Comedy Hour with Omei

LaitLait OhioMember Posts: 90 ✭✭✭
edited July 2016 in Roleplay Logs
(Disclaimer: None of the jokes were my own doing. They were all horribly plagiarized from the Internet.)

You say, "Hey! You three want to hear a joke?"

You beam broadly.

@Rashar cautiously peeks up at you.

@Jami arrives from the north.

You say to Jami, "Hey, you! I'm about to tell a joke."

You say, "A Rajamalan and an Imp are walking through the Itzatl Rainforest, when they come upon a
magic lamp."

You say, "The Imp rubs it, and a genie comes out, saying, "Since you have freed me, I will grant you
three wishes.""

You say, "The Rajamalan says, "Well, for my first wish, I wish that all the Rajamala in Saluria were
female." And the genie says, "It is done.""

You say, "The Imp says, "I want a new cloak." And he gets a new cloak."

You say, "The Rajamalan laughs at the Imp and says, "I wish that all of the Rajamala in the
Rainforest were female." And the genie makes it so."

You say, "The Imp says, "I wish I had a new horse." And the genie gives him a new horse."

You say, "The Rajamalan laughs again. "Imp, your wishes are so stupid and foolish! You should be
more like me. I wish that all of the Rajamala in Sapience were female." And the genie makes it so."

@Nola gives you an uncertain look, trying to follow the joke.. is it a joke?

@Serrice listens attentively.

You say, "As the Rajamala is walking away, satisfied, undoubtedly to find one of the uncountable
female Rajamala. And the Imp says, "I wish that Rajamala was gay.""

Rashar flops over even more. It mostly involves him rolling over.

You have emoted: Lait flashes every one of you a stupid grin.

@Omei stares blankly at the assembled crowd, head cocked curiously to the side as She regards those
gathered. It's not entirely certain when exactly She appeared, though it is indeed quite clear that
the joke passed Her right over.

You have emoted: Lait looks over the lot of you -- and then to Omei. She jumps with a start. "Whah --
ah -- when did You get here?"

Rashar opens one eye and glances up at Omei. Slowly, the Idreth works his way to his feet and nods
his head. "Lady," greets the man.

"Your joke ran off a crazy woman and brought a Divine." Jami says, her eyes steadily shifting
towards Omei, "It is either a great joke, or damned terrible.

You have emoted: Lait pokes her index fingers together, stammering. "Uhm -- uhhh -- well, it's funny
because the Rajamala wished all the other Rajamala in Sapience were female, and the Imp's last wish
turned him gay."

You have emoted: Lait shrinks in Omei's presence. She glances askance, fidgeting uncomfortably.

Had Omei even noticed Rashar, She certainly doesn't show it. Her attention is left laying upon you
with quite the quizzical peer leveled in you direction. She is quite for a few long, drawn-out
moments. Finally, out of nowhere, Her lips quirk at the corners as a low chuckle begins to make its
way through Her lips. "CLEVER!" She drawls with a hearty clap to your back as She nods in approval.

You have emoted: Lait tumbles face-forward onto the ground at Omei's smack, completely not expecting
it, and she picks herself up after a moment. She brushes off her coat. "I'm -- um -- I'm glad You
approve," she huffs meekly.

"Approve?" Omei regards with another chuckle, before suddenly any amusement upon Her face is gone in
the blink of an eye. She takes an imposing step closer towards you, the tattoos that encircle Her
form whispering hushed prayers that barely touch your ears. "Do you think I am AMUSED?" She
questions, tone growing deeper as She takes another step forward and Her fingers ball into fists at
Her sides.

You have emoted: Lait stumbles backwards at Omei's advance and falls on her rump, scrambling
backward and away from the God's apparent wrath. "Aahh -- I'm -- I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend
You -- it was just -- a joke -- in jest -- I -- I ---".

Nola clears her throat again, louder this time, asking as an attempt to draw the Beast Queen's
attention, "So.. Goddess, what were You, then?"

