Haven Locke

HavenHaven World BurnerFlight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
While I am interested in what people think of my character (both good and bad), what I'm primarily interested in are critiques of my writing. I want to become a stronger writer and story teller so anything that can help me in that regard is very much appreciated.

Flame/Critique/Praise/Whatever you do best. Have at!
¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
havenbanner2
Amara
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Comments

  • SaybreSaybre Member Posts: 283 ✭✭✭
    Your emotes are always so...Novel. I think that's the best wording for it. I feel like you write them as if Aet happenings were in a book. I don't think I've ever seen anyone emote like that, and it makes you really unique. Conversely, it does make things a little weird, since the emotes seem to give away Haven's inner thoughts, and taking that as a player for a response emote can be tricky sometimes. Imagery is -awesome- though, you make a lot of allusions and similes to make your actions more descriptive, something I am quite jealous of. It is very obvious you take your time with emotes (cause we always wait) but it's typically worth the wait, except at times when you go afk without saying anything for five minutes, and your response is something like 'Haven nods.'

    All in all, love the character, he puts up with a lot of crap, and reacts like a person -would-, which I think is what throws a lot of people off. Haven gets threatened, he responds in kind, he gets punched, he gets mad and hits back. He doesn't act like he's 'above everything' which is something a -lot- of Aetolian characters act like these days. (God moding emotes are teh lame.)
    image
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Saybre said:
    Your emotes are always so...Novel. I think that's the best wording for it. I feel like you write them as if Aet happenings were in a book. I don't think I've ever seen anyone emote like that, and it makes you really unique. Conversely, it does make things a little weird, since the emotes seem to give away Haven's inner thoughts, and taking that as a player for a response emote can be tricky sometimes. Imagery is -awesome- though, you make a lot of allusions and similes to make your actions more descriptive, something I am quite jealous of. It is very obvious you take your time with emotes (cause we always wait) but it's typically worth the wait, except at times when you go afk without saying anything for five minutes, and your response is something like 'Haven nods.'

    All in all, love the character, he puts up with a lot of crap, and reacts like a person -would-, which I think is what throws a lot of people off. Haven gets threatened, he responds in kind, he gets punched, he gets mad and hits back. He doesn't act like he's 'above everything' which is something a -lot- of Aetolian characters act like these days. (God moding emotes are teh lame.)
    Funny you should mention that because Atra and I were just discussing that! Hmm, I'll try to find a balance somewhere in regards to those monologues in my emotes to give my partners something more usable.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • DaskalosDaskalos Credit Whore Extraordinare Rolling amongst piles of credits.Member, Guildmaster Posts: 1,509 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I like RP'ing with Haven, but I agree with Saybre on the hearing your personal thoughts... makes me feel weirdly omniscient, like I'm in your head. But overall, I like the Haven experience, especially considering how often he and Dask nearly come to blows.

    image

    image


    Message #17059 Sent By: Oleis           Received On: 1/03/2014/17:24
    "If it makes you feel better, just checking your artifact list threatens to crash my mudlet."

    Haven
  • IreaIrea Member Posts: 33 ✭✭
    I like how you bring in stuff from around in your emotes (so few people do!). It spurs me to do the same, to better my own writing, because I know I can. I agree with the previous speakers, thoughts should be hidden. Try to find other ways to convey what's going on inside with difference stances, body language, facial expressions.

    As for the character, the brief interactions I've had with Haven so far have been awesome. Irea thinks Haven is a complete idiot, someone who has snapped and needs to be whacked hard over the head to get back on track. She'd be more than willing to assist beating some sense into him.

    Sadly I haven't been around much lately, so I haven't been able to follow up on the threat, but I hope there's room for some more rp in the future, perhaps even a brawl!
    OrisaeHaven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Fair enough.

    I always did it because I model my emotes similarly to how a book is written. I thought it'd be cool and unique to show insight to Haven's thought process so that while those he's interacting with him might not know (or maybe they do if they're telepathic and currently mind reading him) then at least the player got insight into the character.

