crosses her arms as she awaits the questions.

Making a few notes, Archibald looks at Ishin, utter curiousity and concentration on his face. "Do you feel you're a lucky man when it comes to ladies?"

Aniko says, "I wouldn't rely on Ishin on matters of women really."

Ishin cocks his head a little to the side as he watches Archibald. "Lucky? Rarely. Getting 'lucky with the ladies' is just a saying. What's the word. Euphemism? Something like that."

Archibald frowns, biting at the end of the quill. "So you don't bed the ladies often then?"

Laughing a little, Ishin says, "Regularly. But that doesn't have anything to do with luck, Archibald."

Teani's eyes widen a fraction as she stares at Archibald, equally amazed and amused at his line of questioning.

Scribbling in his book, Archibald says, "Would you say it's your wits or your physical appearance that topple them over then? Or is it perhaps both?"

Aniko rolls her eyes.

Aren's eyes sparkle with amusement as he gazes upon Ishin.

Fezzix blinks.

Teani turns expectantly to Ishin, tilting her head to the side.

Aniko says, "I too am curious what he thinks gets the ladies going."

Ishin purses his lips lightly, his expression becoming thoughtful. Finally, he says to Archibald, "Little of both. I'm a handsome enough fellow, maybe even 'hot' to some ladies. Some guys too, probably. But it's more about how you make a lady feel. About what kind of feelings and desire you can evoke in her."

You nod your head at Aniko, showing your acceptance.

A light of hope flashing in his eyes, Archibald smiles at Ishin. "Is that so?! The book I read never mentioned that. It was rather technical though. You know.. about how babies are made and such. It didn't explain the stuff that comes before that and quite frankly, wasn't very informant in general."

Aniko blinks.

Aren says to Ishin, "Should take him under your wing. Mentor him in your ways."

Archibald creases his brow in a frown.

Aniko looking at Archibald curiously, "Just what book were you reading?"

Archibald says, "Madam Chair was asked to do the same thing and she said she didn't want me.."

Teani drops her jaw, looking at Archibald, then murmurs at Aniko. "Oh goodness, he's really quite something, isn't he?"

Aniko smirks at you.

Smiling again, Archibald says to Aniko, "Oh, a book back home. I can't remember the name, I'm afraid. I was young when I read it."

Archibald says, "It did have some pictures though."

Archibald purses his lips pensively, gazing thoughtfully at some distant point.

Aren says, "Oh? Demonstrate these pictures for us!"

Aniko signs Were I a friendlier person I might find his lack of knowing a little bit adorable.

Aniko pales as the color drains from her face.

Archibald looks over at Aren, thinking for a moment. "Well, it was just pictures of a male body and a female body and how to arrange all the limbs to create babies. It was really quite boring."

Heaving a sigh, Aniko applies her face to her palm.

Aren says, "Ahh, I see."

"NO! No no no." Teani objects rather quickly. "No demonstr..." She lets out a long sigh as Archibald turns clinical instead.

Ishin's eyes sparkle with amusement.

Tapping the quill against his chins, Archibald says to Ishin, "Do you have any advice to give? Anything one could think about when it comes to the ladies?"

Archibald eyes Aniko, giving her the once over.

Aniko says, "What?"

Aniko
She is a typical Tsol'aa with short black hair, cut in layers to frame her face although a few
strands of hair seems to have strayed into her face. Just below each of her eyes are a series of
tattooed diamonds forming a diamond shape. Her eyes are hazel in color, never seeming to keep
attentive on any one thing. Her entire frame is rather petite with quite subtle curves hinting to
her femininity. Tattooed down the center of her chin is a single row of carefully arranged diamonds.
She walks with the blessing of Chakrasul.

(around the waist) : a hardy black leather weaponbelt
(worn on the legs) : gray leather pants
(covering the torso) : a chocolate-piped leather bodice
(worn on the feet) : simple black shoes
(covering the torso) : an embroidered tunic-like blouse
(slung over a shoulder) : a smooth, matte darkbow
(perched on the ear) : a clinging spider earring
(displayed on one arm) : the shining eye of Lanos

Aren covers his mouth with his hand to hide a grin, but fails to hide the amused twinkle in his eyes.

Aniko demands, "I didn't say anything?!"

Fezzix says to Archibald, "If you're into dames, just be genuine. Don't hide what you are, 'cause it means you don't respect yourself."

Glancing at Aniko, you say, "Uh-oh..."