"A JOKE!?" Omei roars as She leans over your prone form, violet eyes ablaze in a frenzied glow. She
pulls back a hand as if to strike and holds it there for a few precarious moments that seem to feel
like hours on their own... and then She cracks, the grin once more finding its way onto Her lips. "I
jest, child," She remarks as She glances over Her shoulder towards the crowd. "You lot came here for
a joke, didn't you? Did you see her face? Now -that- was worth your time." The hand that was only
moments ago leveled in quite the aggressive position extends instead downwards in a display of
assistance as She reaches for your hand.

You have emoted: "My Lady -- The Nightmare -- please forgive me, I meant no -- I -- please don't
kill me -- I --" Lait is on the verge of tears, and holds her hands up defensively in anticipation
of attack -- then Omei reveals that Hers actions were but in jest. She huffs, sitting there for a
second, slowly processing the information, before composing herself and meekly reaching for Hers

Jami stares silently as she she watches, she finally let's out a small chuckle as the ruse is
unveiled, "Ah excellent my Lady, I do believe You've won the day here.

Rashar's lips are twitching violently, eyes creased at the edges and his arms crossed over his chest
- though he's worked his way a bit closer to you. Watching you rise without any apparent, imminent
destruction, the Idreth merely maintains his stance and bounces lightly on his toes. "Entirely
unfair, I think," he remarks.

"Dust yourself off child," Omei instructs as She offers a quick helping hand to get you once more to
you feet with an accompanying pat on the back with Her other hand. "It was a funny joke, well done,"
She remarks as She shifts to face the ensemble. "Oh come now, relax, you all look so stiff," She
points out with an exhalation of breath. "I hardly get to walk these streets anymore, it was a
harmless ruse." She clicks Her tongue against the roof of Her mouth in thoughtful consideration.
"Who else has a joke?"

@Aidriolla arrives from the north.

Nola gives Rashar a pointed, encouraging look, as if he is the champion of it present.

Aidriolla bows her head in respect, taking a place among the gathering.

Rashar considers thoughtfully for a long time. Eventually, he comes up with, "Zsadist."

Jami gives a small nod, she turns her gaze towards Rashar, giving only a grunt as he so clearly
falls short.

Nola's hand finds her face with a soft, low groan.

Eyes widening in a sudden bout of entertainment, Omei, the Nightmare says, "Ha!"

You have emoted: Lait clambers back to her feet with Omei's helping hand, then quickly dusts herself
off as suggested by the Immortal. She shuffles back towards Rashar, standing a bit behind him, very
much quieted by her near-death experience -- even if it was a joke.

Nola peaks through her fingers at Omei in seemingly disbelief.

"What do you call a group of undead in a hot spring?" Omei asks, chin jutting upwards in
anticipation of an answer.

You have emoted: Lait thinks for a moment, then perks up. "Soup!"

Rashar's eyes close, and he rocks his head back helplessly. "Doomed," he declares. "I'm doomed."

"Yes!" Omei enthuses with a quick point towards you. "This one, she gets it."

You have emoted: Lait tenses up for a moment as she's pointed at, then huffs a sight of relief, as
if having expected some Divine cataclysm to tear her asunder.

"Why is Brother Dhar the best dancer in the Pantheon?" Omei continues, Her gaze flicking from person
to person present.

Nola's hand just more firmly attaches to her face, pulling at her sink as it sinks past her jaw,
falling limp.

You have emoted: Lait opens her mouth as if to speak, but pauses. She tries to come up with an
answer, but fails, and shakes her head.

With a quick slap of Her knee, Omei, the Nightmare says, "He's got the most SOUL!"

Rashar falls over again. Even more dead than last time.

Aidriolla listens attentively, the sight of the nightmare almost makes her draw back involuntarily,
but she continues to gaze curiously, gaze lowered in respect.

Throwing up her hands, Nola says, "I'm done here."

You have emoted: Lait can't help but blurt out a stupid giggle and she covers her mouth with black-
painted nails.

Omei is clearly on a roll now, or at the very least enjoying Herself as She weaves Her way through
the crowd. "Why should you never buy from an undead merchant?" She next asks, brow arched as She
studies the faces of those present.

Jami glances over Rashar, she kicks him quickly in the stomach as her hands come together, giving
applause to Omei.

