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I have known someone since highschool, who pretty much all my close friends know - So ..Friday we all found out that this friend took his own life.
He was a very charismatic. Funny.. sweet person. None of us foresaw it, but at the same time, we weren't shocked. That makes me really sad..
All of it makes me really sad.
My Uncle also passed away a month prior. He has been in and out of the ICU and physical therapy for 6 months.. The final 6 months of his life, were spent in a hospital bed. We aren't having the service until after Christmas so family can attend. But he fought for his life. Now someone gives their life up. I'm a bit twisted. Regardless, more than anything, I'm still just sad..
Sunday morning, I woke up with severe pain, total nausea and I said enough, dad please take me to the ER. This first time, they gave me 2 Toradol shots and a zofran shot for the belly. This worked for maybe 2 hours. Enough to get home, go to bed, and wake up with...
You guessed it, the migraine. Which apparently was offended I tried to get rid of it, because whoo boy it doubled down on its efforts.
So after crying a bit and throwing up some more, and not being able to get hold of a nurse to ask if I could take more Imitrex considering the toradol amount in my system, back to the ER we go. It is 8pm by this point.
They give me this second time a migraine cocktail, they call it. Benadryl, a steroid, and this drug called Reglan, all in an IV with fluids. Oh okay great, I think. Benadryl will knock me out, all will be fine. NO. No fellow Aetolians, this is NOT what happened.
Apparently I react TERRIBLE to Reglan because I wanted to clime out of my skin, the need to move was so great. I was hot all over, I felt trapped and like I wanted to claw my face off. Dad, who took me, called the Nurse, helped me sit up, and pretty much was like 'you're okay, it's okay it's a reaction, you're fine'. Meanwhile I was in straight up panic land.
So, They have on staff a great guy who is also very large and very capable of subduing. He brought me a chair so I wouldn't be 'trapped' in the bed. He sat me down in it and we started breathing exercises. A whole bunch of 'look at me now, keep concentrating on me. Breathe in like you're smelling roses, pause. You have to pause, okay now blow out candles with me, blow blow.. Now keep breathing, you can't hold your breath'. Then they turned on the tv and told me to concentrate on that as well.
I sat in the chair rocking and twitching and checking IV lines because it was compulsory, I had to make sure they were okay, had to. Don't know what would happen but had to keep checking.. For about a half hour. then they brought in more Benedryl, commented that I probably shouldn't have Reglan ever again, and sent me home.
Migraine's finally licked though. So I got that goin' for me. Which is nice.
So I got out of work early today and thought to come home, refill some meds, get a haircut, pack, etc for the holidays. I find out my staff is here (Yay!) since my students baited me into breaking my old one, and I've been eager to get a new one. I live in a townhouse facility on top of a parking garage. The garage is used by townhouse residents, local business workers with passes, and is a pay garage where you can park for the day or by the hour, etc. People fly in and out of this thing at WAY faster than the 5mph speed limit. They make wide turns, park over lines, and are just generally inconsiderate. I knew I was at risk the moment I moved in.
SO, I get in, park, unpack from work, change a bit. Go and get my haircut. Feeling nice and clean, come back, watch some Youtube, Read some Cracked, etc etc. I hop in the car to go to the UPS store to pick up my staff and when I pull out I notice something in the corner of my mirror.
Some absolute ASSHOLE has gone and scratched and dented up the right front bumper and fender of my car. THE VERY SAME BUMPER AND FENDER that just got replaced in my accident. And, seeing as this happened while I was in my house, and due to the sheer amount of clientele this garage services, I have literally no idea who did it, and probably never will.
My parents and my insurance company had to pay out the ass to fix up the car after the last accident (Which, I will admit, was entirely my fault) But I have endeavored to drive as carefully and defensively as possible since that day, so it wouldn't happen again. And now someone's gone ahead and scratched up the side of my car because they park like an idiot.
It's purely aesthetic (From what I'm able to feel and see so far) so my hope is it drives fine to get me the 3 hour trip home and back for Thanksgiving, but still. I'm really, really mad.
TL:DR: Wtb a miracle pill. PM me if you're holding.
(Spinesreach): Xiuhcoatl says, "Oh man, grab the children-corn. This is gonna be good."
I dunno how it'll effect the strepthroat, but a good "home remedy" of sorts is what I call a "Virgin Hot Toddy", all you need is honey and lemon juice. Mix only about a teaspoon of lemon juice into two tablespoons of of warm (note: runny) honey. Mix well, then drink. The lemon juice subdues the coughing a bit, while the honey coats the throat and vocal chords in a way that helps ease it a bit. Add whiskey (or other alcoholic drink) if you want to, though its not what I reach to it for in regards to what I'm suggesting it for. It's one of the two things I pass around any time someone is sick. I keep ginger ale for upset stomachs, and I make this for when someone is coughing up a storm and its causing them problems.
Honey: The magical wonderfood that we've used for centuries now.
edit: I forgot to mention: I usually use purified clove honey, but that's just because it's my honey of choice, and the most easily available type I can get on the cheap. And plus, honey is one of those awesome things you can use in place of sweeteners in things like tea, or cereal, or just about anything you'd add sugar to in the first place.
Eydis, do you have Vix or Vaporub on you? Sometimes that helps ease the coughing too. There is something to do with smearing your feet and putting socks on. I don't know about that one but it's something to try. Do you have a humidifier? It might help to add some essential oils in and breathe
@Mariena: @Zarni and @Corvo have been trying to talk me into Vix lol. I might cave and buy some if it means I can get some sleep lol. I can probably deal with the smell for a little while. And I used to have a humidifier when I was a kid. I forgot all about them. I'll probably pick another one up since I remember it making a big difference.
