Pimp My Description!

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  • SetneSetne The Grand Tyrant
    Opinioms?:
    He is an athletic Human, possessing a body type more suited to speed than strength. Short and lean, his body seems to be constantly coiled, ready to move in an instant. Dark caramel skin is marred by a pale scar running across the back of his right hand. A wide nose sits proudly between two dark brown eyes and a hard set mouth, seemingly stuck in transition between a scowl and a smirk. Cropped black hair, practically stubble, adorns his head, cut to a length as to remove any possible unncessary hinderances. The clean shaven nature of his face gives him a boyish look, a stark contrast to the hard set look in his eyes.

    Ingram said:
    "Oh my arms are suddenly lubed"
  • Let's give this a shot! Hold no punches, accept no substitutes, row row fight the powah.

    Up first, our regular description.

    [spoiler]He is an undead muscular Imp and stands at only two or three inches short of four feet. His small frame is particularly muscular, resembling a nearly grown dwarf in stoutness. Pale skin tinged with teal is stretched taut over his small yet stocky frame. His hair is a darkened auburn in colour and is cut short, save for two long braids--one on each side of his face--which reach down to about his chin. Rising out of his temples are a set of horns which attempt to curl back upon themselves in a manner reminiscent of a pubsecent goat. His nose and chin are both long and sharp, which would lend him a somewhat severe countenance if not for his somewhat rounded cheeks, painted red in mimicry of those who are still-living. Jutting forth from jagged and deep scars atop his shoulder blades are two bony nodules, which twitch and quiver in an unsettling fashion.[/spoiler]

    Up next, our Earthenform description.

    [spoiler]He is an undead muscular Earthen and towers above most mortals at an approximate nine feet in height. His body is formed by a variety of igneous stone, his colour a patchwork of varying shades of grey and black. Dried red clay is fashioned into pauldrons, couters, and greaves, wicked obsidian spikes jutting forth from each piece. Two majestic obsidian horns rise forth from his forehead, each curling backwards and spiraling in a corkscrew fashion. His face can only be described as severe, the stones comprising his nose and chin appearing long and keenly sharpened. A dull red glow in his cheeks hints at roiling magma contained within this giant's hulking form. Protruding from deep crags in his back, two hollow ivory spikes continually flood the ground at his feet with sand and searing hot shards of slag before being mysteriously re-absorbed into his body.[/spoiler]


  • edited November 2013
    I'd like a critique on my description, and on my new angel...

    Macian:

    He is a dexterous Yeleni resembling a Grook. Macian is short and broadly built, with sturdy arms and legs. His skin is a mottled greenish brown, and its smooth not-quite-slimy texture marks him as an amphibian. He is entirely without hair, and small gills can be seen on the sides of his long neck. His eyes, set widely apart in a broad face with high cheek-bones, are completely black. They appear to possess multiple lids. A slightly crooked nose, clearly broken many times, sits above a wide mouth filled with small, sharp teeth. 

    Angel - goal here is to make her having a hard time with Duiran, but adapting. Didn't want to go "Fey" but certainly wanted to make her more of a Duiranite angel.

    A little over a foot in height, this tiny angel looks rather worse for wear. She is clad in a tattered suit of rust-spotted splintmail, repaired many times with lengths of vine and slivers of hardwood. A tiny mace hangs at her side, dangling from a rope belt. Her wings are ragged, but appear fully functional. They move in a blur as they keep her aloft, and emit a faint green glow. Her size and rapid movement prevent you from making out any further details.

    Thanks!
    Emelle
  • TeaniTeani Shadow Mistress Sweden
    edited November 2013
    @Macian: Absolutely love the angel. She does look like she is struggling. As for your own desc, I'd merge the two sentences about the eyes and lids ", are completely black and appear to possess multiple lids." Might be personal preference, but I think it flows more smoothly like that.