Fezzix says to Archibald, "And dames don't respect you if you don't respect yourself."

Archibald ponders for a moment, looking at Fezzix. "Oh, I respect myself. I had a bit of a downward turn when I was told I was unwanted, but that won't break my confidence too much."

Fezzix shrugs helplessly.

Fezzix says, "I dunno, I'm pretty young, but I figure eventually the right one comes along."

Fezzix says, "Not that I'm looking, anyway. Seems like more trouble to me than it's worth."

Fezzix stretches and leans against the wall, scratching behind one of his enormous ears.

Aniko signs I swear if this imp has any sort of interest in me he is very quickly going to find himself strung up somewhere.

Ishin ponders Archibald's profile, deep in consideration.

You sign out: With slow movements, "Be nice. He's an ally and a very very innocent one it seems."

Drying his scalp with a piece of cloth, Archibald says to Fezzix, "I'm not really looking either. I'm just curious about it all. Madam Chair said it was the best thing ever, so it got me curious since the book didn't make it seem all that fun."

Aniko signs I am being nice.

You grin mischievously at Aniko.

You can tell that Aren is signing, but the gestures are unfamiliar.

Aniko signs Honestly, not really in to relationships... you should know that.

Aren grins mischievously at Aniko.

Archibald says, "You are all waving your hands a lot."

Aren grins and nods at Archibald.

Aren says, "Sorry about that."

Stowing his cloth away, Archibald says, "I guess you have your reasons for it."

Fezzix says, "Plenty of better things to be curious about."

Fezzix says, "Knockin' boots is just a vice. Like drinking."

Ishin says to Archibald, "Gimmie a little bit to think about it."

Once again eyeing Ishin, Archibald makes a few notes in his book. "Not when you're trying to kill your curiosity," he says to Fezzix. "And you have someone around who can answer questions!" He clears his throat, shifting his weight around as he nods at Ishin. "Of course, sir."

The corners of Aren's mouth turn up as he grins mischievously.

Fezzix says to Archibald, "Then you might be in for a world of hurt, bub."

Archibald stares at Fezzix and blinks.

Archibald says, "How come?"

Fezzix says, "Feeding a curiosity like that without actually experiencing it can drive you up the wall."

Fezzix says, "You might be better off just shutting it out."

Fezzix shrugs helplessly.

Fezzix says, "Or not. Do what you want."

Archibald waves his hand dismissively, turning his eyes back to Ishin. "I am sure I will manage. It's not like it will kill me, right?"

Fezzix says, "Depends on your definition of "killing.""

Fezzix says, "Are you killing yourself if you waste your own time?"

Archibald says to Fezzix, "This is hardly a waste of time, 'bub'. This is pure research and research is never a waste of time."

Fezzix says, "Fair enough."

You can tell that Fezzix is signing, but the gestures are unfamiliar.

Aniko gives a trillingly melodic laugh.

Fezzix inclines his head politely to those around him.

Archibald waves a pudgy hand.

Archibald puts his hands on his hips and goes "Hmmm!"

Ishin says to Archibald, "Well, the first thing is to not be too hurt by failure. The shit really just takes a lot of practice. Just like combat, just like being good at research. You have to practice to get good."

Archibald blinks, making a few quick notes in his book. "Practice, of course. That makes so much sense."

Aniko says, "Or you can be really really cheap."

Aniko says, "At least in combat."

Archibald says to Aniko, "Cheap? I was told not to ask ladies to pay them, but if I did, I wouldn't under-pay them, that's for sure."

Ishin waves a hand dismissively at Aniko. "And look. Some people might say you can pay for it. Some girls will even let you. But if you pay for it, it isn't something you earned. And you cheapen it."

Aniko says, "Pffff."

Aniko says, "I still think its funny I pretty much let Meltas kill himself in my spar with him."

With a nod, Archibald says to Ishin, "My mentor told me not to make a market ad about it, because he said I would get a bad reputation and I wouldn't want that. I won't make an ad, but practice sounds like a good plan."

Ishin nods his head at Archibald.

Archibald says to Ishin, "How should I practice though? Approach ladies and tell them they are pretty?"

Aniko's eyes sparkle with amusement.

"I, uh..." Teani closes her mouth again, nodding her head, the rubs her palm over her face. "Good thinking."

