Saybre Windrayn

SaybreSaybre Member Posts: 283 ✭✭✭
Might as well start the critiques!

Been trying to be more exploratory with my vocabulary, and grammar structure in emotes. I do pride myself on being -fast- at emoting, but I might be forgoing quality in the process. Let me know! Also let me know how you think of Saybre as a character, he's changed a lot, and isn't just me (the player) in Aetolia world. <- That alone was a big step for me.

Let it commence!
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Haven

Comments

  • PhoeneciaPhoenecia The Merchant of Esterport Somewhere in AtticaMember Posts: 634 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I mentioned this before, but interacting with you is fun, and never a dull experience. Saybre as a character is surprisingly multifaceted and multi-layered, and it's been interesting seeing what lies beyond the goofy, ditzy exterior. I'm not sure if you're aware of it or not, but Saybre also has very subtle darker undertones or implications to his personality and the things he says and does at times. Some people would usually take that and bash others over the head with it for the sake of creating drama, but I love that you keep the drama very understated and brief, but ever present; it doesn't always blow up spectacularly or get explicitly addressed, but it's always there. To be more precise, sometimes it's really difficult to tell if Saybre's past experiences have caused significant emotional damage or if it's just him being naturally childish and goofy; I love that the line gets blurred, and I love that it's never been specifically addressed, but it's something that could be in the future. I also love that you're able to balance the silliness with the seriousness, and what's appropriate for a given situation.

    As far as your writing goes, you're perfectly fine. You're descriptive, but to the point - every action has a purpose, and I think you portray your characters actions and feelings extremely well without bogging it down with flowery vocabulary. You also use custom emotes where appropriate and says/premotes where appropriate, which has gotten me out of the habit of thinking that 'normal says and premotes are ew; I must use custom emotes for everything!'

    I've also noticed that you tend to incorporate things in the room descriptions or environment into your emotes, which is a really nice touch since it reminds me that there's actual scenery rather than thinking of the room as just an empty box, and it's something I'm trying to attempt with my own writing now.

    The only complaint I have is that your comma placement, especially in dialogue, is kind of weird at times, and forces me to do a double-take, but it's only really a nitpick. >.>
    Haven
  • SaybreSaybre Member Posts: 283 ✭✭✭
    Comma comma comma comma chameleeeoooon.

    Yeah, I do love me some run on sentences and wacky comma placement. Trying to fix that. ^.^
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  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,282 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Give me more gifts.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
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