    Emelle
  • edited December 2013
    Okay - for those that don't already know... I play Rhine. Most people do know and I'm tired of switching back and forth between forum accounts. Rhine recently ascended and @Piper had given me the idea to make her sparkly because her name... Rhine. Rhinestones. Idk. I liked the idea sooooo

    [spoiler]She is an adaptive Azudim with Human-like qualities and is tall, standing over six feet tall. Her slender frame is wiry, allowing for lithe, graceful movements. Covering her arms, legs, and all visible parts of her torso are small diamond like jewels that seem to have been imbedded deep into her skin. The covering seems to stop nearing her face, her long neck having less jewels than her chest. Wavy, auburn hair falls in gentle waves to the middle of her back, streaks of silver shining within the red locks. Slightly tapered ears poke out beneath that mess she calls her hair. Her eyes are a clear amber hue, slotted and with a starburst of gray around the pupil. Dotting the inside corners of her eyes are small golden  flecks, whereas the outside edges have three small diamonds in an upwards diagonal line. Sharp cheekbones, a petite nose and red lips grace her flawless features.
    [/spoiler]
    Piper
  • AngweAngwe I'm the dog that ate yr birthday cake Bedford, VA
    edited June 2014
    It's that time again! Angwe got depowered!
    He is an athletic Yeleni who bears a form similar to the fauns of the Ancient Heartwood. Supple musculature covers a lithe frame bearing long arms covered from the elbow down with a rapidly shedding pelt of brown fur, healthy skin of a dark kawhe color showing underneath. He carries his weight upon rear-jointed bovine legs, the flesh beneath hidden by a pelt long and shaggy enough to cover cloven feet; the sharp claws that once complimented them now broken, replaced by normal human nails on some digits. Among a few features shared with the Heartwood fauns are the pronounced ridge running throughout his nasal cavity (which only adds to the gauntness of his face), the goat-like ears that sprout from the sides of his head and hardened, inflexible looking skin that now peels away in several spots, revealing an intricate pattern of lines and dots resembling runic script tattooed just under his left socket, the blueish white ink a contrast to his natural dark hues. A smooth, bald pate has replaced the tangled snarl of mossy dreads that once capped the Yeleni's head, a few chunks of bark still clinging to his flesh. The faint green glow that glimmers from deep within the caverns where his eyes should be finishes off this otherworldly picture and a glass-eyed filter mask hangs from his belt.
    EDIT: While I'm at it:
    Item: 202360
    This item is not submitted.
    ---- PROPOSED CHANGES -----------------------------------------------------
    ----
    Weapon type : dhurive
    Proposed appearance: a charm-bound dhurive of aberrant claws
    Proposed dropped : The ebony wood of a hideously bladed dhurive gleams on the ground here.
    Proposed examined : The wooden shaft of this dhurive has been painstakingly shaped from the branches of a blackwood tree from the depths of the Dun Valley, known as one of the hardest woods in the world. Bucking convention, each end of the handle has been squared, providing a sturdy mount for the scythe-like 'blades'. Hewn from the body of a corrupted aberration, each claw has been inserted into a deep notch in the wood and secured with what appears to be braided hair, along with small religious charms of bone and glass. Describing eight figures in all, each charm depicts a different animal in obsessive detail: spider, cougar, serpent, wyvern, bear, raven, wolf and tortoise. About three feet long, the rich ebony appearance of the wood is interrupted in the middle by a grip of cured leather, stained ruddy with blood.
    I feel like the appearance and dropped descriptions are a bit... weak. Anyone have better suggestions?
    image
  • I don't understand how he got depowered, ANgwe, looks as normal.

    On second look, less hair. What happened to his hair?
    imageimage "Little pig, little pig, let me in, let me in. You look tasty and smell like bacon." *LICKLICKLICK*
  • SerriceSerrice the Black Fox
    He's like Samson. His power comes from an oath never to cut his hair.
     
    OmeiTrager
  • AngweAngwe I'm the dog that ate yr birthday cake Bedford, VA
    He lost his mossy hair, the bark-like exoskin is peeling off and his overall essence pool is decreased, hence a quiet blinking light in his sockets rather than the blazing fog he had before. The aspects of his body that he gained when he became a Yeleni are fading away because he expelled his essence in an attack on the portal in the Moor. Basically, he's turning back into a human.
    image
  • AngweAngwe I'm the dog that ate yr birthday cake Bedford, VA
    Also, the Samson thing.

    image
    EmelleElie
  • IngramIngram Alaska
    I've had this description for... years, probably. Anyone who spruces it up, I owe you. Go nuts.