Pursing his lips a little, Ishin says, "Nah. That's kinda cheap too. You have to be uh...hrm. Smooth with it. It's really kind of hard to explain. Some women love being told that they're pretty. Softens them right up. Other ones aren't like that, and will just turn their backs on you if you say something like that."

Piping in, Aniko says, "Or stab him."

The corners of Aren's mouth turn up as he grins mischievously.

Archibald sighs, making notes in the book. "It's all so complicated."

Ishin nods his head at Archibald, showing his acceptance.

Ishin says to Archibald, "And what a woman likes may vary from month to month, too. And sometimes they'll ask you trick questions. Like the infamous, traditional, 'does this dress make me look fat?'"

Patting his belly, Archibald says, "There's nothing wrong with a little fat though."

Ishin nods his head sagely.

Aniko peers at Aren suspiciously.

Keeping a hand up, covering her mouth, Teani simply looks incredulously at Archibald with a look that speaks of bewilderment as well as amusement.

Aren smiles at Aniko.

Ishin says to Archibald, "Thing is, if you say yes, they'll probably smack you in the fuckin' mouth. And if you say no, they'll probably not believe you and change anyway. It's just one of those things."

Archibald stares at Ishin and pointedly says nothing at all.

Archibald demands, "They will change clothes in front of me?!"

Ishin says to Archibald, "They might."

Breathing heavily, Archibald fans his face with a pudgy hand.

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "Hello!"

Archibald says, "Perhaps a smack over the mouth is better.."

Sollace raises an eyebrow questioningly.

Archibald waves a pudgy hand.

Archibald says to Sollace, "Hello!"

Sollace says, "Hi."

(Tells): You tell Sollace, "Hi! I'm having trouble not giggling."

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "Who is the imp?"

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "And why are you having trouble??"

(Tells): You tell Sollace, "He's um... a storyteller, new to the Cabal, very very innocent and apparently knows very little of what sex is, so he is questioning your father on how to accomplish it."

Sollace raises a hand to her mouth, stifling a laugh.

Sollace coughs softly.

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "Oh."

Ishin says to Archibald, "Why are you asking how to woo a lady if you're afraid of seeing one nekkid?"

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "I missed the good stuff, huh?"

Ishin says to Archibald, "The whole end-game is to GET them nekkid and in bed to begin with, man."

Ishin eyes Archibald, giving him the once over.

(Tells): You tell Sollace, "Yes!!"

Sollace grins mischievously at Ishin.

Aniko gives a trillingly melodic laugh.

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "Damn it!"

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "Fill me in?"

(Tells): You tell Sollace, "I... as soon as my mind is calm enough to actually think..."

You raise a hand to your mouth, stifling a laugh.

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "I cant wait."

Archibald coughs, pulling out his cloth to dry his scalp. "I need to start somewhere first, don't I? Or do people just get naked straight away? Oh! Perhaps that's for the best? Then there won't be any more awkwardness about body ideals and such!"

Sollace raises an eyebrow at Archibald.

Archibald says, "I'm not sure if my nakedness might scare them off though.,"

Ishin slips over next to you, draping an arm across your shoulders. "Everyone starts somewhere," he agrees. "Nekkidness rarely comes first. And if it does, she may not be a lady worth seeing nekkid to begin with."

Aniko coughs softly.

Archibald nods his head at Ishin.

Archibald says, "So wait with the nakedness. Indeed."

Teani nearly chokes as Ishin steps closer, then gives Ishin a rather rude shove with her elbow. At the same time, her cheeks start turning a very deep color.

Sollace smirks at you.

Archibald ponders Sollace's profile, deep in consideration.

Sollace says to Archibald, "No."

Archibald says to Sollace, "You're very pretty and your pants does not make you look fat at all."

Aren smiles and says, "Nakedness."

Aren bursts out laughing.

Aniko coughs softly.

Teani clasps her hand tightly over her mouth, but collapses in a heap of laughter anyway.

Leaning lightly against you, Ishin says to Archibald, "That's my daughter you're hitting on, man."

Archibald stares at Ishin and blinks.

Sollace says, "And you are doing very poorly."

Archibald exclaims, "I am so sorry!"

Archibald says to Sollace, "I.. I am still training. I didn't mean to offend you, madam."

Archibald points accusingly at Ishin.

Archibald says, "He told me to not call anyone fat!"

Aniko says, "I'm... going somewhere else...."

Sollace turns to Ishin "You are training him?"

Sollace peers at Archibald suspiciously.

