Essay Help!

ValenaeValenae Member Posts: 595 ✭✭✭✭
edited April 2014 in OOC Chat

So, I'm trying to get into a competitive undergraduate program back home and I suck at editing my own stuff so I was wondering if I could get some feed back on this essay before I send it in the next week. 

The prompt: Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. 

Here's the issue: I didn't do so hot my freshman year (I'm a Junior) and I feel compelled to explain my accomplishments since then because this program is very, very competitive. 

I'm wondering:
-Is my essay too dry? 
-Do all of my points of analysis connect and are they in line with what is expected of a transfer essay? Are they specific enough? Can you pull them out of essay with little difficulty? 
-Are there any grammatical errors? 
-Does my personality come out enough? Do I seem personable?
-Does it sound as if I'm slamming my school?
-Is it appropriate to have a complaint regarding the community as well? 
-Should I talk about the cultural difference regarding the areas? 

"To be awkward or unkempt, to talk or move wrongly is to be a dangerous giant, a destroyer of worlds...any accurately improper move can poke through the thin sleeve of immediate reality." - Erving Goffman


  • RiluoRiluo The DoctorMember Posts: 821 ✭✭✭✭
    edited April 2014

    Are you required to add references like Harvard or APA. Conversely, are you required to cite anything at all? Is there a set of questions you must answer, or is this purely a reflective piece? Which by looking it over this appears to be?

    I ask these questions because I have my PhD in one area and an Australian Masters in Social work. Indeed, in most cases when people write to me for marking or to enter into my programs I require them to demonstrate a capacity to utilise peer review articles, reference, cite and articulate sociological theory in terms of their ideas.

    If it is asked that you send in a reflective piece, then it is fine. Although I would state accomplishments first, then follow with the hurdles you overcame to obtain them, whilst demonstrating your personal strengths and future ambitions.

    I hope this makes sense as I have taught in the US a few times and the system is very "different" to other countries in how you gain your diplomas, degrees and doctorates. For example, we do not have diplomas for Social work; instead, we are required to do four years of only Social work, Psychology and political sciences to even be registered as a generalist Social work undergraduate. If you wanted to work in a specific area as a Social worker, you would be required to do two more years for a masters in a particular area like mental health, child and youth, Australian policy or research. I had to do a double degree over two years for mental health and research after my first four-year undergrad degree.

    Due to this I can now work in social research, youth homelessness, government, and in a mental health team alongside psychiatrists and gp's.

    Post edited by Riluo on

    Abhorash says, "Ve'kahi has proved that even bastards can earn their place."

  • ValenaeValenae Member Posts: 595 ✭✭✭✭
    Hmmm, no - I don't have to cite anything in entrance essays to gain acceptance. The essay is meant to be a reflective piece. As far as I know most undergraduate entrance essays are but I could be wrong. I'm submitting mine through the common application and my word count is 650 so even if I wanted to write a piece that included a works cited page, it would be challenging.

    I didn't think about listing my accomplishments first, I should probably take another look and see how that would work out. I don't have to put a specific school since I'm applying with the common application. I'm actually applying to two schools in my home state but the programs are very similar.

    Social Work is usually considered to be just another major program so we are expected to complete major/area requirements (or our core classes in our major), general studies (Biology, Psychology etc.), and a certain amount of electives. Each class is three credits and our degree program is a total of 120 credits. I'm at 70-something. We get the opportunity to mix and match our co-requirement courses. As an example, I have taken several political science and philosophy, gender studies, and cultural studies/sociology courses because that's what I'm interested in.

    The next step after you graduate is to get licensed, though it is worth mentioning that some states don't require you to take the test. My state, however, makes you take a test after every degree level so one would have to take a test after Undergrad, Masters, and PhD. The Undergrad allows you to work in direct service or case management, your Masters allows you to work at an administrative/therapeutic  level, and the PhD license is to enable you to teach. To be honest, though, my knowledge regarding PhD level work and schooling in Social Work is rather limited as I don't expect to get my PhD.

    "To be awkward or unkempt, to talk or move wrongly is to be a dangerous giant, a destroyer of worlds...any accurately improper move can poke through the thin sleeve of immediate reality." - Erving Goffman

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