100 Themes Writing Challenge

13

Comments

  • MoireanMoirean Chairmander Portland
    edited April 2013
    @emelle: Yeah, I worked as a technical writer for architecture/engineering firms, did editing/localization as part of my work in video games, and now do copywriting remotely. It's a very different type of way to approach writing. Style choices depend on the audience and content is the prime focus. Sometimes I want to just go meehhhh, but it's taught me a lot about how to make things more clear and direct.

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    This is just a general kinda ramble about diction:
    I heard a viewpoint once about word choice: Consider that every word you pick has a monetary value. And, the, is, those are pennies. Fast, short, tall - nickle and dime words. Strident, languour, we're getting up to quarter or 50 cent territory. Terpsichore? Ululations? These are the 5 dollar words. Your work itself is your budget, and the longer it is, the bigger your budget is, but there's a finite budget there - using it all on $5 words will make you go broke pretty darn quickly, and you'd better justify why the money is going to them. I rather liked that perspective and it got me toning down a lot of my overly-splashy word choices. While there is definitely something to said for precision, too many 5 dollar words make them all start to lose their impact.

    /ramble. Sorry I just woke up and I was reading China Miéville before bed. His style is so intriguing - really punchy, lots of heavy word choices, but balanced by very quick, very terse sentence structures. So. Woke up with that on my mind. Also, krakens.

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    @haven: I quite like your work - your tone and style captures a very high fantasy vibe. I think your sentence structure helps with that. Some of your structure choices are a bit archaic, but in a good way - they give a gravity to the piece that wouldn't be as (heh) heavy if phrased otherwise. I do second Emelle's thoughts, though, in that some of your phrasings end up overly wordy: "Seryn turned her questions to the turbulent sky alit with feverish fury and the rain seemed to answer." Good words, good structure, great image, but it reads awkward. Just too many words in the middle there. I'd either remove "alit with feverish fury" (although I do like that phrase) or restructure the sentence so the descriptions aren't in the middle, interrupting the flow...however, I like how the emphasis ends on the answer from above - it plays back into the earlier thoughts about the Divine.

    As a suggestion, try one entry in a Hemmingway-esque voice. You'd be surprised how tricky that can be. You have to pack in punch while keeping things very simple (on the surface) - the result is an almost volatile tension, as sublayers of meanings creep into all the nooks and crannies beneath the text, instead of being laid out as clearly for the reader. It's an experiment in creating implied metaphors, I guess.

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    @mariena: Interesting start! I love all the g sounds in the middle of it: "The eyes tracking her took on a golden gleam; the twin orbs glowing enough to be seen from the shadows. A guffaw from the doorway cracked out across the bare room and mingled with a grinding..." I'd say keep an eye out for word choice, however, as you use the word frame 3 times in 2 paragraphs - re-use like that can be jarring to a reader and interrupt the flow. 

    Look forward to seeing more!
    HavenEmelleMariena
  • MoireanMoirean Chairmander Portland
    OMG does tumblr autosave drafts? Please say yes. I just accidentally closed what I've been working on all morning. :(
  • PhoeneciaPhoenecia The Merchant of Esterport Somewhere in Attica
    Moirean said:
    OMG does tumblr autosave drafts? Please say yes. I just accidentally closed what I've been working on all morning. :(
    It doesn't. When you're writing text posts, there's a little button that says Publish Post, but you have to toggle it to Save as draft.
  • MoireanMoirean Chairmander Portland
    Their editor blogs CLAIMS there is autosave. I don't understand why there wouldn't be. SADFACE.
  • EleanorEleanor FOR SCIENCE
    And there's a pro tip for everyone: Write it first in notepad or something!

    Arbre
  • MoireanMoirean Chairmander Portland
    I discovered that I can write it on wordpress (which autosaves and I can access from a variety of spots) and it'll automatically repost onto tumblr! Yay technology. Also, googledocs are good. Also also, I got lazarus.
  • I have a creative writing degree and would be happy to proofread. I'm rather out of practice writing myself. This is a good exercise to get back into it.
    imageimage "Little pig, little pig, let me in, let me in. You look tasty and smell like bacon." *LICKLICKLICK*
  • HavenHaven World Burner Flight School
    Arbre said:
    Erised made me think of Harry Potter.

