Seen and Heard

Emelle

For those everyday encounters you just can't make up.

Emelle

So on Friday mornings, I go read with second graders at a local school. Seen today in the hall:

Trigru

No. NO.

Areka

Is this like, the new generation's version of "Honor" and "Chastity" and "Charity" as names? "Temperance Brennan" will become "Notorrius Smith"?

Teani

This was a few years ago, but still. Heard two teenage girls talking on a bus:

First girl: Like, you know Brandy? She is such an awesome songwriter. I mean, seriously, her texts are just so good!

Second girl: Yeah, totally! Especially that one with Ray J? Another day in paradise. The lyrics just gives me chills, she's so good!

At this point I can't hold myself back, since they are sitting just by me, so I turn to them and say: Um, sorry, but have either of you heard of Phil Collins?

Both of them shook their heads and looked utterly confused. I facepalmed.

Trager

What's Phil Collins?

Obyn

Get out.

Eleanor

At a primary school near where I'm working there's apparently a little girl called Winter, and another one called Summer. If they aren't epic nemeses, I am disappoint.

I have also known of a family with two girls named Carmen and Miranda (the mother didn't notice until after they were named). There's a family in town here with three daughters Portia, Mercedes and Capris. Nice names independently, but together...

My cousin works at a steiner school, which is where the real weird comes out. Off the top of my head, there was a girl named Krymsson Skyye, a boy named Jack (middle name Daniels) and his sister Tia (middle name Maria).

The real icing on the cake was the little boy whose given names were Dargth Vader. The g is silent, his parents were worried LucasArts might sue them.

Hadrak

I ran into someone with the name Raven (ok) Wing (ha). 

Mariena

I will chime in on weird names! Our College has: Soda Pop C. (lastname). Sandy Klaus. Sparkles Dawson... I could go on.

Seen and heard:
WorkStudy one: We got an email about an intranet being down...
WorkStudy Two: Intranet? They must have mispelled it. It's working fine...
WorkStudy One: The Intranet, you know, Banner was acting slow, I never knew it ran online.

^This whole convo was lovely.

ANOTHER ONE:
Student one (girl with boyfriend): I need to take a test.
me: I need to see your ID please, who is your instructor?

/Student gives me details, goes and locks her belongings away, I give her her test and instructions. Boyfriend is patiently waiting, and then begins to follow her back to the testing area.

me: Um, excuse me, you have to wait out here sir.

Her: Can he come in with me?

me: ..... No. It is your test. You have to take it by yourself.

Her: So he can't just sit with me while I take it?

Me: .... Cellphones aren't allowed. Your coat isn't allowed. Electronics aren't allowed on this test. A live person is definitely not alright.

Her: Okay!
Her, to her boyfriend: You go sit over there until I'm done!

And be damned if he didn't just walk right over and sit in the chairs provided.

Moirean

This happened to me my sophomore year in college, and it's still one of my more memorable wtf moments:

(commons dining hall)

Insanely Skinny Girl 1: So I'm on this NO FAT diet.

Psychotically Skinny Girl 2: What a great idea! I'm SOOOO overweight!

Disturbingly Thin Girl 1: So, like, I have to check all my foods to make sure there is no fat.

Rail Thin Girl 2: Yeah, sometimes it's tricky.

Bone Thin Girl 1: Hmm, does peanut butter have fat in it?

Super Thin Girl 2: I think so.

Twiggy Girl 1: How about french fries?

Sickly Skinny Girl 2: Yeah, those HAVE to have fat.

Skinny Minnie 1: Yeah. Hmm. What about ice?

Me (in disbelief at the caliber of the students at my school): Umm, sorry to interrupt, but ice is frozen water!

Super Skinny Girl 1: I know that, fatso, I meant when you MELT it.

(they both roll their eyes and go back to debating the merits of fat-free ice)

Gwenith

When I was in University studying I went to a bookstore to see how much a copy of "Origin of The Species" would cost to buy. I stood in the aisle with my headphones on, reading a bit as it was just outside of my price range when a 'gentleman' come up to me and started hovering like he really wanted to get my attention. I pulled my headphones out and in my most patient, waitress voice asked "Yes?"

"So uh, what are you reading there?"
Mute, I lift up the book so he can see the cover.

"Oh, That's that Darwin dude's book right? So you're a creationist?"

"No."

Toz

A friend of mine once suggested we use metal detectors on the lockers in our school, to find loose change hidden inside.

Ashmer

@Toz what's strange about that, that plan is foolproof.

So when we line up in class, the students call out the colors of the belts and line up on the colored square that corresponds. One of our female instructors went to go collect the cards...

Boy: "White, sir!"
Instructor: "I'm a ma'am."
Boy: "Ma'am, sir!"

