Tonight was a bittersweet night. I got to get out of the house by myself to go to an auction, but was for my mom's estate. The reason I am putting this in the love section, however, was the entire night bringing back so many great memories from when I was younger. I felt poetic for the first time in years, though all I could keep thinking to myself is 'you can't go writing that out, you'll only make more harm than good'. That brought back the feelings of bitter I've held against my siblings starting in 2001, made me think hard on everything I've held back because I didn't want them to know just how hurt and frustrated I had been with them vs my parents.
So, I've settled that it is time to see a therapist. No just medicating, which is nice, but actual working through my bitterness to see if I can be better than my parents. It feels really good right now, even if it may just be mostly tiredness, to know that I may find peace with it in coming months.