    I'll try and phase it out or do something different to convey the same message from now on. Thanks for the input guys!
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
    Irea
  • OrisaeOrisae Member Posts: 239 ✭✭✭✭
    edited December 2012
    Sorry, I have to leave character feedback again because that roleplay last night kind of blew me away. I haven't had a chance to explore certain aspects of Orisae because the situation never seemed to call for it, never let me spread my proverbial wings. You totally just dumped that chance into my lap and it was -awesome-.

    I think the thing that I like the most about your emotes is that you like to draw everyone into them. There's no real part to it that is dead or empty, fluff to make it longer. It all has a purpose or point to it, even if that purpose is to emphasis something that's going on by repeating it, more firmly. And I really, really appreciate that. When you throw out your storybook emotes, it makes it so much easier to get drawn in and pull out that epic quality of your own personal character that you -know- is there, you just never get a chance to explore.

    So, thank you for those opportunities and chances for me to try new things out with my own emotes. Even if they end up with Orisae smacking Haven around, screaming names at him, and being a total witchy harpy at the poor guy. 
    image
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I... think I changed my writing style up. Better?
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • DemarcusDemarcus Black Flagon InnMember Posts: 532 ✭✭✭✭
    I approve your message. Or is it this message? If it is this message, the message is: Haven is awesome.
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I'd like to apologize to those I regularly role-play with. I've just been very, very unmotivated to play Aetolia on any level of seriousness as of late... I go into these cycles every so often, so just bear with me.

    Haven will be back and kicking all active again someday soon.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • RivasRivas Member Posts: 538 mod
    1) I love Haven as a character
    2) Haven frustrates the hell out of Rivas
    3) Haven DISGUSTS Rivas
    4) I love Haven as a character


    The drama and weirdass subplots that you and your peeps come up with are sometimes -too- much, and looking in on the outside I'm often saying "hoooooly crap I'm glad I'm not involved in that...", but I find I'm really loving the quiet, one-on-one moments when we can just snarl and glare at each other from across the room (assuming I'm not distracted or falling asleep or, like the other day, paying JUST enough attention to throw out an aggressive emote, then running away like a douche).


    More Haven. Calmer would be better, cause some of your more extreme stuff, in my opinion, is almost TOO dramatic and heavyhanded...but overall I love you, you beautiful black Heezy.



    image


    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    (The Front Line): Daskalos says, "<-- artifacts."

    HavenArbreValenae
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I haven't heard that nickname in ages. Brings back good memories! I miss Devin and Nuana. :3

    I like that Rivas is one of the few Enorians that won't overlook the fact that Haven is still enemied to a ton of Lighter organizations and as such treats him in such a disdainful manner.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
    Dagan
  • ErzsebetErzsebet Member Posts: 1,096 ✭✭✭✭
    Haven, oh Haven. <3 <3 <3 I'll second (third?) Rivas's 'I love Haven as character' comment.

    Whether I'm RPing with you as your daughter, your lover, a former something or other or a random terrified novice, it's -always- interesting, (at least when you as a player don't wander off) and always fun. You're one of the people I love to RP with for multiple reasons, not only is the RP awesome and the story we usually weave together amazing, but you're one those RPers who inspires me as a player to improve my own roleplaying skills.
    imageimage
  • ValenaeValenae Member Posts: 595 ✭✭✭✭
    edited February 2013
    @Hearing your thoughts in emotes, I like that about your writing because I always took it as you playing on the social dynamic. Meaning, the thoughts you share through emotes are the ones that I would be able to tell through body language anyway. It doesn't make me feel all-knowing but more properly communicated with. I took it as you establishing a dynamic to make things feel more 'real' and engaging. At least, that's my experience As for you as a player- I love that you take risks in rp. Its not everyday that I go to stab a dagger in the wall behind a character and the player emotes that a grown man yells and throws up his hands. ^.^ You leave ego out of it and I get to see more of the rp come out. Bravo! :)
    Post edited by Valenae on


    "To be awkward or unkempt, to talk or move wrongly is to be a dangerous giant, a destroyer of worlds...any accurately improper move can poke through the thin sleeve of immediate reality." - Erving Goffman



    Erzsebet
  • EmelleEmelle the Seer Seer's WoodMember Posts: 711 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited March 2013
    I want to precede my critique by saying that I always enjoy interacting with you on the rare occasions I have the chance.  Last night's RP was interesting -- Emelle the Seer has always been one of my favorite facets of her character, and I love that Haven came to her for that -- and I'm hoping it was the beginning of an arc rather than a random one-off encounter.