Archibald sighs, closing his book and putting it away in his pack. "I have a long way to go."

Sollace crosses her arms and smirks "I can tell."

Aren pats Archibald in a friendly manner.

Aren says to Archibald, "You'll get better."

Teani eventually manages to pull herself together somewhat, looking at Archibald. "I think, perhaps, that he might not be your best tutor." She is clearly still trying to hold back a bubbling laugh. "Just... don't go about it so clinically in the future, and mind who you try to woo."

Archibald murmurs something softly to Aren.

Sollace smirks.

Aren murmurs something softly to Archibald.

Ishin gives Sollace a solemn nod.

Comprehension flashes across Archibald's face.

Sollace murmurs something softly to Ishin.

(Tells): Sollace tells you, "I think I barfed in my mouth a little bit."

Archibald looks over at you, fingers wringing the cloth. "He's the only one I have who's offered to answer questions. I wouldn't know who else to ask."

Teani takes a moment to tilt her head back and look at the gates. After a deep breath to compose herself, she says, "Yes, just see if you can perhaps find another source. You know... several references will make dor a deeper understanding of something. Proper research methods and all?"

Ishin murmurs to you, "Proper research indeed."

Archibald frowns, glancing at his pack. "I was thinking about writing up a questionair..."

Toz arrives from the north.

Teani shifts her eyes to Ishin, peering at him as her cheeks blush slightly, then she turns back to Archibald. "At least one more reference than Ishin would be good."

Archibald glances from you to Ishin, then back again. "He must be good..."

"Well I guess I will let you have fun with this Ol'Wolf" Sollace says as she nods to the little imp. Then smiles to the rest "Have fun holding up the gate you lot".

Sollace gives you a tight hug.

Archibald smiles at Sollace.

Teani shoots Toz a warm smile as she notices him, moving away from Ishin to stand at his side instead.

Sollace smirks at you.

Toz leans over and bumps his shoulder against your as you moves towards him. "Doing well?" he asks.

"I'm doing fine." Teani responds to Toz before turning to shrugs a shoulder at Archibald. "I wouldn't know, to be honest."

Archibald points a finger between Ishin and you, narrowing his eyes. "You were blushing just then though, after looking at him. Is it his physical appeal?" he asks, reaching for his book again.

Aren sucks thoughtfully on his teeth.

Aniko peers about herself suspiciously.

Archibald chews thoughtfully on his lip.

Teani shakes her head at Archibald, struggling with a reply. "It's... I... more of a... I don't know. He's a freaking tease and he knows it." She grumbles a little, crossing her arms. "Plus, I apparently have a huge issue with controlling my blushing."

Ishin bares his teeth in a feral grin.

Archibald regards you for a few moments, before making a note. "A tease? How do you mean? In what way?"

Teani gets something of a look of despair, shifting her eyes between those present as if looking for an escape.

Crossing his arms over his chest with a rather superior look on his face, Ishin says to you, "Don't be shy. Help the man out."

Archibald nods his head at Ishin.

(Tells): You tell Toz, "... help me?"

Archibald says to you, "I need to know these things! Obviously, being a tease is a good thing or you wouldn't react like that. I need to learn what makes you react like that."

(Tells): Toz tells you, "Help you? I'm enjoying the show!"

Aniko says, "If there was a guide to women, every heterosexual man would likely own it Archibald... there isn't so you just pretty much have to make educated guesses at what you should do."

Toz seems to be barely hiding a grin himself, leaving you very much to the metaphorical wolves as his hands go to slide into the pockets of a Carnifex's side-buttoning black wool longcoat.

The color on Teani's cheeks darken even more and she covers her face with a palm, shaking her head. "It's complicated." she murmurs. Without looking up, she explains, "Some of us women have a bit more trouble with the, uh... nakedness thing. And er... too much forwardness."

(Tells): You tell Toz, "You're mean!"

(Tells): Toz tells you, "And you're adorable."

"So he made comments about being naked?" Archibald says, noting it in his book. "We are back at the nakedness then. It seems like that part is still very important.."

Archibald says to Ishin, "Am I right?"

Heaving a sigh, Aniko applies her face to her palm.

Lips curled up into a wicked grin, Ishin glances to you and then nods to Archibald. "More or less, yep."

Teani lets out a similar sigh, shaking her head as she glances at Aniko. "It's more to it than that. It's... how it's said and what is implied."