    We were all thinking it.
    That reminds me! Were all the name flips obvious?
    ¤ Si vis pacem, para bellum. ¤
    Someone powerful says, "We're going to have to delete you."
    havenbanner2
  • ArbreArbre Arbrelina Jolie Braavos
    Here's a gentle reminder to post in your tumblrs.
  • I'm probably going to be terrible at this, but oh well
    http://thewaveborn.tumblr.com/
    image
    Its Hunt, or be Hunted.
  • MarienaMariena By a lake.
    Yay, more people! I love reading everyone's posts and writing these. Weirdly enough, I feel more connected to Aetolia than I have in a while, as the writing challenge has inspired me to get back online. So thank y'all!


    MoireanEmelle
  • ArbreArbre Arbrelina Jolie Braavos
    reactiveCatalyst.  Who be you?
  • LinLin Blackbird The Moonglade
    That should be Akary, I believe.
  • PhoeneciaPhoenecia The Merchant of Esterport Somewhere in Attica
    I intend on writing more challenge stuff once I'm finished with a few school things. It's just a matter of figuring out which themes fit which writing piece since I have a bunch of ideas that could count for more than one. >_>
  • EleanorEleanor FOR SCIENCE
    That's correct. You can't follow people with your secondary blogs, which is why a few people have follows from 'Zer0bandit' from me.

  • ArbreArbre Arbrelina Jolie Braavos
    Hokay!
  • EleanorEleanor FOR SCIENCE
    edited April 2013
    Alright, so, critique train again and... I kinda wrote a lot. Brace for impact!

    @Emelle: Your new stuff is great, as ever. The Lin one I liked a lot- I think I probably connected with that one better because I know her character pretty well. Getting to peek into a part of Lin's life that Elea hasn't seen is interesting! I like the way you've handled Fork in the Road, too, it tells a good little story, compact but complete, I think. Something feels a little off in that one though- I think it's the way some of the sentences have personal pronouns in them, but some sentences omit them (eg 'Never was very devout, didn't have much reason to be'). Maybe I don't have a good grasp of Emelle as a character, but it doesn't quite feel right for her voice?

    @Iosyne: I'm a fan of the chittery bug horror theme, so this one definitely caught my interest! I think you could probably push this one the extra mile by really getting into descriptions of the carpet of insects, pack in some similie or metaphor and really focus on the nightmarishness of the zerg swarm.

    @Lin: I don't think I mentioned it in my last critique train, but some of the turns of phrase you use are really brilliant. 'Invincible aluminium day' is one of the best things I've read in a while! Critique-wise for that one, the tense change is a bit awkward, I think the whole piece could be in present tense and not suffer.

    @Haven: Your storytelling is solid, and you set the scene well in your second entry. The monologue about the Gods feels a little off, and I think it's because all of a sudden your sentences are shorter- and the interrobang (?!) that you've got at the end of that little bit makes it seem much more like a person's thoughts than the rest of it really indicated- in my opinion, the piece needs either more emotive language and perhaps colloquialism to really underline that it's someone's thoughts, or less of the anecdotal style and more of the third-person descriptive style to pull it away from being thoughts. You might consider putting quotation marks around or italicising the specifically-someone's-thoughts parts, alternatively, that'd separate it up pretty well. Also, it's just a personal taste thing, but I don't really go for the backwards-name things. I'm in the habit of reading things backward if they look funky, so when it's a plain word that's been reversed it feels like... kinda lazy naming convention to me, I guess? But as I said, it's more personal taste than something I can really critique on.

    @Kiyotan: Write more u beardy git

    @Seir: See above, minus the beard

    @Moirean: Wow, Rivalry was a great read! I pretty much loved all of that. I really enjoyed the anecdotal looking-back feeling of it, and the snippets of humour like the description of facing down the entire syssin guild. The only thing I'd perhaps like to see would be more time lingering on Tral, but maybe there was less to him than the others and that's why there's not as much? Making History, also, hilarious. I did read through expecting it to turn dark, a bit of a sting in the tail with it all- there was a little, with #16, but it could be really interesting to add a little more of that. Also, I dunno about #17 as an end point- after all, you didn't exactly call it a day!