    Things I like: You play Haven's character well, and consistently.  The movement from grim to volatile to defeated happens really naturally, and it's interesting to watch him struggle with different parts of himself through your writing.  Your word choice and descriptions are really vivid to the point where I as a player am actually emotionally reacting to his pain, at times.

    Things I don't like: Please take this with a grain of salt, as I seem to be among a minority in this thread and it could be entirely a personal preference.  All of the above said, I find your use of metaphor/simile to be excessive.  There are times it's really effective, but when I'm seeing multiple metaphors in every one of your emotes it loses its effectiveness and I sometimes become frustrated wishing you'd take a more direct approach.  Personally, I much prefer three actively descriptive words over a sentence's worth of embellishment, most of the time.

    More pls! <3
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Emelle said:
    I want to precede my critique by saying that I always enjoy interacting with you on the rare occasions I have the chance.  Last night's RP was interesting -- Emelle the Seer has always been one of my favorite facets of her character, and I love that Haven came to her for that -- and I'm hoping it was the beginning of an arc rather than a random one-off encounter.

    Things I like: You play Haven's character well, and consistently.  The movement from grim to volatile to defeated happens really naturally, and it's interesting to watch him struggle with different parts of himself through your writing.  Your word choice and descriptions are really vivid to the point where I as a player am actually emotionally reacting to his pain, at times.

    Things I don't like: Please take this with a grain of salt, as I seem to be among a minority in this thread and it could be entirely a personal preference.  All of the above said, I find your use of metaphor/simile to be excessive.  There are times it's really effective, but when I'm seeing multiple metaphors in every one of your emotes it loses its effectiveness and I sometimes become frustrated wishing you'd take a more direct approach.  Personally, I much prefer three actively descriptive words over a sentence's worth of embellishment, most of the time.

    More pls! <3
    I appreciate critiques like this. Often when I stop writing for long periods of time I feel myself becoming rusty and starting to forget various balances and essentially my groove. So this is something I gladly welcome as it helps me fine tune my writing and get it on track to where I'd like it to be.

    I fully intend on continuing with our arc to its completion! Currently debating how to initiate the next phase.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • NolaNola Member Posts: 668 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited April 2013
    I'm trying to think of how I want to put this.

    Our interactions are rare and few lately, but there are some things that have been fairly consistent. The main being the way you play Haven. There are things I absolutely love about it, and things that really, to me, are off-putting. A few of those things that are off-putting though: 

    - I feel like I'm in the position where I have to initiate the RP in order to get any with Haven. Today was a pleasant surprise when Haven initiated it. Because he wanted something from her position as Steward. Otherwise, we don't RP. And onto the reasons I don't initiate..
    - Because I'm not given a reason to want to at the end of most/almost all of our RP sessions. If I'm given nothing to go off of, nothing to inspire the desire/something to build upon later, then I'm not going to. How cold and rough Haven is, its almost -too- much. You give me a tease of something, but its very small, especially in comparison to the rest. 
    - This makes me feel like I'm not getting anywhere in the RP between Nola and Haven. I'd put more effort into it if I felt like there was more of a chance, but if I'm constantly left feeling somewhat disappointed and unsatisfied I'm not going to chase after it. 

    This is less of something, because I know that everyone has their own pace they're comfortable with, but your emotes in response to mine, are very.. slow >_> Its not terribly bad, but I know that I wouldn't have the time to really get in a good, full session. (Not trying to put pressure on you because of that).

    GOOD things:

    - Your character is solid, consistent, and expressive in ways that don't require words. I like that the body language is a big part, and that words are the lesser source of expression. It gives Haven a dimension to him, that makes him more real. 
    - While I say the ending of our sessions are usually not satisfying to me, the content of the whole is. I just wish it was more often. 