You say to Aniko, "Right?"

"What was said this time and what did it imply?" Archibald asks you, his face the epitome of seriousness.

Aniko shrugs, "Why are you looking at me? I don't want a relationship and have yet to hear something to make me think otherwise."

Teani wrinkles her nose as she seems to get no help from Aniko, then turns to Archibald. "It was... ah... well, in this case, um... it was more him knowing I would get uncomfortable about the remarks on nakedness, stepping closer and adding to that discomfort because of, um... previous attraction."

Archibald frowns, scribbling again. "So there's been a previous attraction? What was it then? His good looks? His wits? A combination? Or was it something completely different?"

Ishin tilts his head and listens intently to you.

Teani lets out another deep sigh, dropping her head to look down at the ground. The blush is now spread across all her features and she closes her eyes to shake her head, hiding the face partly behind a curtain of white hair. "Combination and some more, I guess." she murmurs finally, then looks up at Archibald with a piercing gaze. "If you ask for details I will mutate to my wolf form and shred you to pieces though. It's not something I will discuss in front of people, especially not him."

Aniko's eyes sparkle with amusement.

Archibald taps the quill against his chin, eyes narrowing as he regards you. "Very well. I will ask at another point, madam. I will learn the secrets though.."

Ishin's eyes sparkle with amusement as he gazes upon Archibald.

Teani narrows her eyes glaring at everyone around her as she crosses her arms, muttering something under her breath.

Aniko looks exhausted and opens her mouth in an enormous yawn.

Toz prods you lightly with his elbow, flashing you a small grin.

Archibald puts the book away again, grasping his cane. "At least your dress doesn't make you look fat, madam. That's a good thing, right?" He smiles his widest smile at you.

Ishin utters a deep, rumbling laugh.

Aniko falls over dramatically.

Aniko signs I'll stab him for you if you want.

(Tells): Toz tells you, "I should get him to ask about me instead!"

Lips pulling into a very broad, very wicked grin, Ishin says to Archibald, "There you go. Slick, like that. Maybe not the best timing or phrasing. It doesn't make her look fat at all, does it? Much more...mm. Tantalizing, I'd say."

Teani lets out a huff, straightening her back proudly. "Of course it doesn't. I'm a good tailor and know how to make clothes that fit."

(Tells): From an unseen place, Ishin communicates to you, "Very tantalizing indeed."

Archibald says to Ishin, "Perhaps I can train on your daughter, sir? I promise that the moment I sense that she finds me irresistable, I will back of."

Aniko gives a trillingly melodic laugh.

Ishin says to Archibald, "You'll have to ask her that. She's a grown woman now."

(Tells): You tell Toz, "Oh, please... do something to get all this attention away from me. Seriously, if Ishin offers another lewd comment I'm bound to die here trying to smack him six feet under ground!"

Callidora smiles at Ishin.

Archibald ponders the situation.

Archibald says, "I should do that."

Callidora says to Ishin, "Hello you."

Toz says to Archibald, "In the meantime, I'm borrowing your previous victim."

Ishin smiles at Callidora.

Ishin leans comfortably on Callidora.

Archibald nods his head at Toz.

Archibald's mouth turns up as his face breaks into a smile.

Archibald says, "Of course, sir. Be my guest. I have tortured her enough for now."

Teani shoots Toz a grateful smile, casting one last glare at Archibald. "I'll remember this, Archie."

Archibald says to you, "My name is Archibald!"

Aniko signs I am almost positive this kid is going to get himself killed.

Archibald says, "Not Archie."

Ishin signs He may. But without trial and error, or experiments, as he would call it...no results can be derived.

Ishin says to Archibald, "It's a nickname. That's good. It indicates a fondness."

Aniko says, "Whelp... I have gold to go earn."

Aniko says, "I am so very behind."

Archibald says to Ishin, "I don't like nicknames."

Toz just shakes his head and grins, starting to wander off northwards. "Try to not eat the newcomer. Maybe get him drunk first, at least once?" he suggests.

Archibald creases his brow in a frown.

The ghost of a smile passes fleetingly across the lips of Callidora.

Grumbling, you say, "Or drown him in liquid steel."

Archibald tilts his head curiously.

Archibald says, "I've never had any alcohol before. It doesn't go well with studies."

You follow Toz to the north.

Didi

@Teani a fabulous tailor and thanks for the knowledge

Faerah

Aww. I love my trolly Syssin-folk.