    He is a typical Human and an overall slim individual. Standing just over six feet, he poses a clean-cut and neat appearance. His countenance is paled, drawn with two calm, mahogany eyes that rest above a commonplace nose, and his narrowed face ends in a wide mouth with a long jaw. Combed neatly back and parted to the right, his medium-cut hair is almost meticulously cared for, and colored brown as his eyes. His skin is absent of any tan, and he generally holds himself with a polite and proper demeanor. A half-severed ear on the left side of his head distracts from the general picture of his visage, and a deep, slender scar travels from the top of his hand to the palm.
  • AishiaAishia Queen Bee
    edited June 2014
    Here u go @Ingram
    He is a typical human and looks worn by a life of corruption and ill use. Standing just over six feet, he smells faintly of rust. His skin is pale and lumpy like curdled milk, with eyes like chicken giblets, and a squashed nose fit for a hog. His square jaw hides rows of yellowed, crooked teeth behind thin worm-like lips. Greasy dog-brown hair is matted and roughly shorn, unkempt bangs concealing a line of pimped skin atop his scalp. His left ear seems to be been torn off, and he has a nasty scar on one of his hands for some reason.
    SerriceSampHavenEmelle
  • AngweAngwe I'm the dog that ate yr birthday cake Bedford, VA
    image
    image
    EmelleHavenAshmerTrager
  • edited June 2014
    Aishia said:

    Here u go @Ingram...

    Too perfect @Aishia! Speaking of maggoty li'l critters and their descriptions:

    Orf is going to become an imp again because she is none to pleased with her boring dwarf brain. Here's my thoughts:

    Current Orfeo
    She is an undead typical Dwarf of a frayed quality, half a head over four feet,
    and an exemplification of the stout and capable nature of her people. Orfeo's
    features are exaggerated and practical: birthing hips and brawny shoulders, a
    small chest and long hands, wide feet and a dun-colored crop haircut. Her thick
    musculature is obscured by a healthy, insulating layer of fat which rounds her
    cheeks and arms. Well-sooted and ruddy, her face is as dirty as her fingernails
    with thin, grey eyebrows; a small, broad-tipped nose; and a pronounced chin and
    jawbone.

    EDIT: Got rid of some redundancy about how dirty she is:
    Born-again Imp Orfeo
    She is an undead stalwart Imp as foul-smelling as she is wretched. A full head
    under average, her gnarled and gunk-filled ears extend her height by half a foot.
    Her body is exaggerated but practical: birthing hips and strong shoulders, a
    small chest and long hands, a protective layer of fat and wide feet to hold her
    upright, with her vestigial wings and horns cut closely to the flesh. Orfeo's
    skin is a pallid, dried-blood hue, showing its use through myriad scars and a
    generous coating of grime and filth. Her face is as dirty as her chipped
    fingernails with wide-set jaundiced eyes; a long and pointy, crooked nose; a
    pronounced chin and jaw; with roughly hewn hair and eyebrows replaced by a few
    oozing scabs and scars.

    I mostly want to get it down from 10 to 8 lines, and I want to not use so many lists, but I don't know how to accomplish both of those! Any suggestions?
    I once killed a humgii, y'know.

    JSYK she/her pronouns!
  • Samp said:



    EDIT: Got rid of some redundancy about how dirty she is:
    Born-again Imp Orfeo
    She is an undead stalwart Imp as foul-smelling as she is wretched. A full head
    under average, her gnarled and gunk-filled ears extend her height by half a foot.
    Her body is exaggerated but practical: birthing hips and strong shoulders, a
    small chest and long hands, a protective layer of fat and wide feet to hold her
    upright, with her vestigial wings and horns cut closely to the flesh. Orfeo's
    skin is a pallid, dried-blood hue, showing its use through myriad scars and a
    generous coating of grime and filth. Her face is as dirty as her chipped
    fingernails with wide-set jaundiced eyes; a long and pointy, crooked nose; a
    pronounced chin and jaw; with roughly hewn hair and eyebrows replaced by a few
    oozing scabs and scars.

    I mostly want to get it down from 10 to 8 lines, and I want to not use so many lists, but I don't know how to accomplish both of those! Any suggestions?

    She is an undead stalwart Imp, wretched and foul-smelling. Her gnarled and gunk-filled ears extend her below-average height by half a foot. Her body is all birthing hips and strong shoulders, a small chest and long hands, padded by a layer of fat and supported by wide feet. Vestigial wings and horns barely poke free of pallid skin, the color of dried blood under a generous coating of grime and filth. Her face is as dirty as her chipped fingernails, with wide-set, jaundiced eyes, pointed, thrusting nose and jaw, hemmed by roughly hewn hair and eyebrows largely replaced by oozing scabs and scars.