(Spinesreach): Xiuhcoatl says, "Oh man, grab the children-corn. This is gonna be good."
no problem! I'm glad to share what I do know, and I'm someone who hates cough syrups that affect my sense of judgement, especially when I'm just dealing with a persistent cough that's hurting my throat, and I've got stuff I need to get done, heh.
Should be noted, the person wanted to call me after this.
ARRGGGG.
TMI but: My (and Dr. Google's) best guess is that the IUD + PCOS makes it so the eggs don't have anywhere to go. They hang around like whimpering exes on my ovaries. Since I have the gory stuff that comes with them bursting, maybe I'm just experiencing them burst one by one? It could also be that they're not bursting and the gory stuff is somehow from my strings digging into my...yeah. Maybe it's a combination of strings burrowing and my ovaries twisting? Loldonotwantthx.
Part 2 of my problem: My doctor is completely booked. She's the only one I feel comfortable with so the idea of going to another one gives me a lot of anxiety, especially if a guy has to look under the hood. For this much pain, I'll just deal with it and finally make the appointment.
TL;DR: Party at my place in 10ish years to celebrate my hysterectomy.
(Spinesreach): Xiuhcoatl says, "Oh man, grab the children-corn. This is gonna be good."
Unrelated, have been feeling like I'm about to pass out and-or throw up in turns all day long. Walked about halfway to the bus stop this morning (maybe six minutes) and felt overheated and like I was about to faint. Was maybe 50 degrees outside, so it's not like I was overdressed for the weather. Wish whatever the hell this is would knock it off. Especially while I'm at work. Is hard to do good customer service when you're focusing on not throwing up on things and I'm really trying to avoid calling out right now in general 'cause work is about to do its yearly exodus of 'let'sfireeveryone' and I really don't want to be on the chopping block.
Mixed with some issues from work, I'm pretty much just a ball of anger on a constant basis lately.
Hovering several feet in the air, a necromantic construct of thick ribbon gyrates chaotically.
First tattoos on kelki monsters. Then forum posts came up, now artifacts. WHO IS GIVING THESE THINGS TO MOBS.
Depression can be a real pain in the ass. Especially when you walk the line between suicide and keeping on because of your friends. Some days, its really hard to see the positive when all you feel is the negative. -shrugs-
"Taking your own life. Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everyone else. Your life is not your own."
I don't know if it will mean anything to you, but it rang true for me, and I'm usually pretty quick to dismiss anything overly sentimental.
Take care of yourself.
"The smell of dusty fur, sweet smoke, waiting and patience, a thing that time cannot kill. The moth that candles won't burn."
Went to a therapist a few years ago who ultimately determined that I'm vastly stressed out by being near my Mom. She is bipolar, has a history of alcohol abuse, has depression, and so forth. She has alienated most people and friends from her life because she would generally call them on drunken tirades in the middle of the night, blaming them for things that never happened or faults in her life. Her sister is emotionally abusive to my Mom, and they take my Aunt's side over my Mom's side, so she's estranged from them. My brother has nothing to do with her because he's fairly callous and doesn't have anything to do with anyone unless they conform to his perceptions of what's acceptable. I'm the only exception to this rule because he's otherwise cut everyone else out on his side of the family.
So, I've been wracked obscenely by guilt lately. I generally keep my Mom at arm's length, sometimes only seeing her two or three times a year for a visit. Primarily because it's not healthy for me. However, I'm the only one that still makes a modicum of effort to be there for her, despite how turbulent she can be. I'm getting more and more guilty as she gets older and I see her attempt to reach out more on social media, just wanting to talk to me because she doesn't really have anyone else. I can see her making attempts to try to make amends, but I can't trust her and so I try to keep her at arm's length. A part of me knows that she won't always be around forever, and this is certainly more true as she gets older, but to say that she stresses me out would be a vast understatement. I've just been so utterly wracked by guilt from all of this and I don't have the heart to tell her the truth, primarily because I'm all she has left. So I try to tough it out, support her where and how I can, and be a loving son.
Unfortunately, these instances and previous family drama have made me reluctantly to be close to my family on a whole. Visiting anyone outside of my father generally causes me to be anxious and makes me just want to run for the door to go home. However, this doesn't really help the guilt that I feel afterwards. Hard not to feel so utterly torn between what's healthy for me and trying to be there for my family, especially my Mom.
Don't give up, but make the conditions healthy for you both. Talk regularly, weekly if you can stomach it, bi-weekly, monthly - but don't wait longer than that. Be honest, but kind in your honestly. Swallow your temper when you know you can't hold, say quick goodbyes when things don't work. If you care this much, you love her and let her know. Even if the situation is hard to say, maybe just in goodbye. Talk about the boring daily stuff, create a few taboo topics that always go poorly and don't touch them when you can and let her know you don't want to talk about them. If she knows you want a relationship and to have one with you will require some change, she'll get it eventually. These are some of the coping measures I've come up with.
From someone who lost this chance with another parent, the regret will always beat out your guilt or anger. Don't wait. Even a text message can be baby steps towards healthy communication. But, don't forget to be honest all the time and kind, positive and kind. Then, when you're in direct contact, cut yourself off from her. Ignore the social media, the calls, the texts like little vacations. I moved far enough away from mine to make this possible but close enough that I could visit in a day (a few hours drive).
You're not alone and if you need to talk, just hit me up.
But on real notes, that sucks dude