    @Arbre: Seeking Solace and Judgement are really nice- Judgement though, especially, I love the emotions and the relationship you define in that one. Running Away, also good- these don't have the cut-off feel that some of your earlier ones did. Opportunities is very short, and I'm not sure if I think it's good that way or I'd like to see more. Perhaps a little elaboration about exactly what opportunity she's having a chance at? Death is really good, a neat length for the content. It's well-framed, and each of the paragraphs fits into the narrative really well, I think. You've put a great bunch of prompts together! I really like the mood of Obsession, I think you're definitely getting the hang of wrapping up a solid narrative in only a couple of paragraphs.

    @Phoenecia: I think 'fare' is the word you want in the start of Game. Cute little story, like the last ones- a fun little bit of mischief to read about. Did that thing actually happen ingame? The only thing that feels off to me, really, is that it's difficult to draw a bead on Alistaire's character from the snippet- I can't figure out how angry he's supposed to be, because the intensity of the language that you're using to describe it isn't consistent, sometimes he seems like he's at the arms-flapping rage-yell stage and others he's only a little rankled?

    @Roux: Separation was pretty powerful, though I think part of that may be because I only just read through Arbre's writing before yours- so I already had an idea of what the setting was. The writings dovetail really nicely! Also, I have never had a snowball fight but good lord 'everyday magic' was a lot of fun to read. Your pacing is really great, and again, you've got a strong and entertaining voice. In Fork in the Road, there's a little bit of tense-weirdness in the first paragraph, the past tense bits don't quite seem to match. Happens again in the comfortable silence paragraph. I like the story though, it's got some lovely emotion going on. You could probably push that further by adding some emotive description to the scene-setting.

    @Tolemy: Your metaphor is really gorgeous- the description of the dawn, I especially liked. There's only one thing that throws me off about Broken- and it's a small niggling thing, but man, the name semolina jars me because it immediately makes me think of the food. It's interesting, but reading back to 'Astonished' feels more solid now because of the framing that 'serenity' has given it- I thought Silence meant the hunting ground item, but now I see it's more metaphorical than that! Looking forward to seeing if that happens with more of your writing as you progress.

    @Toz: You didn't seem to think they were much chop, but I really like your writing- it's rambly and talky and that's a style I'm pretty fond of. I think I like Game more than the other one- it tells more of a story, whereas 33% is more of a description. I like the kind of frenzied description present in 33% though, and it works pretty well to imagine this as someone's internal monologue while fighting. Only thing I'd prod at is that the forward slashes are a bit jarring to the flow of the story- you can italicise in tumblr, so why not try that instead?

    @Mariena: Think you accidentally a word in the second sentence of Forever and a Day. The narrative is really lovely, and I like the diary format, it really sets the story up well- I'm not sure about the tense shifts, though. I get why you're doing them, but they feel a bit weird. The italics might be enough to keep the different parts separate, if you brought them up to be present tense as well- maybe something to experiment with? I really enjoyed Opportunities, well-framed, well-characterised, and pretty funny as well! Faith was also good, you've got a good handle on setting a scene and imparting character along with it. Everyday Magic I like a little less- your descriptions are a little repetitive (frame several times in a short space) and augh, you hit one of my biggest pet peeves, which is 'orbs' when talking about eyes. It's a cute little vignette all the same, but I think it could benefit maybe from a little more elaboration about her falling over to make it clear that that's what's happened.

    @Akaryuterra: wut u doing in here get out. Seriously though, you already know what I think about your stuff. I kind of wish you were doing it all based on aetolia, because I can always read more of the boys, but the offtopic ones you're doing are pretty well written all the same. I think they lack a little because they don't get the bonus framing of a work that's set on the foundation provided by the rest of Aetolia, but they're still perfectly serviceable as short stories. I like the early morning one- hadn't seen that- but I think the personification in the last paragraph feels a little... hum, stark, out of place maybe, because there isn't more of it in the rest of the piece. Punctuation is a bit wonk in the 'rough road' piece- is this one old? I like it though, it's kind of quiet and comfortable, no extreme drama but enough development to make it interesting. Considering some of the other stuff you've written I was worried about the climber, so it was kind of a relief that he didn't fall to his death.