Rashar begins crawling away, inching his way ridiculously down the cobbled streets in some vain
attempt to escape.

You have emoted: Lait shakes her head again. "I -- I don't know," she stammers out.

Aidriolla speaks up tentatively, "Their wares are as doomed as they are?"

By the look of her face, Nola is intently considering this one.

Nola says, "They're rotten."

"Because they charge an arm and a leg!" Omei remarks as She pivots on a heel to wrap an arm around
Rashar's neck, catching him just before he can dutifully escape.

You have emoted: Lait pauses for a second, then blurts out in unrestrained laughter. "Ahahaha! Oh my
Gods! That's brilliant! Hey, wait, I have one!"

Rashar looks like nothing so much as a very large, very adult toddler trapped beneath the merciless
grasp of a parent. "Help," he croaks, looking to the guards.

Nola heaves a heavy sigh, muttering under her breath, "I was never good at this.."

Nola gives Rashar an unimpressed look, glancing between him and the guards, not looking like much
help herself as she folds her arms over her chest.

You say, "So a man walks into a tavern with a tall Atav in tow. He asks the bartender for an ale."

You have emoted: Lait grins wide as she begins her joke, though she keeps her lambent, silvery gaze
away from Omei's.

"Go on, go on," Omei enthuses to you with an encouraging wave of the hand not currently holding
Rashar firmly in place. That very same hand offers a different, more dismissive gesture to the guard
nearby. "He's quite fine, really, promise," She quips to the guard.

You say, "The bartender says, "That'll be two hundred and seventy three gold." The man reaches into
his pocket and produces exactly two hundred and seventy three gold, which he gives to the bartender.

You say, "So the bartender asks, "What's with the Atav, anyway?""

You say, "The man says, "Well, I prayed to Varian one day, and He decided to grant me two wishes.""

You say, ""The first was that I could have the exact amount of gold for anything I bought," he says.
"The second wish was for a chick with long legs.""

Aidriolla gives a trillingly melodic laugh.

You have emoted: Lait grins like an idiot as she concludes her joke.

"Aha, because Atav are relatively bird-like," Omei explains to Rashar with an encouraging shake of
his shoulder.

"Aha," Rashar agrees, rolling up onto one shoulder and glancing back at you. He flashes you an
encouraging, lopsided grin and nods. "Aha. Big bird, right." Glancing up to the Goddess above him,
he slowly begins to pick himself up off the street and brush himself off.

As an added aside, you say, "I guess you could say that joke was a little... hawkward."

Melantha arrives from the ether.

Jami opens her mouth slightly, her gaze weighing heavily on you.

You have emoted: Lait can barely contain her idiotic smile.

With a knowing wink, Omei, the Nightmare says to you, "Fowl joke, that one."

Tapping the top of Rashar's head, Omei, the Nightmare says, "Surprised that one didn't fly right
over this one's head."

Rashar's eyes shut, squeezing that way for a few moments before opening once more. He blinks rapidly,
shaking himself as if from a dream. "Eh," he retorts. "I never pretended to be the brightest feller

You have emoted: Lait pulls a wave-embossed silver flask with traces of Feller whiskey free from her
coat, uncaps it, and takes a swig, immediately after Rashar's words. "He said it," she says.

@Shachalai enters from the south, riding a donkey clad in Mhun barding.

You say to Omei, "Honestly, my Lady? I didn't even prepare that joke. I just... winged it."

You have emoted: Lait grins as Shachalai approaches. "We're telling jokes!"

Pausing only to bow in deference to Omei, Shachalai straightens back up: "Jokes? I have some of

Omei, the Nightmare says to you, "No wonder the Beacon's brightest are flocking to you."

"Let them be spoken then," Omei encourages Shachalai with a quick nod. "It is a time of laughter and

Melantha blinks again, bemusedly, a tentative smile tugging at her lips as she listens.

You say to Omei, "Ehehe! I don't do well in crowds. Sometimes I'm a little chicken."