    There are more good stuffs, but I need more interaction in order to make fuller opinions. (hint hint)






    Post edited by Nola on
    EmelleHaven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Preemptive bump.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • KaleighKaleigh The InnMember Posts: 183 ✭✭✭
    The first time Kale ever met Haven, she was scared of him. With recent events, she's gotten over her fear, and realized that he's not all -that- terrifying (she's also grown up quite a bit too). 

    You do a really great job with your emotes, which make the character come more alive. I fully enjoy this as it makes the RP portion of the game more enjoyable all around. 

    I really do look forward to interacting with you more. Especially to see how you're planning to be -scary- again. :D
    Haven
  • EzraxEzrax Member Posts: 407 ✭✭✭
    Edit: Oh sorry, I thought this was a thread about an affliction that stops people from returning to havens. Carry on! :P
    RivasHaven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Ezrax said:
    Edit: Oh sorry, I thought this was a thread about an affliction that stops people from returning to havens. Carry on! :P
    You still owe me a spar!
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • StathanStathan Hot springsMember Posts: 295 ✭✭✭
    Random interactions with the character. Do a lot of work with the player for coding, but both instances are enjoyable.
    Haven
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight SchoolMember Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Sorry to those I'm in an arc with. Looks like I'll be out of commission for a while til I figure what's up with the laptop.
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • PiperPiper Master Crumbs Member Posts: 715 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Dislike! D:

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  • EmelleEmelle the Seer Seer's WoodMember Posts: 711 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Duuuude~

    We just had a scene for the first time in ages and it was lovely. Your writing is wonderful as ever, but what really got to me this time is the amount of attention you pay not just to Haven, but to other characters. He made a couple of observations about Emelle that really left me breathless and flattered, and all that in the midst of your well-crafted and thoughtful emotes.

    I also noticed a small difference in your writing now as opposed to what I remember, and that is you've become a bit more flexible with your responses -- most of them are still block emotes, which is fine, but every now and then you throw out something briefer or even a customized say, and I deeply appreciate that ability to be dynamic.

    Thanks, also, for working to derive something sustained and purposeful out of the interaction. They don't always have to be that, but I'm definitely looking forward to the opportunity to continue an arc with you.

    Happy you are back (for now)!
    Haven
  • AshmerAshmer Barefoot Adventurer LifeMember Posts: 1,095 ✭✭✭✭✭

    10/10 would go on second date.

    the way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine

    open hand or closed fist would be fine

    blood as rare and sweet as cherry wine

    EmelleHavenErzsebet
  • ElwynElwyn Member Posts: 180 ✭✭✭
    Grr Haven grrr on an IC level cause of all the crap he's done to the wilds and Elwyn's family but dude I <3 you on an OOC level.

    I still hope we can get some more RP in, I like having characters like whatever dynamic is between Haven and Elwyn...like never quite knowing where one stands and knowing there is that grrness there.
    imageimage
    Haven
  • RasharRashar Member Posts: 1,609 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I somewhat wish my first and only time RPing with Haven had ended up differently. But I would have literally had to stand up and walk away from my computer to not respond that way ICly.

    Let's have a re-do sometime.
    Haven
  • EzalorEzalor Emperor D'baen CanadaMember Posts: 1,307 ✭✭✭✭✭
    Him and Ezalor are totally best bros for life.
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    ArbreHaven
  • IngramIngram AlaskaMember Posts: 305 ✭✭✭✭
    I like Haven. Ingram doesn't, but I am really happy that he exists.
    EmelleHaven
  • BenedictoBenedicto Tentacles Errywhere! Member Posts: 565 ✭✭✭✭✭
    I love how the dynamic between Bene and Haven has changed over time. From being enemies, to the bar fight until now, they've been through a hell of a journey. At all times Haven is conveyed in a brilliant and outstanding manner. There's never any situation that Haven will not stay true to his character. Whether it's during PK or a bit of a derpy moment, he'll act as he should do.

    On a technical level the emotes are brilliant and so amazingly detailed. It's an honor to get to interact with him on such a frequent basis and I still never feel like it's enough!

    One of my really good friends both IG and OOC. Keep it up buddy!

    Haven
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