    @Lydiatha: Hrk, the music on your tumblr startled me! Anyway, great start you've made there. Something that hadn't occurred to me until I read your writing was that I'd never seen the fisherwoman given any character- but I kind of like the idea that she's the sort of lady who'd shout encouragement as the escapees sailed off. Solid writing all round! Makes me think of a morrowindy game-start, which is not at all inappropriate given the setting. Looking forward to seeing more of yours.

    Haven
  • EmelleEmelle Dreamshaper Tecpatl's Cradle
    @Eleanor: Thank you, thank you! Re: personal pronouns, this is a quirk I've sort of fallen into with Emelle, both IG and in these entries. I think it's equally present in some of the others, but maybe not as noticeable? I'd guess it jumps to the forefront more when there are other people being referred to besides herself. I'd be interested to know if you get the same impression on another read, and if anyone else has an opinion on this -- if it makes things difficult or (bad) strange to read, I'd like to make an alteration in the style.
  • PhoeneciaPhoenecia The Merchant of Esterport Somewhere in Attica
    Eleanor said:
    @Phoenecia: I think 'fare' is the word you want in the start of Game. Cute little story, like the last ones- a fun little bit of mischief to read about. Did that thing actually happen ingame? The only thing that feels off to me, really, is that it's difficult to draw a bead on Alistaire's character from the snippet- I can't figure out how angry he's supposed to be, because the intensity of the language that you're using to describe it isn't consistent, sometimes he seems like he's at the arms-flapping rage-yell stage and others he's only a little rankled?
    I didn't catch that little error at the beginning, but I've corrected it now, so thank you for that!

    As far as the story itself goes...that specific instance didn't actually happen, but there have been quite a few like it (Phoe hiding random things around the guildhall and Alistaire being exasperated by it). I didn't realize that Alistaire's characterization was that confusing. I was trying to make him come off as slightly annoyed, but I'm kind of bad at getting other people's characters accurate. Mostly it's because I'm not able to pin down their little nuances. >_>
  • Slashes are a habit I picked up on RPIs- I'll switch to bold or italics or something, thank you for the critique. Going to try to have more stuff posted this weekend, school is kinda kicking me in the crotch repeatedly at the moment.

    Arbre-Today at 7:27 PM

    You're a vindictive lil unicorn
    ---------------------------

    Lartus-Today at 7:16 PM

    oh wait, toz is famous

    Karhast-Today at 7:01 PM

    You're a singularity of fucking awfulness Toz
    ---------------------------
    Didi's voice resonates across the land, "Yay tox."
    ---------------------------

    Ictinus11/01/2021

    Block Toz
    ---------------------------

    limToday at 10:38 PM


    you disgust me
    ---------------------------
    (Web): Bryn says, "Toz is why we can't have nice things."

  • MarienaMariena By a lake.
    edited April 2013
    Eleanor said:
    @Mariena: Think you accidentally a word in the second sentence of Forever and a Day. The narrative is really lovely, and I like the diary format, it really sets the story up well- I'm not sure about the tense shifts, though. I get why you're doing them, but they feel a bit weird. The italics might be enough to keep the different parts separate, if you brought them up to be present tense as well- maybe something to experiment with? I really enjoyed Opportunities, well-framed, well-characterised, and pretty funny as well! Faith was also good, you've got a good handle on setting a scene and imparting character along with it. Everyday Magic I like a little less- your descriptions are a little repetitive (frame several times in a short space) and augh, you hit one of my biggest pet peeves, which is 'orbs' when talking about eyes. It's a cute little vignette all the same, but I think it could benefit maybe from a little more elaboration about her falling over to make it clear that that's what's happened.
    ^ Using orbs is actually one of my pet peeves too, but I didn't want to overuse 'eyes'. Ended up overusing frame though in an attempt not to use other words! I am debating going back and playing with that one, but I'm on the fence. On one hand, I feel improvement with every story, so leaving it sort of acts as a marker. On the other hand, 'Everyday Magic' could use work. Anyone else feel that way about one of their stories?

    On Forever and a Day, I actually flipped back and forth between first and third in the italics parts. It just didn't sit right when it was in first all the way through. I might try that format again with another of the stories and see if I can smooth out the kinks there. I think it suits Mari's self-involved voice well :).