Rashar suddenly rips away from Omei's grasp, spinning slightly and glaring at Her. "He is not,"
hisses the man vehemently, but then collects himself. Reaching up, he drags one large hand roughly
through the tangled curls of his hair and glances around, as if realizing that his words were spoken

"So two Mhun," Shachalai offers, one hand outstretched, "They've just escaped Moghedu, and this-
this is a very long time ago, understand?" She taps her staff against the ground. "So they are
fleeing slaughter. These two men, they only just narrowly missed being killed by a hunter. So by and
by they reach Duiran, and they are powerfully hungry, powerfully thirsty, but they know that Duiran,
of course, Duiran will provide them with what they need should they join. So one of the Mhun goes
into Duiran to join, and the other sits out there, in the woods, and he just waits... and he waits...
and he waits."

Omei levels a peer in Rashar's direction, brow quirking as She seems to study him for a moment. She
turns Her attention then back to Shachalai.

One hand moving vaguely through the air, Shachalai says, "After some time, the other Mhun comes back,
and he has in his hands a dhurive and he's wearing chain mail. So the first Mhun goes up to him, and
he says, 'So, how did it go? Did you get the food and water?'"

With a final gesture and a wry smile, Shachalai says, "And the second Mhun says, 'Wait. Why aren't
you in Moghedu. Don't we hunt you?'"

You have emoted: Lait raises a finger and opens her mouth as if to speak, but words fail her. Her
finger curls in mid air. After a moment's pause, she pipes up with a squeak. "I -- I don't get it."

For a moment it appears as if Omei mirrors your exact reaction, movement for movement before finally
She offers a slow nod. "Alright, okay, yes, good one!" She remarks.

Shachalai's gaze travels aside. She gives a small, but noticeable grimace, and falls silent, nodding
in return.

"You tried!" Omei offers by means of a verbal consolation prize of sorts as Her shoulders lift into
a shrug in Shachalai's direction.

Seemingly separated from the light-hearted conversation being held, Rashar takes a few slow steps
backward, glancing around with a look that hovers between irritated and pained. "unicorns unicorns," he
breathes, dropping his head into his hand and wandering back into the city.

Omei's form disappears amidst the crowd, leaving naught behind where She once stood.
Art by @Phoenecia! Full image available here!


  • EllianaElliana Member Posts: 49 ✭✭✭
    Oh this made me giggle, a lot! I really like how involved the divine seem to be. I really look forward to Elli's chance at meeting Omei if ever able! I loved the humor and admittedly have been grinning like an idiot
    I am not a morning inside four walls. I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests at night when no one else is alive or awake. I live in my own flames sometimes burning too bright -too wild to make things last and so I run. Far and wide until my bones ache and lungs burn..and it feels good.
    Do you hear that?
    It feels good, it feels good because I am both the slave and the ruler of my own body and I wish to do with it exactly as I please
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,365 ✭✭✭✭✭
    This was a cool read, getting to see the cheesier side of a notoriously zealous Enorian.

    Kind of reminds me of the time Haven, Nola, Benedicto and I think Phoenecia were hanging out in Delos. Might've been that Moirean arc but I'm not sure.

    Anyway, this was a fun short read.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
  • EmelleEmelle Dreamshaper Tecpatl's CradleMember Posts: 712 ✭✭✭✭✭
  • EllianaElliana Member Posts: 49 ✭✭✭
    @Emelle I am a good sport! I honestly would probably be beside myself haha
    I am not a morning inside four walls. I am the hurricane setting fire to the forests at night when no one else is alive or awake. I live in my own flames sometimes burning too bright -too wild to make things last and so I run. Far and wide until my bones ache and lungs burn..and it feels good.
    Do you hear that?
    It feels good, it feels good because I am both the slave and the ruler of my own body and I wish to do with it exactly as I please
  • SeirSeir Seein' All the Things Getting high off your emotionMember Posts: 992 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited October 2016
    Edit: Apparently the forums are being screwy with me. Usually, the only one grinning during an interaction with Omei is Omei Herself. The rest of us are screaming as to why Omei is spouting limericks about ham sandwiches while ripping out our eyes.
  • AishiaAishia Queen Bee Member Posts: 2,271 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Huh Omei usually seems pretty normal to me.
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