Advice with creating a pet description

Hi guys, as many of you know I have dyslexia and it can cause a lot of issues in my descriptive writing style. So I was hoping those of you who are more incline towards descriptive writing could assist me in tweaking aspects of my proposed pet appearance. I would like to keep it as close to my original concept as I can as it will play an immense part of Riluo's rp and character development.

Also please be kind as I know I suck :|

Awesome to behold as it is terrifying; this immense platinum dragon is thick with muscle, spaning over thirty feet in length. Four thick limbs support its colossal size each one ending in five splayed digits, with razor-sharp celeste-blue claws. The back of this dragon's head and neck is protected by thick bone and overlaying in ridges of denser scales, with two rows of bone-like spikes running from the base of its skull down its back to the tip of its bladelike tail. Its head wedge-shaped, with bony ridges separating and surround its nostrils, whilst two large serrated obsidian horns, bending backwards from the creature’s crown. A series of tentacle-like tendrils sprouts from its chin, with piercing almond-shaped eyes the colour of cobalt ever vigilant. Lips drew back in an ominous sneer, exposing a series of razor-edged teeth the colour of purest white only adding to the dragon’s natural ferocity and authoritarian manner. Fading gradually down the dragon's armoured body, fine scales of platinum catch even the most miniscule amount of light casting hues of silver, gold and pale white upon the dragons’ serpentine neck. Darker metallic-silver scales appear towards its hindquarters exposes hues of icy blues, and pale white upon the tip of its tail. Running from its shoulders to its hips, gigantic, and wide-set leathery wings afford this creature the power of flight. His name is:???

Abhorash says, "Ve'kahi has proved that even bastards can earn their place."

Comments

  • Let me know if I'm a little harsh, but I also understand very well how difficult it is to write with dyslexia, fought it for many a-day and still do.
    The first sentence, it is spelled, Spanning.
    The second sentence requires a comma after 'size' and the comma can be removed after digits, or add, "digits, the razor-sharp claws glistening in celestial blues."
    The fourth sentence seems it could be reorganized. Personally I'd write, "Two large, serrated horns of deep obsidian bend backwards from the crown of this dragon's wedge-shaped head, and the boned ridges of its nostrils add menace to the creature's expression." (just an example >.>)
    The fifth sentence jumps around a little too much, and the eyes could, or maybe should be, described separately than the chin. "It would be like saying the sky is blue and I ate a sandwich."
    Other than the above it seems all in order ^_^

    Riluo
  • RiluoRiluo The Doctor
    Not at all, the more critical feedback the better. Also I love the line regarding the horns, it makes a lot more sense.

    Abhorash says, "Ve'kahi has proved that even bastards can earn their place."

    Alice
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