    (I don't know how to click outside of the gray quote box to put my answer, halp :3.)


  • EleanorEleanor FOR SCIENCE
    I'm tweaking mine here and there- adjusting word choices and such. I'm thinking of turning all my writing into a coffee table book for myself when I'm done though, so my objective's perhaps a little different!

  • edited April 2013
    I'm a horrid writer, but I do enjoy it, so when I wake up and have some energy, I think I'll get in on this. For clarification, you don't have to do it from an Aet POV and you don't have to have it timed? I mean, I know you don't -have- to do it any set way, but I'm trying to stay in the (pardon the pun) idiom.

    E: Grammar, via superfluous words.
    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "Shut upbre."
    Arbre Aquila dur Naya says, "Yessir."
    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "I'm a lady!"

    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "Yeah cutscene kicks in."
    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "Watch our awesome CG."

    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "I grove ever stronger in the presence of Alastair!"
    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "Grow*."
    Senior Administrator Veritas says, "No druids here."
  • EleanorEleanor FOR SCIENCE
    Both of those are correct- you can pretty much do whatever you want, the objective's mostly just writing practice. Akary's been doing 'offtopic' ones, and I think there's a few people going untimed. You only need to go for the parameters you set for yourself!

    AlastairEmelleMoirean
  • LinLin Blackbird The Moonglade
    So... I'm still working on #9, Death, and it's up to about 5,000 words now. It's become an enormous problem, and I feel like it's going to turn into a real story. Sadly, obsessions like these do not make for good snippet writing, so I've moved my current theme works into a new blog: http://totemcity.tumblr.com/

    I'm starting over on the current blog (http://lin100.tumblr.com/), doing what the rest of you are doing and writing from Lin's point of view. I hope you enjoy.
    EmelleValenae
  • Lin, you have a lot of talent.


    "To be awkward or unkempt, to talk or move wrongly is to be a dangerous giant, a destroyer of worlds...any accurately improper move can poke through the thin sleeve of immediate reality." - Erving Goffman



    EmelleZunMoirean
  • LinLin Blackbird The Moonglade
    edited April 2013
    Sorry for the hiatus! Finally posted my second piece.

    I'm not feelin' it like I was with the first, and I'd appreciate a bit of critique on it, at least to know if it flows well.
  • LinLin Blackbird The Moonglade
    edited April 2013
    Also, it's time for a few critiques! I'm sorry I can't get to all of you, but when I have time I will!

    @Eleanor: Stephen King would be a big fan of your work, because you share his penchant for simple, straightforward writing. You write without attempt at floweriness or art where art isn't needed, and instead do your job - that is, to tell a story. It is my favorite style of writing and because of it, everything you come up with is easily digested and, more importantly, easily to understand. The story of the Lgaktian clock was my favorite, if only because I know so very little about what sounded like such a big deal, and as always, it's hilarious to see the Cabal poking at the most dangerous elements of time and space with a stick, and a sure grin on their faces.

    @Emelle: This is an interesting thing you're doing! I see a few stories here and there, but your blog appears to be an exercise, in which Emelle herself expounds on the themes, explaining what comes to mind. I don't have a lot to say on your style because it's more or less perfectly pleasant - you write in Emelle's voice, so your dedication to consistency is astounding. Her explanation of Lin was touching.

    @Iosyne: Just like Emelle, you write in Iosyne's voice, but Hers is terrifying and completely alien to our experience. It's truly something special to see the world through the eyes of this vicious goddess, and I feel that it instills a sense of dread and healthy respect for Her. My favorite piece is Breakfast - it is a perfectly painted vignette, and you can almost envision it as a bit of time-lapse footage on a single point in Her vast lair.

    @Moirean: I really, really want to like your writing, because you flex some real muscle and I can see the skill there, but I'm afraid the slapstick, fourth wall-breaking style just can't grab me. It's just personal preference, there's definitely a wide audience for this stuff. I actually laughed aloud at Unbreakable, and I'll admit, the irreverent way in which you juxtapose in-depth thoughts and voices from Aetolia with the metagame aspect of it ("I want to try salve stacking") works pretty well. I can really see what you're going for! Obsession was strangely chilling, and helps make Moirean's mindset all too clear.
    Moirean
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