    Got it down to seven lines. The one thing I'm uncomfortable with is the "pallid skin the color of dried blood" - dried blood isn't usually "pallid," and while I think I get what you're implying with that description, I'm not sure how to convey it in a succinct way.

    Overall I love the description, though. Love to see dirty, un-pretty people in Aetolia. It's always so easy to go the pretty route, and it makes me so happy to see people NOT do that.

    Samp
  • @Elie Thank you so much for the suggestions and edit!

    re: dried blood, I think you're 100% and that it's not accurate. It feels heavy handed to me too now that someone is pointing a finger at it. Saying something is pallid by describing it as something inherently oppositional :P It must go!

    Something in there is what I'm trying to describe. A little pinker than rust?
    image
    I once killed a humgii, y'know.

    JSYK she/her pronouns!
  • This is actually a thing I tried to describe at one point! I was trying to describe a character's hair, and it was that kind of pale, washed-out red. I think the phrase I used was "pale rust-red", but honestly, I don't know how to describe it in a more succinct way than that. There's gotta be a word for it! I just don't know what it is.

    Samp
  • edited June 2014
    @Elie I looked up some color charts and things, and vermillion, redwood, and terra cotta are all nearby; they are pretty subjective terms and I don't think the words actually evoke the color the charts use. Pale rust-red is pretty good and brief, and I think it does the job perfectly.

    So I took your edit, rearranged some things, and I think I'm happy. Also used docked to describe wings and horns- Carnifex'nall and I think that's a nice touch.
    She is an undead stalwart Imp, wretched and foul-smelling. Her gnarled and gunk-
    filled ears lend her below-average height half a foot. With a generous coating
    of grime and filth, her body is practicality: birthing hips and strong shoulders,
    a small chest and long hands, padded by a layer of fat and supported by wide
    feet. Vestigial wings and horns are docked close to her rusty skin. Her face is
    as dirty as her chipped nails, with wide-set, jaundiced eyes; pointed, thrusting
    nose and jaw; voided by hewn hair and eyebrows now replaced by oozing scabs and
    scars. She walks with the blessing of Iosyne.
    She is wearing:
    a pair of skin tight leather pants, ending just below her paunch
    a pair of black combat boots, laces in a jumble of knots
    a pair of black fingerless combat gloves, worn on the hands
    a Postulant's insignia, pinned to the chest
    a black silk sash weaponbelt, resting on her hips
    a soldier's black support bra, bound tightly around her chest
    Love to see dirty, un-pretty people in Aetolia. It's always so easy to go the pretty route, and it makes me so happy to see people NOT do that.
    Me too! :D Orf is definitely repugnant by human (and pretty much all) standards, and I think it's a lot of fun, but she's very vain and I suspect she fancies herself a 10/10 babe. Flirting for Orfeo involves wiping a booger on your shoulder.
    I once killed a humgii, y'know.

    JSYK she/her pronouns!
    Elie
  • Can also use 'muted red' or 'tawny' to imply a hinted darkness to the red. Ashen (cliche) -could- be used to describe the texture of the red:
    "Her/His pasty skin is tinted in an ashen red etc etc"

    It often helps to examine some make-up sites to find really interesting uses for describing colors, specifically in the nail polish department since they tend to find some really creative ways to name colors. ^_^

    Samp
  • Ashen is a great word, actually - didn't think of that. That could be perfect!

    Alice
  • Bump I guess! Gwen's finally ascended and I bashed this together. Help please!

    She is a stalwart Yeleni and is about five and a half feet in height. With a slender frame and straight limbs her musculature is the delicate strength devoid of excess fat. As a result, she is far from voluptious, her chest and behind are meagre handfuls of flesh, the curve of her waist outclassing both in defining her femininity. Her face is round and soft, with pale bow lips and high cheekbones. Wide and upturned, her almond eyes are deep green of maturing foliage are easily her defining (and most striking) feature making her almost nymph-like in appearance. A handful of tiny buds sit inconspiciously in her dark-chocolate hair which stumbles in a wave past her shoulders as a swathe brushes from a side and over her forehead in a lazy fringe.