Areka

I was at a great greek restaurant in Philly ages ago (Estia), and their bathroom stalls are these great wood paneled things, super regal. While I'm washing my hands I hear a mother and her daughter in one of the stalls - little girl sounds like she's about four.

Mother: Honey stop moving around like that, you'll fall off.
Girl: The waves are too big!
Mother: ..what waves honey, stop it, stop.
Girl: But I'm a little shipper!

Now every time I go back there and go to wash my hands all I can think of is "I'm a little shipper!"

Toz

Ashmer said:

@Toz what's strange about that, that plan is foolproof.

Yeah I mean, I bet it'd go off on like every locker!

(To which she replied, 'You think we'd find that much money!?')

Periluna

I had a customer ask if the entire Honeysuckle White brand turkey was made up of white meat.

Gwenith

We have radiation signs on our work cars if we are transporting an isotope. We had a guy come up to my partner and start spouting a tirade about how nuclear fission was an inefficient and dangerous way to run a car and he should be ashamed at the damage he's doing to the environment. My partner sorta snapped and said "If it was nuclear powered why would I be putting petrol in it? You dickhead."

Moirean

We're having my sister's bday party right now and there are a ton of adults drinking adult drinks, with a few kids scattered around playing and stuff. Everyone congregates in the kitchen in the middle of cooking dinner, and a salad is made...and my tipsy dad starts making rather hilariously lewd comments and us young adults start screaming and laughing and everyone is shouting and then...

One of the kid walks out of the kitchen, rolling her eyes, like totally in disdain of us adults, and goes, "Geeze, I dunno what all their yelling about. They are just talking about tossing salad."

Moirean

Oh god, the night continues. We're all sitting at dinner. My step-sister-in-law is named Rosemary, she can't be here at dinner because of work. My step-mom and step-sister's fiancee start talking about Thanksgiving and how they wanna have a turkey cook-off. My step-sister's fiancee starts talking about spices he wants to include: "Sage, thyme, rosemary-"

And my step-niece immediately blurts into tears, shouting, "DON'T COOK MY MOM LIKE THAT!" and runs off to hide.

I'm comforting her and stuff, but I'm also cracking the hell up.

Alissandra

Gwenith said:

We have radiation signs on our work cars if we are transporting an isotope. We had a guy come up to my partner and start spouting a tirade about how nuclear fission was an inefficient and dangerous way to run a car and he should be ashamed at the damage he's doing to the environment. My partner sorta snapped and said "If it was nuclear powered why would I be putting petrol in it? You dickhead."

I can't like enough. Not sure if it is due to the guy thinking fission is inefficient or that it was being used to fuel a car...

Trigru

This was actually a looong while back, but once, in a particularly frigid winter in south central St. Louis, I was waiting at a bus stop with a few guys my age. This haggard, sort of upset-looking man comes walking up to the stop, when one of the guys asks him a question:

"Hey man, you smoke?"

The old guy says, "Get up out my face."

"Nah man, you smoke though?"

The old guy then proceeds to bark, like a drill sergeant, "I AIN'T SMOKE. I DRINK."

He then shoves the young dude down onto the sidewalk with the force of a Dodge Ram, and stomps off in a huff.

Meyvitch

I don't see what the thing is about Carmen and Miranda. San-diego maybe

Eleanor

Hadrak

One of my coworkers at my workplace asked me if Happy Feet was based on a real-life story.



Sure. Let's roll with it.

Nola

One time I was out for sushi with my friend. We've been out to eat sushi before, and this particular restaurant funnily enough is one he now hosts at.

I had some salmon nigiri ordered and when they set it down, he asked me, 'What's the pink stuff on top of the fish?'

Emelle

Today's college-wide reply-all goof:

To: Administration, Faculty, Staff, Students
Re: Naming Ceremony

Campus community:

As you may have noticed, new signs are being constructed at [important, recently constructed building]. It’s for good reason. We’re excited to announce a donor has come forward providing a generous gift to name [building].

To mark the occasion, we will host an official naming ceremony on [date] at noon, outside the fifth-floor entrance to [building]. We ask students, staff and faculty to mark your calendars and please try to attend.

--

To: Administration, Faculty, Staff, Students
From: Associate Registrar

Did you donate money so you could name it the I.B. Phartin' Student Life Center?

--

To: Administration, Faculty, Staff, Students
From: Associate Registrar

I would like to apologize for my e-mail that I sent with the notice about the I.B. Phartin' Student Life Center. I was sending that (at least I thought so) to my husband who always says he wants to be rich and name a building by that name. It was never meant to offend anyone. As I said, he has a strange sense of humor and I thought I was teasing him. My apologies if I offended anyone. Especially to the person who is so generously donating the money.