    Politics
    Piper
  • Gwenith said:

    Bump I guess! Gwen's finally ascended and I bashed this together. Help please!

    She is a stalwart Yeleni and is about five and a half feet in height. With a slender frame and straight limbs her musculature is the delicate strength devoid of excess fat. As a result, she is far from voluptious, her chest and behind are meagre handfuls of flesh, the curve of her waist outclassing both in defining her femininity. Her face is round and soft, with pale bow lips and high cheekbones. Wide and upturned, her almond eyes are deep green of maturing foliage are easily her defining (and most striking) feature making her almost nymph-like in appearance. A handful of tiny buds sit inconspiciously in her dark-chocolate hair which stumbles in a wave past her shoulders as a swathe brushes from a side and over her forehead in a lazy fringe.

    It's good! There's nothing explicitly wrong with it, just little tweaks in flow that I would make if it were me. Let's give it a swing.

    She is a stalwart Yeleni and is a bit over five feet in height. A slender frame and straight limbs support a delicate musculature, strong but devoid of excess fat. She is far from voluptuous, her hips bespeaking more femininity than either her backside or breast, but her face is rounded and soft, with high cheekbones and pale, bowed lips. Wide and frequently upturned, her almond eyes are those of nymphs, the striking green of maturing foliage. A handful of tiny buds sit inconspicuously in her dark mahogany hair, which cascades past her shoulders, one swath brushing side-to-side across her brow.


    I've tried to maintain the "woodsy" feel we're going for here by changing the "dark-chocolate" color comparison to "dark mahogany," but if the red-brown color of that wood doesn't suit you, I'd recommend choosing another type of tree for a similar comparison. It's a good description! Very restrained and delicate, for an endgamer. I like it very much.

    Trager
  • @Elie : Thank you!

    Politics
  • I've come back to Aetolia after a long 6-7 years and I'd like some help with my description. I'm a little rusty at writing them, and it seems clunky in my opinion. Thanks in advance!

    She is a hardy Tsol'aa. A thick mass of bright auburn curls frames a willful face. A long, thin scar that cuts across the right side of her lips and thick, furrowed brows give the appearance of a near permanent scowl. Heavy-lidded eyes the shade of evergreens can be seen keeping a sharp watch on her surroundings. A light spattering of freckles dust her cheeks and nose, barely visible against darkly tanned skin. The Tsol'aa is rather short, standing at a mere five foot, four inches with broad hips and toned limbs.

    "Hold my dignity, I'm about to do something sketchy."
    MoireanSakyl
  • Could you please take a look at mine and help me? English isn't my first language so I could use all the help I can get. "
    He is a typical Human. Slightly over six feet in height. His startling hazel eyes gaze out passively on their surroundings. His head is covered in short messy dark hair. His head is supported by a sturdy neck which leads to his athletic torso. His shoulders are broad and well-built, amplifying the appearance of his powerful body. Muscular pectorals and chiseled abdominals are accompanied by a pair of stalwart arms augmenting his presence but despite his imposing muscularity he conveys a sense of grace about him. " I want to portray that he is big and muscular, but to me he sounds too big. Like a proffesional bodybuilder big... Is it just me?
  • ArekaAreka Drifting in a sea of wenches' bosoms
    He is a typical Human. Slightly over six feet in height, he is well-built and broad, his musculature precise as if some statue were brought to life. His movements possess the grace of an athlete's fluid mastery over their body. His startling hazel eyes gaze out passively on their surroundings. His head is covered in short messy dark hair, which grants his startling hazel eyes an even brighter glint.
    image
    CanaanAarbrokEmelleIsande
  • Thanks Areka! That's way better!
  • He is an undead athletic Kelki and stands at five feet and seven inches in
    height. His skin is particularly rough and gritty, and is an off orange-red
    coloration, displaying several small clusters of brown spots from head to toe.
    His eyes are bulbous, and almost entirely black. His face is adorned with a mass
    of tentacles, resembling a mustache and full beard in appearance, which
    partially obscures a mouthful of rows and rows of vicious teeth. A simple fin
    sits atop his head, flanked on both sides by a row of long, thin quills. This
    peculiar feature is further mimicked along his forearms and between his shoulder
    blades.

    Anyone able to do anything for me?
    Didi
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